Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones
by ButterflyPages
Summary: Life comes in dribs and drabs for Rev. Oliva Pope. Her faith is wavering but her dedication to her job on the ministerial staff of Grace Tabernacle Christian Church is steadfast. When Grace Church launches a search for a new Senior Pastor and selects Rev. Fitzgerald Grant, Olivia has to learn how to navigate the slippery slope of a forbidden attraction.
1. Stumbling Blocks

**Chapter 1**

**Stumbling Blocks**

_Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another._ -Romans 14:13

* * *

Olivia reread the last paragraph of the grant proposal on her laptop screen. With a sigh, she highlighted those sentences and pressed the space bar to delete it wholesale. She sighed again, this time closing her eyes and releasing the air slowly. Her lips rippled against the stream of air. When she opened her eyes, they fell on the portfolio that contained the file folder of the final pastoral candidate. She quickly glanced away because she didn't want to read another CV, cover letter, or sample sermon. Attending to this had been on her agenda this morning. She intended to review the contents before this last interview. A busy morning had turned into an equally busy afternoon. The file sat untouched right where Marjorie, the office manager, had placed it yesterday evening. The interview was in 15 minutes and she didn't even know the candidate's name.

Olivia had no guilt about neglecting this duty. She was thankful this was the final interview. The process had become tiring and boring-the parade of eager candidates falling over himself or herself to woo the search committee. The interviews were usually filled with boring orations-little mini sermons-from the candidates trying to show off their rhetorical prowess, scriptural knowledge, or the accomplishments reached at their previous churches. All their faces held that confident look, but just below was the desperate "Choose me! Choose me!" demeanor.

The search committee, composed of the associate ministers of each department, was eager to select a new pastor of Grace Tabernacle Christian Church. The search had taken over a year. Replacing the previous pastor, William C. Blake, who had passed away a year ago at the age of 74, proved difficult and painful. He had been affiliated with the church in different capacities for almost 30 years, pastoring for 20. The church staff floundered some after his death. They hadn't been able to come to consensus about an interim pastor so the last year had been a parade of guest speakers who jumped at the chance to be seen preaching in the pulpit of the late great Rev. William C. Blake. Many in the congregation wanted Rev. Blake's son, Bill, to take on the position. He was ordained, but content to remain the Minister of Music and Liturgy.

"Reverend Pope, the next candidate is here," said Marjorie with a quick smile from outside Olivia's office door.

"It can't be three already," Olivia said. She glanced at the time on her laptop. It read 2:40. "See, it's twenty minutes till three. I'll review the candidate file and be in the conference room in a minute." Olivia reached for the portfolio. Marjorie stepped to her desk and grabbed it.

"No time for catch up. Reverend Wright wants to begin in five minutes. The candidate is early-a good sign, right-so Reverend Wright instructed me to gather everyone as soon as possible," she explained.

Olivia frowned. "Really? I got sidetracked working on this grant."

After saving her document, Olivia rose to her feet and grabbed her cell phone, pen, and water bottle. She met Marjorie at the door. "I should probably take a quick look at the candidate's highlights."

"Well, that's just how you get when you are writing one of those things-total tunnel vision-until you are done. I'll fill you in as we walk." Olivia shut her door and they started off down the hall. "His name is Reverend Fit-" Marjorie began but stopped when her office phone rang.

"I have to get this call." Marjorie handed the portfolio to Olivia and turned the other way. "It's a blessed day at Grace Tabernacle. This is Marjorie," she said in her gleeful trademark greeting.

Olivia continued down the long corridor toward the conference room in her conservative suit and staid bun, but still without a clue about the candidate. Since Harrison would be leading the interview, this was fine with her. She was now ready to get this over with, resolved to keep her comments to a minimum. Olivia had made her choice. She wanted the Reverend Sally Langston, one of the candidates they had interviewed yesterday. She had the credentials, the experience, and the familiarity with the church as a longtime colleague of Reverend Blake.

Olivia was eager to get home and unwind after a long day at work. Edison was out of town so she was going to have the house to herself. She could feel the soap bubbles on her skin as she languished in a long, hot bath. These were her thoughts as she entered the conference room.

"Hey, Liv. Each time I walked by your office today you were bent over your computer. Grant time, eh? Hopefully we can get a new pastor on board soon," Harrison said as she entered the room.

Olivia greeted the others already seated at the long conference table-each with their own candidate file in front of them. She felt a little guilty, thinking she was the only one who hadn't done her homework. We are all here now," said Harrison. We'll start with prayer and jump right in. After the prayer, he began.

"Our last candidate is Reverend Dr. Fitzgerald Thomas Grant. UC Santa Barbara political science undergrad, Claremont School of Theology Master of Divinity, and GTU doctorate in Ethics and Social Theory. He pastored Antioch Christian Church for the last fifteen years after running but dropping out of a Congressional run in California. He's married to Melody Grant, who goes by Mellie. She is trained as a lawyer, but only practiced four years. Since then she has been a stay at home mom. Now she does consulting work for political campaigns and publicity firms. Any questions before I call Marjorie to bring him in?" said Harrison. When no one answered, Harrison phoned Marjorie.

A hum of conversation ensued while they waited. There were 6 including her that composed the central power of Grace Tabernacle Christian Church: Harrison Wright, Executive Minister; Olivia Pope, Minister of Strategic Advancement; Quinn Perkins, Minister of Congregational Care; William Blake, Jr., Minister of Music and Liturgy; Enrique Guerra, Minister of Community Engagement; and Abby Whelan, Minister of Public Relations.

They were each talented in their own right. For years, they had made a good team-growing the membership, reinvigorating the ministry, and reviving the stature of this church in a community that had faced and persevered through difficult times in its history. Since Reverend Blake's death, their collective vow to faithfully serve the church seemed to become secondary to their own departments' needs. They had voted on Harrison to be the interim Senior Minister, fulfilling all the duties of that role. Olivia was sure he would vie for the position outright, but he showed no sign of discomfort when it became clear many on the ministry team and within the congregation wanted Reverend Blake's son, Bill Blake, to take the role.

Harrison delighted in this leadership position, but he did not relish the preaching duties. He preached sporadically, leaving the lions share up to the other ministry team members. They had created a rotating schedule. Bill had the idea of inviting guest speakers and changing the liturgical order of service with each season on the liturgical calendar. Abby objected, citing the confusion it would cause regular members as well as a disruption of tradition. Olivia did not have an opinion. She had been preoccupied with her teaching load and willing to go with the flow of things at church. Six months after a parade of different speakers, Harrison called a special ministry meeting to discuss the steep decline in membership and contributions. They were operating mostly out of the funds from grants Olivia had acquired. Unfortunately these grants were for specific programs-not salaries and operating expenses-and would have to be repaid to the grant. They unanimously agreed to ramp up the search for a replacement-this had taken precedence over most things for the last couple of months, lighting a fire under everyone but Olivia.

"Everyone, meet the Reverend. Dr. Fitzgerald Grant," Marjorie said with a bright smile when she led him into the conference room. Everyone stood when he entered. Fitzgerald's eyes swept across the room quickly. He nodded his head in a blanket acknowledgment.

Bill, the closest to him, greeted Reverend Grant first. "It's great to meet you, I'm Bill the-"

Fitzgerald interrupted, "Minister of Music and Liturgy..." Bill looked pleased and they pumped hands."

Olivia swallowed and then plastered on a smile when he moved to her. She glanced away quickly, feeling inexplicably self-conscious. She turned back to meet his eyes and extended her hand. "Hello, Reverend Grant, thanks for your interest in this position and Grace Tabernacle," Olivia said awkwardly.

"Reverend Pope, it's great to meet you." He placed his other hand over there joined hands. His eyes crinkled as he smiled broadly at her. She felt the warmth of his hand covering hers.

"You too!" she said a little too enthusiastically before stepping aside so he could greet the next person.

The interview commenced. Harrison began with some initial questions: What is your personal faith story? What led you to ministry? Who are your mentors and why? What is urban ministry? What is the greatest issue facing the church today? Fitzgerald answered the questions skillfully, not droning on like the others. His responses were thorough but succinct. Olivia observed how he gave each person equal amounts of eye contact when answering. Others joined in to ask questions spanning his education, ministry at his other churches, and other vocational aspirations. There was even one question about his favorite sports teams. Everyone had asked him a question or two, except for Olivia. Everyone seemed to like him. The conversation flowed in a way it hadn't with the other candidates. Olivia was an observer more than a participant because she was taking it all in. On the one hand he seemed like a great candidate. On the other hand, there was something about him that made her uncomfortable. She watched him closely while he answered one of Quinn's questions.

"I can't take credit for growing the membership at my church. I attribute that to my gifted staff. They truly embodied the workers are few, harvest is plentiful paradigm. My only contribution was identifying their gifts with the discernment of the Holy Spirit and getting out of their way. I gave them the space to fully embody their talents. Our membership grew because we fulfilled the needs of that community. We really were the light shining on the hill," Fitzgerald said.

Without realizing it, Olivia rolled her eyes and sighed a little too loudly.

"Reverend. Pope, did I say something to offend you?" he asked, an earnest but confused look, appearing on his face.

"No. No. I-" Olivia looked around and realized she was caught and had to answer. Her body language hinted at frustration.

"Well, I think it is appropriate to recognize that growing a church takes strategy, planning, vision, money, and sound leadership. All this talk of the Holy Spirit, which I do of course agree with, and spiritual gifts is just the magical machinations that many clergy throw around. This work of building up God's kingdom is not magic," Olivia argued.

"But Rev. Pope, I was not calling it magic. I don't believe in magic I was merely recognizing the hand of God and the Spirit in my success at Antioch. It was hard work, on par with building up any corporation. It's just that-"

"Thanks, Dr. Grant. There's no need to continue. I understand. Tell us about your family and their role in your ministry," Olivia said. If he was upset, he didn't show it. He made eye contact with everyone present, but stared at Olivia the longest as he answered.

"My wife has been very supportive. She helped to start the Women's Ministry at Antioch. Karen and Gerry are the musicians in the family. They've always worked with the music ministry. They are very important to my ministry. They will have an active role wherever I am."

"If there are no other questions for Dr. Grant," Harrison said extending a hand to anyone who wanted to make a query, "we want to thank you for considering Grace Church. We will be in touch, and you let us know if you have any questions for us."

"I do have one question," Fitzgerald said. "In reviewing the information you sent about Grace Church, I noticed a decline in your membership, why do you think that is, Rev. Pope?"

Olivia's head jerked up from her pretend note taking. She hadn't been able to look him in the eye after their exchange. She could only speculate that he was trying to turn the tables on her. She met his eyes and spoke honestly.

"The passing of Rev. Blake was really difficult for the church. He had ministered for a very long time. I think we waited too long to choose a replacement, and in the interim, changed some of our programs. I think people left because there were too many changes in the midst of that difficult time." Olivia felt the weight of her words and the truth of them.

"Reverend Blake was surely a great minister who changed many lives. It would be an honor for me to work with you all to continue his vision while adding to it. My approach would begin with surveying the congregation and making them part of the process. Together, we can be a great light, a beacon, in the community."

Olivia nodded her head. "Thank you."

Harrison stood and extended his hand to Fitzgerald. "Dr. Grant, we appreciate your time."

Fitzgerald's smile was a full on sparkler as he said his farewells. When he reached Olivia, his eyes lingered a second longer, his gaze quizzical. Olivia squeezed his warm hand and moved back. Harrison called Marjorie to escort him out.

"Anybody up for coffee? I think we can get this done today," said Harrison after Fitzgerald left the room.

"I agree," said Abby.

"I second that," said Enrique.

Everyone parroted their agreement except Olivia, but her non-response got lost in everyone's scramble to leave the room for a break. They headed down the hall with a buzz of conversation and then parted like a sea to go in different directions.

Olivia walked to the bathroom replaying the interview. After washing up, she checked her hair and makeup and exited the bathroom door. She hoped she could sway the women, at least, towards Sally Langston. Lost in thought, she ran right into him.

Fitzgerald was walking down the hallway directly towards her, once again giving her a shock. _Wasn't he gone?_ There was nothing she could do short of turning around and going the opposite way.

"Rev. Pope, I was hoping to find you," he said.

There it was again, that uncomfortable feeling that came over her when she stood close to him, gazing at him.

"How can I help you?" she asked.

He considered her a moment before speaking. "I don't understand what went wrong during our interview. I've examined everything I said. I'm trying to understand. I thought I could address any further questions you might have?" he said.

Olivia felt trapped and totally taken off guard standing there in the narrow corridor with him. He was looking at her earnestly. Before she could rein it all in her body started responding to him. His woodsy and spicy scent assailed her nostrils. Her eyes fell to his lips causing her to lick her lips. She was horrified when a knowing look flashed over his face. _Oh Jesus, did he see me looking at him like that?_

"No. Um…I have to go. I'm sorry," she mumbled, hastily. Finally able to get the lead out of her feet, she made a quick escape around him and turned the corner, pledging to ensure he did not get the job.

* * *

"How's the search going, hon?" Edison asked, looking up from his iPad to address Olivia. She looked up from her iPad, giving him a brief smile of hello.

They'd been sitting at the breakfast table together, but had yet to engage each other in conversation or eat their perfectly customized breakfast. On Edison's plate were two sausage links, scrambled eggs, lightly toasted honey wheat bread with a teaspoon of jam. This was complimented by a mug of coffee and glass of water. Olivia's plate held an egg white omelet with spinach and feta cheese, complimented by lightly toasted cinnamon raisin Ezekiel Bread, no jam. She had one mug of coffee and water also. It was their custom for Olivia to make this breakfast most mornings on the rare occasion that they ate together. They would sit at their breakfast nook, read their iPads, and engage in conversation, which usually included checking in with each other about schedules, particularly Edison's. He was an airline pilot for Alpha Airlines, which frequently took him away from home for days at a time. He had been home two days from a four day cross-country trip. Barring any changes he would be home for another 3 days until his next trip out.

"It's over. They've chosen a candidate and he has accepted," Olivia said, pushing her tablet aside and taking a bite of toast. Edison began eating his food also.

"Really? But why do you say, 'they'? You are on the search committee. You had a say, right?"

"Yes, but no one was really interested in hearing my reservations about that candidate. His background in politics really served him well because he was the master of spin. He read us this line about humbly leading his staff to grow his membership by some obscene percent. He went on and on about Reverend Blake and how he was a role model to him. Then he did this name dropping. I did some research and found out about a lien on his old church's property, but he had some convenient excuse about the accountant's battle with some obscure disease. She supposedly forgot to file some paperwork, blah, blah, blah." Olivia explained, gesturing with her hands and furrowing her eyebrows.

"Wow. What's his name?" Edison asked with a chuckle.

"Fitzgerald Grant."

"I take it that the new pastor is white?" Edison mused. He rose from his chair and stood behind Olivia, propping himself up on the back of her chair.

Olivia looked back at him. "Yes, but that doesn't offend me, of course," Olivia said as Edison began massaging her neck and shoulders. "It's his arrogance and...ohh that feels really nice." Olivia let her head succumb to its weight and drop forward.

"You seem pretty tense, hon," he said squeezing her shoulders and forearms. He kissed her neck. "I know something that will work out the kinks."

Olivia sighed deeply as every part of her awakened in anticipation."Me too," she said excitedly. Forgetting about her breakfast, she rose from her chair and lifted on her toes to kiss him. He kissed her back, and they walked to the bedroom. Olivia stripped quickly while Edison dispensed with his clothes. They pulled back the covers and laid down together as if they were mirroring each other. Edison kissed her and then settled between her legs before sliding inside of her. The contact felt good to her, but her mind started to wonder. She became aware, too aware, of the surroundings. Edison's breathing on her neck and the sounds he made with the momentum of his thrusts. She noticed a ray of sun cascading in the room, illuminating the dust particles in the air. She saw a list donors she needed to call on a post-it note affixed to the dresser mirror. Olivia made a mental note to take care of that later today. Edison started to make the familiar sounds she knew signaled his impending climax. Olivia made the obligatory groans and high pitched moans to signal her own climax of the fake variety.

"Oh hon, that was so good," he breathed against her ear.

"Mmm," Olivia said.

"I'm going for a run now. Will you be home right after work today?" Edison asked. He hopped up from the bed, picking up his discarded garments. He walked into the closet and returned in long sweats and a t-shirt.

Olivia slipped on her robe and began to remake the bed. "I should. I'll call if something comes up."

Edison kissed her cheek. "Have a blessed day, Rev. and don't give your new boss too much hell today."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Bye Edison."

After a few minutes, Olivia looked out the window to catch Edison's form jogging down the tree lined street of their subdivision.

She stripped off her pearl white robe and turned on the shower's hot spray. After throwing on her shower cap, she squatted in front of the cabinet under her vanity and pulled out a makeup case. She opened it and pulled out her vibrator.

"Good morning, Mr. 7," she said with a little smirk.

She walked into the dark green marble shower and pulled the glass door closed. Once the spray reached the right temperature, Olivia pressed the button to activate the multiple shower heads. The water cascaded upon her body from multiple directions. She sat on the bench, braced herself against the wall, and placed her 7 speed waterproof vibrator between her legs. When she found her sweet spot, she changed the speeds until the familiar sensations uncoiled inside of her. She squeezed her eyes shut, threw her head back and let the pleasure overtake her. The moans she heard sounded foreign to her. The water eventually turned cold, but the coldness went beyond the water temperature. She was empty, broken, and alone. The saltiness of her tears mixed with the cold spray.

Olivia sped down Vine Street. Her car speakers pounded with the tunes of Commissioned, one of her favorite gospel groups. The current CD was from circa 1994, but once she found anything she liked she listened to it incessantly.

She sang along at the top of her lungs. She enjoyed the beat and knew the lyrics by heart.

"Hello," Olivia screamed into the phone, ceasing her singing. She realized that she was screaming and turned down the volume. "I'm sorry. Hello?"

"Reverend Pope, I'm calling to remind you about your meeting with Dr. Grant at one this afternoon. You didn't answer the meeting request so I thought I'd give you a call. So can I confirm it?" Marjorie said.

"Meeting? What meeting? Our ministry meeting isn't till next Monday. We cancelled meetings until Dr. Grant got settled, remember?" Olivia said.

"Dr. Grant wants a sit down with all staff before the ministry meeting. You had left the dinner early when he announced it a couple of days ago. I haven't seen you in the office since then."

"I changed my schedule some. My husband is back in town. My apologies for not letting you know," Olivia explained hastily.

Since Dr. Grant moved into the administration building a week ago, she had been avoiding him. She'd rearranged meetings to ensure she wouldn't see him. It had been a juggling act, but she managed to avoid a face-to-face with him. She had been in the same room with him, but she'd always managed to be out of his line of sight. This had been easy with everyone clamoring for an audience with the new pastor. Olivia knew her duck and dodge plan couldn't last. She had hoped that by the time he was settled, he would have forgotten about her demeanor in the interview and their awkward encounter in the hallway afterward. She had banked on having a couple more days before she had to see him.

"Can I reschedule? I um…I have a faculty meeting at the seminary today," Olivia lied.

"I'm sorry Reverend Pope, but Dr. Grant is adamant about seeing you today. I'll see you this afternoon at one." Marjorie piped in, before hanging up." Olivia looked at the phone. The blare of the horns behind her let her know she was sitting at a green light. She pushed on the gas as the song changed.

Olivia glanced at the clock. It was 9:30. On a whim, she turned at the next light and took the interstate in the opposite direction of Grace Church.

"O, get in here girl!" Felicia gushed, using Olivia's nickname, "O". Despite holding her 8 month old baby, she managed to pull Olivia into her front door, pulling her into a bear hug.

Olivia instantly felt at home at her best friend Felecia's house. "I smell gingerbread, Felicia. I am taking it all home with me. Come here, John John, help Auntie O find it," Olivia said. She grabbed the baby from Felecia's arms and marched to the kitchen.

About 30 minutes later, Olivia sat on a barstool, working on her second piece of gingerbread and a cup of tea. John John was playing with the toys in his play pin.

"Spill it out, O. Why did my best friend call to make an impromptu visit on a whim when she never does things on a whim?" Felecia said.

Olivia looked at Felecia. Her eyes were sparkling in that way they always did even years ago when they were new seminary students. Felecia would have made been a gifted pastor. She had the rare gift of storytelling. Felecia could make entries from the dictionary interesting. She was also brilliantly smart, easily as able to be a professor, researcher-anything. She had a passion for writing stories and by her second year of seminary, that's all she wanted to do. Incidentally, that was also the year that a senior seminarian, Johnathan Perkins had fallen head over heels in love her. After 9 months they were engaged to be married. Now she was a full time writer, having authored 3 prize winning books. The second one won the PEN/Bellwether Prize. Her locks hung around her face. There was a smudge of flour on her cheek. She looked happy, really happy. This was a stark contrast to how Olivia felt, which made her sad. Before she could decompress, she started to cry.

"O? Sweetie, what's wrong?" Felecia asked, stepping close to her. She lifted her chin.

"Felecia, you're just so happy, and I'm a hell of a mess. I doubt if I should be in ministry. My husband is never home. I am meeting with Mr. 7 entirely too much. And I think I am attracted to the new senior pastor. Can I hide out here for a couple of days? Do you think Johnathan would mind? I don't eat much. I'll do the housework and take care of little John John while you write your next masterpiece."

Felecia wrapped her arms around Olivia. She breathed in the homey smells of baby powder, cinnamon, and molasses. "Olivia Carolyn Pope, you are not a mess. You are just doing what you do. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourself and overreacting. You need to take care of yourself and get back to your roots. When was the last time you sang or preached?"

"A year…a little more maybe...not since Reverend Blake died. You know he used to have me preach almost once a month. I haven't sang...other than in my car...since about the same time. I get it Felecia. You're saying I need a little self-care...renewal...Pastoral Care and Counseling 101." She slid off the stool and started looking around Felecia's kitchen.

Felecia took Olivia's seat and watched her absently rifle through draws and cabinets. "Now, for Edison, Mr. 7, and the senior pastor...that's quite a love triangle," Felecia said. "I'm not trying to make light of it, O. I think you need to talk to Edison about your needs. Be clear with him. Stop...I don't know how else to say it...faking your orgasms. Tell him what you want so you can put Mr. 7 to rest. I don't have anything against Mr. 7. I have my own numbered friend, but Johnathan is well acquainted with him and exactly what speed I like."

"I can't bring myself to talk to Edison about it."

"You've been married for five years, O. If not now, when? What is this about being attracted to your new boss?"

"Felecia, let's not even talk about that. I am probably overacting as usual. The day of the interview, I was tired and missing Edison," Olivia said. "But I do need you to pray with me Felecia. I need some spiritual armor, my friend. I'm just feeling sort of exposed and out of sorts."

"Of course, O."

Felecia and Olivia stood in the kitchen, facing each other. Their heads were bowed and their hands joined. The words of Felecia's prayer encircled Olivia filling her with peace. For the first time in a while, she felt empowered.

* * *

Olivia felt so much better after her visit with Felecia. It was 6 and she had long since missed her meeting with Dr. Grant. She decided to put if off one more day, pledging to reschedule for tomorrow. She hadn't called Edison since she was headed home. Olivia's cell phone rang. She quickly saw that it was the church on the caller ID.

"Marjorie. I missed the meeting with Dr. Grant today. I can reschedule for tomorrow. What is his schedule?"

"Reverend Pope, there is no need to reschedule. I am at the office now. Why don't you stop by. You've been pretty skillful at avoiding me these last couple of days," he said. Olivia's cell phone slipped out of her hand and fell between her seat and middle tray table. She leaned over and felt for it while keeping her eyes on the road. She pulled into a gas station and retrieved the phone.

"Dr. Grant? Dr. Grant?" Olivia called, placing the phone to her ear. "I apologize. I dropped the phone."

"So you're already in your car then?"

Olivia listened to the lilt of his voice. It was smooth, strong, and deep.

"Reverend Pope? Are you there?"

"Yes."

"So, when should I expect you?"

Olivia couldn't bring herself to say anything other than the truth. "I can be there in fifteen minutes."

I'll see you soon and you can call me Fitz," he said before disconnecting the line.

* * *

**Dear Readers,**

**I'm editing and revising my old fanfics (aka Butterflypages). I'll be putting them back up slowly. Enjoy!**

**-Penelopenpal**

**#MyNewMoniker**


	2. Bittersweet

**Chapter 2**

**Bittersweet**

* * *

_The sated appetite spurns honey, but to a ravenous appetite even the bitter is sweet_. -Proverbs 27:7

* * *

Olivia pulled her car into her specially assigned parking space at the church and shut off the engine. There were a few cars scattered around the parking lot. Grace was a large community centered church that was always bustling with activity. Olivia's parking space was 4 spaces down from the Senior Pastor's spot. She admired the black Mercedes-Benz CLS550 Coupe that was parked in his spot. She imagined herself cruising down the street with him in the passenger seat. As quickly as the thought entered her mind, she pushed it out. _Get a grip!_

"Good evening, Liv." Bill said brightly. "I need a favor."

"Hey Bill." Olivia greeted him with a light hug. "How can you help you?"

"I need your voice on Sunday. Dr. Grant has requested two songs that only you can do justice."

Olivia couldn't hide her frown. _This is the price I pay for staying away. _"And what songs are those?"

"Perfect Praise and Order My Steps."

"Bill, there must be something else you want. Why all the flattery? You have several, actually more than several, singers in each of your three choirs and small cantatas that can sing those songs." In fact, you Minister of Music and Liturgy could sing them yourself."

"Reverend Pope, you are not getting off the hook anymore. I accepted your denials before, but no more. There is a new sheriff in town and he wants you to sing those songs. I'll see you at choir practice on Thursday night." He tapped Olivia on the shoulder and walked to his car, whistling some ditty in perfect key.

Olivia didn't protest. As she drew nearer to the administrative offices, her heart beat a little faster. _What is wrong with me? There's absolutely no reason for you to be acting this way. Snap out of it! _

Olivia mentally repeated this last sentence as she approached his office door. She raised her hand to knock, but the door swung open. Dr. Grant was there standing before her.

"Reverend Pope," he greeted her with an outstretched hand.

_Help me, Lord_ was her first thought when she saw him up close. There was that smell again. He wore a crisp white shirt with the sleeves flipped back to his elbows. His slacks were dark blue. His hair was in place with the exception of one curl that rested on his forehead. Olivia could tell that he had been working for a long time. There were empty boxes littering the floor.

Not wanting to be impolite, she quickly placed her hand in his for a brisk handshake, but she moved it away just as fast. "Hello, Dr. Grant."

"Come on in and have a seat," he said, backing out of her way.

Olivia sat in a straight back, black chair that held the insignia of his graduate school alma mater. She didn't want to be too comfortable. She heard the door close. He took a seat behind his desk. Olivia held her bag in her lap and waited.

He leaned forward and clasped his hands together, staring intently at her for a moment.

"Reverend Pope, it seems we have a problem."

"Dr. Grant, I apologize for missing our meeting today. I-"

"That is not_ the_ problem, only a symptom of the larger problem. Since the committee offered me the position, a decision I'm sure you disagreed with, you have done your level best to avoid me at all costs. Perhaps it wouldn't have been noticeable if you weren't on the administrative staff, but you are, Reverend Pope. We've never met before the day of the interview so I don't understand how you can dislike me on sight. I picked it up as soon as I entered the room. Your greeting was lackluster at best. Then you started doodling and making faces as I answered questions. Next you questioned my integrity...Reverend Pope, what have I done to warrant your disdain and mild contempt."

She finally looked at him since her eyes had been trained on his shoulder during the duration of his words. When her eyes met his, she didn't try to conceal anything. She gazed at him straight on allowing her inexplicable attraction to him flow freely. Her breathing slowed and she no longer felt tense. In fact, it felt liberating, so liberating that an involuntary smile spread across her lips. It was like looking in a mirror, at her reflection. She saw the same attraction she felt for him, reflected in his eyes. He smiled back at her.

"Thanks for answering my question, Rev.-"

"I have not answered anything, Dr. Grant-"

"Call me Fitz. Can I-"

"I don't think that's appropriate given the circumsta-"

"And what circumstances are those?" he asked.

Olivia stared at him for a while longer, a challenge in her eyes. She stood, no longer able to remain seated. After hanging her bag on the arm of the chair, she began to pace back and forth in front of the desk as she spoke.

"I am attracted to you, okay? I didn't plan it. I've tried to ignore it, but it won't go away. It doesn't make any sense to me. I just met you a week ago. I don't know you aside from what I read in your file and of course what I see with my eyes. Talking to you about this is surreal and probably inappropriate. Trying to deny it and avoid you is making me come off as unprofessional, rude, and irresponsible when I am none of those things so the only thing I can think to do is resign," Olivia said.

She glanced at him to ascertain his reaction. His face held an earnest expression as if he was really considering her words. But then he leaned back in his chair. He hooked his hands behind his head which made his bicep muscles strain against his shirt. At the same time she could see the outline of his pectoral muscles. Olivia rubbed her forehead and took a seat in the chair.

"Reverend Pope, look at me please."

Olivia complied.

"I appreciate your honesty. I know it is difficult for you to admit, as a married woman and an ordained minister...it would be difficult to admit without those labels...that you are attracted to me, a married man, an ordained minister, and your leader. But I will not accept any resignation from you. If that were the solution to this situation, then I'd have to resign also."

"Why would you have to resign?"

"I am attracted to you too."

They let the words just sit in the air for a moment.

"Do you mind if I call you Olivia?"

"Sure, I guess. And you want me to call you Fitz?"

"Yes," he said.

They stared at each other again. She laughed nervously after awhile.

"Dr. Gra...Fitz, right now at this present moment, you and I are alone, sharing what is at the very least a forbidden exchange. This is inappropriate, wrong, bordering on sinful, but we are smiling at each other like we're on a date. What are we going to do about this?"

"Olivia, what we are doing is none of those things. We are two adults who have just admitted that we are attracted-I'll say it-sexually attracted to one another. Have we broken any laws? No. Have we sinned? According to what I believe, no, we have not. To your question, what are we going to do about it? I would say nothing, absolutely nothing. It is my hope that you will stop avoiding me. I want to work with you and the rest of my staff to do the work of ministry that we've been called to do here at Grace. I hope in the process we will become friends based on what we learn about each other and not some sexual, chemical, hormonal interactions that occur when our bodies are in close proximity to each other. I have counseled many couples dealing with infidelity and in nine out of ten of the instances, both parties failed to be honest about what they were feeling. Whether it was the party being cheated on, denying what their gut was telling them or the unfaithful one denying that they had totally disconnected from their spouse and was therefore open to connect with someone else. I believe that some serious truth telling, no matter how difficult it may be may have saved them from the pain that ensued. So, Olivia, we have acknowledged that we are attracted to each other and now we move forward."

Olivia looked unconvinced. "You make an eloquent case, but how do you propose we move forward?

"Well, I think we should follow the oath that doctors take, first do no harm. You are a beloved member of this church. I was just hired in good faith to lead this church that plays an important role in this community. It would do harm to many people for either of us to leave. We are not slaves to our bodies. Attraction does not mean action. It's simple, Olivia."

"You really believe that?" she asked, now free to look at him straight on.

"Yes, I do. I need you to stop avoiding me. Be fully engaged, Olivia. God's going to bless us to do great things. I hope to see you and your husband at my house tomorrow night for the dinner I'm hosting for the administrative staff. Can I count on you for that?" he asked.

"Yes."

"There is a reason why were brought together, not just you and I, but the entire staff. This is our season to do something great to build up the kingdom," Fitz said.

"Ecclesiastes 3:1, For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. I know that scripture well," Olivia recited. She rose to her feet and extended her hand. "I am glad we talked about this. I feel better and I promise to be fully engaged from now on."

Fitz grabbed his notepad and stood up. They shook hands and smiled brightly at each other. Olivia didn't snatch her hand away as she'd done each time before. She liked the way his hand felt enveloping hers. He liked the way her hand felt totally engulfed by his. She pulled away first.

"I'll see you in the morning. Good night," Olivia said before she walked out of his office door.

He smiled and waved goodbye before he closed the door behind her. He threw the notepad across the room, no longer needing it to cover the bulge in his pants. He looked around the room for another box of books to unpack all the while wondering if he had just set his own trap.

* * *

Later that night Olivia lay in bed full of nervous energy, her mind and body still abuzz after the meeting with Fitz. She kept replaying their conversation. Her thoughts would linger on the memories she had of his face, his voice, or how if felt to actually hold his hand.

_Can I really just ignore all that happens when I'm close to him or when I think about him? He can't be as attracted to me as I am to him if he is able to...what did he say move forward...do no harm? He had to admit to being attracted to me because he wanted to lessen my embarrassment. Based on how my body feels around him, if I were a man, I would have a constant erection. _Olivia chuckled a little too loud at the thought.

"What's funny, hon?_" _ Edison said. He turned to face her in the bed. She hoped he didn't want sex because she was not in the mood to make the effort tonight.

"Nothing. That was actually a sneeze," she assured him, inching closer to her side of the bed. His hand snaked around her waist, but she gripped his hand.

"I have cramps, Edison," Olivia lied again.

"Oh, okay. Goodnight," he said, turning back to his side.

"Goodnight," she replied.

A little later when she heard the even rise and fall of Edison's breath, she slid her hand between her legs and found her sweet spot. After awhile, her fingers were replaced by the fingers that belonged to the large hand that enveloped hers today when she shook Fitz's hand. When those fingers rubbed her into climax, she could almost hear his voice breath her name.

* * *

"Honey, do you think another dinner is necessary? We had one at the church for your staff. Everyone was there right?" Mellie said. She wiped the cold cream off her face.

"Yes, it is necessary. That dinner was for all staff. This one is just for the administrative staff. It is important that I build a relationship with them and that you meet them too. We can call in a service to make the meal. I don't want to put you out to cook, especially on such short notice," Fitz said, walking into the bathroom.

"Why aren't you getting ready for bed, Fitz. It's almost eleven." Mellie pouted at him.

"I want to do some reading before bed and I don't want to interrupt you."

"Oh. Don't stay up too late. You've been working so hard. Give your staff work to do. I'm sure they have the time. I was thinking that when you got settled in, you might think about another political-"

"Mellie, please do not start that with me again. I am not interested in politics. You are welcome to run for whatever office you please since you have made your disinterest in working in the church, crystal clear," Fitz said.

"I just might do that dear. I just might do that."

Fitz settled on the sofa in his study and picked up his well worn copy of Reinhold Niebuhr's _Moral Man and Immoral Society_. As he read, he tried unsuccessfully to push away the recurring images of her. He saw her lips, her skin, her legs…Fitz felt himself go hard at the thought. He placed his book back on the table and walked to guest bathroom. He turned the shower's faucet to cold and tested the water until it was icy against his fingers. He stripped off all his clothes and stepped under the spray, feeling the familiar agony of the piercing, frigid spray.

* * *

"Olivia, you look especially pretty this morning," Edison said. Olivia's gaze caught him standing behind her in the reflection of the mirror as she finished applying her makeup.

"Thank you, Edison, but it is just a regular day."

He walked behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. "No, you are different this morning. I heard you singing in the shower, something you haven't done in awhile. I'm glad you are happy, baby. I've felt that you haven't been for sometime now," he said before he kissed her on the neck and then looked back at her through the mirror. "I've put in a bid for a job that won't require me to fly as much or at all if I don't want to. I want us to start working on having a family, Liv. "

_No! I don't want his babies,_ Olivia thought immediately. Her eyes widened slightly and she inhaled slowly to catch her breath.

"You don't have to be afraid. I know the miscarriage was hard on you, but that was four years ago. The doctor said we could try again immediately then, but life took over and...I think we should try now. What do you think?" Edison asked.

"Edison, I have a lot on my mind today with my class, meetings at church, and the dinner tonight. Can we talk about this later?"

"Of course, but I thought you would be eager to get started too," he said. "I think it will draw us closer."

Olivia slipped out of his grasp and stood. She put on her earrings.

"What time is the dinner again?" Edison asked, breaking the silence.

"Why?" she frowned.

"I am going with you," he said.

"But you said you couldn't make it. You never attend any functions associated with the church. It's okay if you can't go, Edison. It's basically work. You have to get your rest before you go out on your next trip." Olivia said.

"I'm all rested up, so I'm going. It will be nice to meet who you work with…put names to faces…and meet this new Senior Pastor you disliked so much. What's his name again?" He rubbed her arms and started towards her breasts.

Her eyes darted to the clock on the basin. "Edison, I have to run. I have some things to take care of before my class. I wasn't planning to come back home before tonight so can you be ready by 5:30?"

"Yes, I can be ready. What is the dress code?"

"There's no code, really. I'm wearing this suit," she gave him a quick peck on the cheek and rushed out of the bathroom.

Edison sighed deeply wondering what he could do to bring them closer.

* * *

Olivia sped into a parking lot at The Morning Grind. She had rushed out of the house this morning without her coffee or breakfast. He had been uncharacteristically attentive this morning. Olivia hadn't liked it. For the last 4 years, she had gotten used to being off his radar and sort of invisible to him. His newfound focus on her was disconcerting. The talk about a baby and changing jobs had been too much for her to take.

After she had the miscarriage at 8 weeks, he had left her to take an extended trip. She had to deal with her grief without him. Felecia had been there to help her through it.

She unpacked her laptop bag and purse and rushed inside. She hoped to do some work before she had to leave.

"Olivia, Good Morning," a familiar voice greeted from behind her. She stopped in her tracks as she placed her bag on the table she planned to claim.

The hair on the back of her neck stood at attention when she heard that voice. It was just about the same time that she caught a familiar whiff of his scent. She still hadn't figured out if it was cologne, his own scent, or a mixture of both.

She turned unable to contain a wide smile. "Dr. Grant, Hi!" She didn't extend her hand or make any moves to greet him in any way that would require contact.

"Is this your regular coffee place?"

"When I don't get my dose of coffee or breakfast, it is. What about you?" she asked. " I know you are new to the area so..."

"I drive by it every morning on the way to work, but I've never stopped. This morning when I passed, the light caught me at the intersection. I looked over and lo and behold, there you were getting out of your car. I stopped and here I am."

"Oh, can I get you something? I have about an hour before I have to leave," she said motioning to the line of people.

"How about this? You have a seat, and I'll get you what you want," he offered.

"Okay, I'll take a medium latte and a small oatmeal."

"Okay. I'll be right back."

Olivia watched him walk away. She pulled out her laptop, powered it up, and pulled up her grade book and her student papers. Unable to resist, she glanced at the line of people, hoping to get a quick look at him. Her eyes moved over the people and met his gaze. Their gazes held for a second and she looked away.

_This is ridiculous. Its okay to look at him._

She let her eyes return to the line, but he was facing the cashier and making the order.

"One medium latte and small oatmeal," he said, joining her at the table a few minutes later.

"Thanks." She handed him a ten dollar bill.

"No, it's my treat."

She pushed the 10 dollar bill to his side of the table. He and slid it back.

"You can treat me next time. What are you working on?" he asked.

"I promised my students I would finish grading their papers and return them today. I have three more to grade. I'm teaching Intro to Preaching this semester at the seminary. These are their 5 minute sermon manuscripts."

"How are they looking? Do you need some help?"

"No, I have it. Thanks," Olivia said. She went back to reading the screen. Unfortunately she couldn't concentrate with him sitting there across from her. She closed the laptop, pushed it aside and began working on her oatmeal. "So are you all moved in and settled?"

"At home, yes. At work, I'm getting closer. It's those books. I have so many," he said.

"Yes, I was admiring your books. I thought I had a collection, but yours dwarfs mine. You have a PhD. Have you ever thought about teaching or doing research?"

"Actually, I applied for a job on the faculty of Union Seminary in New York in the ethics department. It was a long shot because for the last 15 years, well you know, I've been a pastor. I didn't get it needless to say."

"You should apply to teach at Marymount as an adjunct like me. It'll keep your scholarly juices flowing. What was your dissertation about?"

"Kierkegaard's self-affirming moral philosophy and ethics as it relates to relativism and authenticity," Fitz said.

"Just make sure you don't preach about that... if you want to keep your job," Olivia said with a chuckle. "But it sounds interesting."

"So, tell me about your wife," Olivia inquired. The question just sort of appeared out of nowhere.

He took a sip of his coffee and looked at her over the rim. "What do you want to know?"

"We both know why I haven't met her. In my avoidance, I missed out on the introductions. I'm going to meet her tonight at the dinner so tell me about her."

"She is ambitious and driven. She stayed at home with Gerry and Karen until they started school, and then she began doing consulting work after she worked in my church sporadically."

"Do you love her?" Olivia asked looking directly at him. _What are you doing Olivia?_ she thought to herself. She didn't cower as she waited for his answer. In fact, there was a challenge in her eyes.

"That's quite a question. Why are you asking it?" Fitz asked, an equal challenge in his eyes.

"You are something else, you know that? You tell me that we need to be truthful, first do no harm, move forward, blah, blah, blah, but you can't answer a direct question about something that should be very simple."

"I can answer it. I do love her. She is the mother of my children. Almost 20 years ago, I married her and vowed to love her-"

"Cherish her, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, right?" Olivia said.

Fitz didn't respond. He sat back in the chair and stared.

Olivia stared back, nonplussed. Her candor and confrontational demeanor was increasing by the minute. Olivia wasn't entirely sure, but there was something about being around him that made her want to dispense with the formalities.

"Dr. Grant, there are at the very least two ways this can go-"

"This?" he interrupted.

"Yes. This," Olivia elaborated, moving her hand between the two of them. "One, we can work together, exchanging pleasantries and idle chit chat as we do our jobs at the church until one of us initiates some kind of contact to take this to a place that we both know _this_ shouldn't go. Two, we can work together as professionals, with the firm knowledge that _this_ is completely off limits, forbidden, taboo, and really act accordingly...like we know it.

"There doesn't seem to be much difference between the two ways of handling _this a_s you call it, call us or what-"

"No. No. There is no us," she said with finality.

"Tell me about your husband. He's coming tonight, right?" Fitz said.

Olivia frowned involuntarily. She was surprised and a little caught off guard at his request and how the tables had been turned on her.

"My husband is … I love him. We are very happily married and madly in love."

"Thanks for clearing that up for me. Why aren't you Olivia _Davis_?"

"I decided to keep my maiden name. Ministry runs in my family...Pope...I'm a pastor. I like the semantic connection." She didn't like the way he was looking at her, like the cat who caught the canary. It made her mad.

"How many others have there been?" Olivia asked

"Others? What do you mean, others?" he answered with a frown.

"Women you were attracted to while married to the mother of your children…how many have you actually taken to the next level," she said.

"Hmm let me count," he said, looking up at the ceiling as if he was counting. "That number would be zero."

Olivia looked at her watch. "I have to get going." She gathered her belongings and rose from the table. She reached for her partially eaten oatmeal, but he covered her hand. A fission of desire emanated from his hand to her lower abdomen, almost slicing her in two.

Her head shot up and their gazes met. "So, you are back to the rude, dismissive act. It's not going to work," he whispered.

She snatched her hand away. "I am not being rude or dismissive. I am being honest and asking pertinent questions. I don't like this between us. There is no reason for it. We are both busy people with full lives. We don't have time for these games you are playing."

Before he could respond, she left, just as his phone started to buzz.

He watched her rush out of the front door.

"Hello," Fitz asked irritated and annoyed at the same time.

"Dr. Grant, good morning! This is Shirley Billingsley from the Union Seminary search committee. Have you thought about our offer?"

"Yes, I have Dr. Billingsley. I'm going to have to decline. After the committee overlooked me, I secured a pastoral position. I couldn't renege on my commitment now. I appreciate being reconsidered for the job. Fitz said his good bye and hung up.

* * *

"Where's Reverend Pope?" Fitz asked with a slight frown. After their encounter at the coffee shop this morning, thoughts of her had permeated his mind. He'd had time to decompress, and was now ready to face her again, ready for whatever new posture she had taken towards him. She wasn't sitting around the table with all the other senior ministerial staff. He wondered if she'd been at the church since her class ended. He didn't know since was held up in his office planning for the meeting _and_ thinking about her.

"I haven't seen her, Dr. Grant. She's usually in by noon on days she teaches class," said Harrison. "I'm sure she'll be here soon."

This was the meeting to review their clerical duties for the upcoming Sunday services. Olivia nor any of the other ministers ever missed this meeting without good cause.

About 30 minutes into the meeting, Janine appeared at the door. "Reverend Pope called. She has come down with a stomach bug and won't be in today. Dr. Grant, she isn't sure if she'll make the dinner tonight either."

"Oh no, she's never sick. It must be pretty bad. I'll call and check on her." Abby said, making a move to rise from her chair.

"I'll call to check on her after our meeting," Fitz said, curtly. The twin emotions of anger and frustration bubbled over inside him, but he kept them pushed below the surface.

"Let's open with prayer."

Fitz bowed his head and closed his eyes. He was finally resolved about what to do as it related to Olivia.

* * *

"Honey, what are you doing home? I wasn't expecting you until later this evening before the dinner," Edison said, greeting her at their front door. He hugged her and ushered her in the house.

"After my class, I met with some students and decided to come home to spend some quality time with my favorite guy," Olivia said. She slid her hand around his waist and playfully bumped him with her hip.

"Now that's what I'm talking about. What shall we do?" he asked, eyes twinkling.

Olivia was hoping he wouldn't mention talking about babies or his job. All she really wanted to do was get in bed and be still. After her class, she'd spent an hour driving around, contemplating another trip to Felecia house. She really wanted to talk to someone, but she knew it would mean admitting some hard truths about herself. These truths felt disjointed and haphazard. She wasn't able to make sense of them when considered all together. After leaving the coffee shop, she could no longer deny the impact her intense physical attraction to Fitz was having on her emotional and mental state. For her it was palatable and overwhelming. She often imagined what it would feel like to be touched by him, have him inside her, have his lips on hers. When she was using Mr. 7, it was him she fantasized about. At the coffee shop she tried to bait him with that question about whether or not he loved his wife. But the joke had been on her when he answered in the affirmative because she experienced inexplicable jealousy. That had been the reason she'd become so abrasive. Although she and Fitz had acknowledged their attraction, she wasn't ready to tell anyone else about it.

Then their was Edison. She'd have to admit that she didn't love him, had never really been in love with him really attracted to him. In their 5 years of marriage, she'd never had an a real orgasm with him. It would be hard to admit that she'd married him to please her parents. And then there was the miscarriage which she was numb about. No thoughts emerged on that front.

Then their was her resentment toward God. She was in a general state of malaise in her life and she couldn't pinpoint when it had happened or why it had happened. Deep down she felt separated from what used to inspire her when she first began working at Grace after seminary.

After driving around and becoming more engrossed in her own miasma of despair, she made the conscious decision to forgo the ministerial meeting and go home. She reasoned that Edison's revelations from the morning might be what she needed. Maybe rekindling or kindling something between them would be the stepping stone she needed to get over these obstacles.

She looked up at Edison hopeful. "How about popcorn and a movie here at home. We can veg out on the sofa," Olivia suggested with a smile.

"What about the dinner?" he asked.

"Let's play it by ear," she said.

* * *

Olivia was awakened by a noise coming from far away. Though it wasn't near, she could still hear it. The lights of the television blinked on and off in the darkness. She looked around and realized that they had fallen asleep on the couch. A half eaten bowl of popcorn and two half full glasses of wine resided on the coffee table. Olivia padded over to her purse sitting on the ottoman by the front door. She pulled out her vibrating cell phone. When she saw it was from Fitz a burning sensation emanated from her chest to her lower abdomen. She sought privacy in the garage.

She walked to the far side of the garage trying to control all the emotions she was feeling at that moment, excitement, trepidation, anxiety, arousal, and fear since she'd missed another meeting. She swallowed and took a deep breath. Just as she was preparing to answer, the vibrating stopped. As she contemplated what to do, the phone buzzed again. It was him. She answered on the first ring this time.

"Hello," said breathlessly.

"Reverend Pope?" he said.

Olivia knew it was Fitz, but he sounded different, curt, short, abrupt. He used her formal name.

"Yes...Dr. Grant, It's Olivia," she said slowly.

"I trust that your stomach bug is gone because we both know that is not why you weren't at the meeting today. Listen to me, your actions have been unprofessional, irresponsible, and disrespectful to your colleagues in ministry. I get it. You have decided to replace your attraction to me with contempt and disdain. I demand that you stop this immature behavior. I am not only calling to demand you stop, but to make you a guarantee that I will steer clear of you, Olivia Pope. No more, idle chit chat as you said or pleasantries. It will be all business. We can definitely manage that. I won't accept your absence at our meetings or your dodging anymore. There's no reason for it and not the actions of someone who is committed to their ministry. Does that meet with your approval?"

Olivia didn't realize she had been holding her breath until he asked her that question.

"Yes, but I don't feel contempt-" Olivia said, her words rushing out.

"It doesn't matter, Reverend Pope. Oh and I'll see you and your husband tonight at the dinner. I look forward to meeting him. Good night, Reverend Pope," he said before hanging up.

Olivia felt like she had been slapped. She looked at the phone and considered calling him back.

"Liv, honey, what are you doing out here?" Edison said. He was standing in the door.

"It was work. We should start getting ready for the dinner."

"Are you okay?

"Yes. I'm fine." She wanted to cry.

* * *

"Welcome! You must be Reverend Pope, and you must be her husband, husband Mr. Edison Davis!" Mellie greeted them at the door. She smiled brightly at both of them. She took in Olivia's dress which was too provocative for her liking. The crème colored dress fell just above the knee and it hugged her in all the right places, accentuating her small waist and hips.

Olivia had decided to change her clothes. After she'd gotten the call from Fitz, she'd had this overwhelming desire to look her best tonight.

They arrived 20 minutes late. Everyone was already seated at the dining room table.

"Reverend Pope! Mr. Davis! I don't think we've met, Mr. Davis," said Fitz who stood when they entered the room. Olivia noticed how he avoided looking at her. In fact, he stood facing away from her when they approached the table to sit down. He was all smiles, but he didn't give her even a once over.

"Looking good, Rev," Harrison said.

They took a seat at the table. It happened that Olivia ended up sitting next to Fitz. He immediately rose from his chair.

"Mellie, why don't you sit next to Reverend Pope? We've all had our ice breakers," Fitz.

Mellie complied and thus the major freeze out perpetrated by Fitz directed at Olivia began.

He wouldn't make eye contact with her. He rarely spoke to her directly. He periodically became engaged in these long drawn out conversations about just about anything. Throughout their time at the table, when they moved into the large sitting room, and even through a card game, Fitz maintained his cold shoulder. With each hour that passed, Olivia was affected by his inattention. She kept it under wraps, but it began to manifest itself in her trying to get his attention. She asked him about the meeting she missed.

He assured her, without a glance her way, that Janine would give her the details. At one point, Fitz left the sitting room to get a tray of desserts. Olivia waited an acceptable amount of time went into the kitchen. As soon as she walked into the kitchen, he was walking towards the door. Olivia stopped in front of him, a pleading look on her face.

"Excuse me," he said and walked around her with the tray.

By the time she and Edison announced that they were leaving, Olivia was eager to go.

"Your pastor is not so bad Olivia. He actually seems really nice. Stop judging him, honey. Get to know him and everything will be alright," Edison said, putting Olivia's hand to his lips as they cruised done the highway. "You seemed a little anxious."

"I'm fine, Edison," she promised, feeling anything but.

* * *

"Edison, I have to go out," Olivia said.

They had been home for about an hour when Olivia made a decision. She changed out of her dinner clothes and into jeans and a pull over.

"What are you going?"

Olivia didn't quite know herself, but she answered.

"Felecia called. She asked me to come. She said it was an emergency."

"An emergency that Johnathan can't handle? I should come with you-" he said.

"No! It's a private matter she isn't ready to share it with Johnathan." Olivia said. She kissed Edison on the cheek. "I'll call you when I get there and when I'm headed home. Thanks again for tonight."

Olivia left out of the garage door and hopped in her car. She wasn't planning to go to Felecia's. On the surface, she didn't know where she was going as she drove around aimlessly. She rode to the church, the seminary, and then the coffee shop. Finally, she did what was in her mind to do the moment she left the house. She dialed his number, pressing each number deliberately.

When the line connected, she didn't say anything at first.

"Hello? Hello? Reverend Pope, what can I do for you?"

"I need to see you," she whispered, hoarsely.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"I need to see you!" she exclaimed.

"Set something up with Janine for tomorrow morning. You can call her first thing."

"I need to see you tonight, Fitz…tonight. Right now."

"Where are you?"

"At the coffee shop, but it is closing soon."

"Meet me at the parsonage," he said. "I'll be there in 20 minutes." Then he hung up.

* * *

The parsonage was a house set aside for the pastor of Grace Church if he or she didn't have their own home. It was a quaint three bedroom bungalow. In the past it has been used to host guests who came in town to preach or for use at the discretion of the pastor. Twenty minutes later, Olivia was walking up the steps.

"I'm assuming this is important, Reverend Pope, since it's late, and we just saw each other at my house."

He sat in an armchair that had to be circa 1960 by Olivia's estimation. It was bright orange. He looked totally relaxed sitting there facing her with one foot propped on his opposite knee, his hands resting on his thighs. Though Olivia had changed into more casual attire, he still wore a white dress shirt, grey slacks, and black loafers. He was absent a necktie. His white starched shirt was unbuttoned to the third hole. He looked a little tired, but that did not detract from what Olivia saw.

Everything about him drew her in and turned up her arousal several notches. She looked at his trouser socks, visible now because of the way he was sitting. The grey and black paisley design contrasted with his leather loafers. An interplay of different emotions still sliced through her. She felt like she was perched on a precipice that was high above a grand landscape. Taking the leap would mean she could explore that majesty until gravity sent her to a certain death. From where she sat now, on the well-worn sofa in a room alone with his majesty, she wanted to fling herself off and deal with the consequences later. In reality though, she was literally sitting on her hands with her legs crossed.

"Oh? You knew I was at the dinner tonight? You never looked my way the entire time." Olivia was trying for sarcasm but she sounded whiney. "You can drop the Reverend Pope. We are beyond that."

"Your dress's purpose was in the design. Simple enough, white, but designed to accentuate parts of you I should not be looking at. But I did see you. I looked at you. I didn't let you see that I was looking at you. Also, you made it crystal clear that I am anathema to you," he explained.

"Are you trying to say I was dressed inappropriately?" she asked incredulously.

"No. Again, why did you want to see me tonight?" he pressed.

Olivia ignored his question and moved closer to the edge of the sofa. In sliding forward, the wetness between her legs was brought to her attention. She shifted on the seat and rested her elbows on her knees. Her head fell into her cupped hands.

"Fitz, I…I…you are not anathema to me," she said. She shifted again and sat back against the sofa, re-crossing her legs. "I've never felt—"

"I'm going to ask you again. Why did you call me, Olivia? What do you want? Why are we here? We've had this conversation before and established the reality of the situation. I thought we were moving forward until you stormed out of the coffee shop. Then you were a no show at the ministerial meeting. At the dinner, I gave you what you obviously wanted, space away from me. So what is the problem?"

"You. I want you," she said directly, gaining power from telling the truth. "I want you, Fitz. I know I'm not supposed to want you. It's wrong and sinful. It makes me feel weak and out of control when I'm with you…when I'm not with you. I've never felt this way before. We just met. I barely know you, but tonight when you ignored me...I felt…I can't even explain it. I don't understand this…us…this thing that occurred when I first met you. Maybe it's not real, but just another symptom of everything that is going wrong in my life."

Fitz let his foot fall to the floor. He rested his head on his hand and rubbed his temple. He stood, walked over to where she sat, and joined her on the sofa. He had to tell her.

"Do you remember Good Friday two years ago? You were one of the speakers who preached the Seven Last Words at Corinth Baptist Church? You preached the sixth word, "It is finished."

That he was sitting so close to her on the sofa caused her to only comprehend the last three words he said, "It is finished."

"What?" she whispered.

"Olivia, this is not the first time we've met. Two years ago, I attended a service at Corinth Baptist Church. I was in town for a conference and went to that service. That was the first time I saw you. After the program, I was in the long line of people to greet you and the other speakers. I felt the same way…a connection...then that I feel now…that you feel now…I wanted to tell you how moving your sermon was, but what really drove me was my interest in _you_. Standing there in that receiving line, I talked myself down and then walked away. I had to remind myself that I was married and what I was doing was outside the realm of righteousness. You can imagine my surprise when, two years later, I see you again as my interviewer for this job. That was the first time I saw you. I don't understand this either."

He looked at her. She looked at him. Their faces were so close. She couldn't believe what he'd just shared. Hearing that he knew she existed two years ago, made her feel closer to him…like this was meant to be, though it resolved nothing.

"I remember that service," she said, looking at his lips. "I wish you wouldn't have talked yourself down."

"How is that day any different from today?" His eyes roamed over her face stopping at her lips.

His question hung between them. In the blink of an eye, their lips met and molded together. The tension that had been building between them was released. The kiss was not frantic, but slow and deliberate. His tongue reached deep into her mouth sliding against hers. She whimpered into his mouth and grasped his shoulders. Her hands moved up to his neck and into his hair.

Neither had decided how far they would take this. He pushed her down until her back touched the sofa. Their mouths were still locked as they discovered different sensations of tongue against tongue and tongue against teeth.

On her back now, Fitz was above her. The threadbare sofa wasn't going to accommodate them so he lifted her off and moved to the floor. He knelt between her bent legs on his knees. He rested his hands on her knees and traced a path down the front of her thighs and back up to her knees, his eyes never leaving hers. Even though her jeans provided a barrier, preventing skin to skin contact, they were both content and didn't make a move to remove their clothes.

His hands traced another path down either side of her inner thighs. When they met in the middle, at the juncture, he caressed her through her jeans with the heel of his hand. She lifted her hips against his hand, reveling at how good it felt. She sat up balancing on her elbows pushing harder against his hand. With each forward movement of her hips against his hand liquid heat filled her panties. He settled his hips against hers and began grinding against her. Olivia felt his sound hardness against her. He laid on top of her and captured her mouth again. They moved against each other with all the barriers in tact. It didn't matter because Olivia felt a familiar spasm radiate deep within her. Her eyes shot open just as she came still encased in her jeans. She gasped and her mouth went slack against his.

They lay on the floor for awhile until Fitz pulled her up and back to the sofa. This time she sat on his lap.

Finally he spoke. "Olivia, I don't have any answers. But I don't think it is a good idea for us to be alone like this," he said caressing her cheek.

"You're right. So we just go on like this didn't happen?" She laid her head on his shoulder.

"I think so," he said.

* * *

They each drove back to their respective houses on autopilot.

Fitz was in deep thought about the implications of what he had done tonight. He knew he needed to seek God's guidance because he honestly didn't have any answers. All he knew was that he wasn't going to stay away from her.

Olivia thought about being on the precipice again. She wondered if she had jumped tonight. Replaying the scene of their time at the parsonage, she was sure she had to some degree. Now she needed to find a way to catch herself before gravity took over.

Later that night after she'd gotten home and was in the bed. She sent him a text, unable to wrest him from her thoughts, mostly because she didn't try to.

**OP: **Hi

**FG: **Hi

**OP:** Goodnight.

**FG:** Goodnight and sweet dreams.


	3. Delay or Deny

**Chapter 3**

**Delay or Deny**

* * *

_The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places. -Isaiah 58:11a_

* * *

Fitz sat at his desk at home putting the finishing touches on his sermon. It was Saturday night, a little under 12 hours before his first real Sunday at Grace. This Sunday would be his day to take the helm as senior pastor. He would preach all three services. He experienced the normal excitement and anxiety that accompanied any new endeavor, but it paled in comparison to the caldron of emotions that were building inside him for Olivia. It had been 3 days since the parsonage encounter and he was beside himself with what he had termed a major case of cognitive dissonance.

Mellie, Karen, and Gerry were out having dinner with Mellie's sister. The house was quiet accept for the strains of Beethoven on the radio compliments of NPR. The crescendos of the musical pieces beautifully matched the machinations of his psyche, the dramatic highs and lows. The strains of Für Elise floated from the radio. The music couldn't quiet his own thoughts that had one common main character and theme, Olivia Pope and his deep need for her.

They had both been delusional to think they could deny what had transpired between them. They had tried though. Politeness and professionalism defined all their subsequent encounters at the church. Fitz propped his head on his fist and chuckled at how they managed to migrate to each other whenever they were in the same room. The magnetism was frustrating for him since he couldn't act on it once they were in close proximity. Right now he wanted to call her, but he decided against it for the 10th time tonight. These internal conversations were working against him, as he mind would invent ways, excuses, elaborate plans to see her or talk to her. Fitz had rarely acted on them in the three days hence. Life happened every day so the many calls on his time and attention kept him from being idle with his thoughts and plans.

He had done his share of praying too. He was been brutally honest about his feelings for her and asked for guidance from God. No amount of praying lessened his desire, but he knew there were no quick fixes. He was mature enough to know that this situation was his to navigate. All the answers, the right and the wrong of it, had been played and replayed. He revisited the biblical stories of David for solace. Fitz wondered if he needed to speak with his mentor, Reverend Beene. He made a mental note to call him next week.

At that moment, his cell phone rang. He instantly knew it was her or he hope it was. He walked with measured steps to answer it. They hadn't spoken by phone since the night of the parsonage encounter. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw her name, simply Olivia, not Reverend Pope, or Ms. Pope flash on his phone. Every one of his professional colleagues names were listed with a title.

"Good evening, Reverend Pope," he answered.

"And good evening to you, Dr. Grant," she said. Her tone was formal.

He couldn't help but contain the broad smile that covered his face. He sat down at his desk and propped his sock covered feet atop the papers resting there.

"Are you making fun of me?" he said.

"No. I wouldn't dare do that. You are my boss. I want to keep my job. Truthfully, I am making fun of both of us. We can't quite decide how we're going to address each other, formally or informally. It's...um...interesting how we continue to turn the tables. When we first met, I insisted on the formal. You insisted on the informal. Now the opposite is true. I insist on you calling me, Olivia," she said.

He rose from the chair and sat on the sofa. He loosened the buttons on his white shirt. He was still smiling.

"Okay, Olivia...since you insist," he conceded in a husky tone which came off more intimate than he intended or so he thought. "What are you doing?"

Olivia sat on the vanity stool in her bathroom, naked accept for a robe. She balanced the phone between her cheek and shoulder. Her foot was propped on the stool as she polished her toenails.

"Nothing really," she said. "Just getting ready for show time at Grace tomorrow. A certain new pastor requested two specific songs that Bill is practically forcing me to sing."

"You have a beautiful voice, Olivia. You should use it more often."

"Did you request the songs in isolation or did you request that _I_ sing the songs?" she inquired suspiciously.

"Why does it matter?"

"How did you even know I could sing, Fitz?"

"I think I've already explained..." he said, hoping he wouldn't have to mention where he explained it since they were acting as if the parsonage encounter hadn't occurred.

The last three days for her had been indescribable. She actually thought spending more time with Edison before he left out on his next tour would cure her of the mind trip she had when she was within a 50 foot radius of Fitz or when she closed her eyes and thought about him. The day after the parsonage encounter she and Edison had been having a heated discussion about politics. In addition to being mismatched sexually, their house was divided politically. Olivia was a staunch Democrat and Edison was a black Republican. Every chance she got, she would add the descriptor "black" to that designation since being black and Republican were antithetical in her mind. During this particular argument when she was giving him a long diatribe about the GOP's all out assault on the president, she'd called him, "Fitz." He looked at her with a puzzled expression which she ignored. She'd quickly asked him who he thought the Republican frontrunner would be in 2016. She let out a thankful breath when he'd launched into a long explanation of who he thought his party should nominate. Olivia's heart had slowed down from its frantic beating.

Now that Edison was gone and she was all alone at home, she wanted him to mention the parsonage. She wanted to talk about it.

"I don't remember you explaining how you knew I could sing, Fitz," she said.

There was quiet between them. He let his head fall back, and he closed his eyes. He saw her at the parsonage, writhing on the floor under him and then the expression on her face when she had come. He went painfully hard. _She wants me to go there. I won't. _After a few more seconds, he responded.

"You sang after your sermon at Corinth where I first saw you two years ago."

"Oh…right," she said.

"Do you want to know the text of my sermon for tomorrow?"

She changed legs to paint the other foot. "Sure. What passage of the good book will you use to illuminate us?"

"The scripture is Isaiah 58:9-12. My title is "Get out Way. Let Go and Let God Repair the Breach in your Life."

She didn't immediately respond.

"So what do you think?"

"Your title…umm…it doesn't match the biblical passage. That particular text is directed at a group of people, the people of Israel, calling them to act corporately as a body. Your title is more personal, relating to our personal or individual lives. I don't like it when sermons take such politically powerful texts and reduce them to the personal relationship with God. But that's just me."

"Wow. You got all that from the scripture and a title? I hope my crowd tomorrow isn't as hard on me as you are," he said, "Thankfully, I have a pretty thick skin."

"No, I wasn't...I'm sorry...I," she said.

"It's okay. You'll just have to see tomorrow, Livy."

When Olivia heard how he addressed her, she dropped her fingernail polish. Her reaction time was off and she could only watch as the purple liquid spilled onto the white area rug.

"Oh no," she said. She pick up the overturned bottle, but the damage had already been done. The purple liquid had made a nice stain which she added to when she jerked the bottle causing it to splatter more.

"What's wrong?"

"I dropped my nail polish and made a big mess," she said. "I won't ever get this purple stain out of this white rug. I'll have to trash it."

"So you're painting your nails...purple?"

"Just my toes. It's going to sound weird, but it is my ritual. I always paint my toes purple when I serve at church. It's something my friend Felecia and I started in seminary. We were total nerds. Exodus 19:6 says, 'You shall be for me a priestly kingdom and holy nation.' For some reason in seminary this was our mantra whenever we needed encouragement. We would tell each other to cheer up because we were apart of that priestly kingdom and holy nation. Then we started wearing purple polish whenever we went to church. I know it sounds a little corny. Neither one of us were Greek in college so we sort of invented our own secret society of the nerdy variety."

"Greek?"

"Sororities and fraternities?"

"Oh, yes. I should know that since I am."

"What fraternity?"

"Delta Kappa Epsilon."

"I'm impressed. DKE has produced many presidents and other big name folks."

"You'll have to let me see," he said.

"See what?" she asked, confused.

"Your purple toes..."

A bolt of arousal shot through her when he said that. She couldn't respond.

_I guess I said that out loud, _he thought.

"I forgot about my coffee. I had just put on a fresh pot when you called," he said.

"Coffee? Are you trying to stay up? I thought you were finished with your sermon?"

"I just had a taste for some. I would give my left arm for a big piece of gingerbread dusted with powdered sugar," he said.

"You have a sweet tooth?"

"Not really. Gingerbread is comfort food for me. My mom and dad did missionary work in Bermuda when I was a kid. Bermudians love their gingerbread. It became a staple dessert for me. I don't get it as much as I'd like."

"Bermuda. I've never been there."

"It is a beautiful island. You should visit one day."

"I just might do that."

"So is your husband back at the job flying the friendly skies?"

She chuckled. "I like that. Yes, he is working."

"When will he be back?"

"Next Sunday."

"That's a long time. Does he usually leave for seven days?"

"No. It's usually three to four days. He volunteered for this trip to help a friend out."

"You aren't uneasy or lonely at home for such a long time?"

"Not really. I'm at Grace most nights with some meeting or gathering."

"Where's your wife and kids now?"

"They are having dinner with my wife's sister."

Olivia made a mental calculation of how long it would take her to get to him or him to get to her. She took a deep breath. It was past time to end this conversation.

"Fitz, I've kept you long enough. I'll see you bright and early Sunday morning. The crowd at the 8 o'clock service is rowdy if you can believe that. Be ready."

"I'm looking forward to it," he said.

"Good night," she said.

Neither of them disconnected.

"I know it happened, Livy. Despite what we agreed on, the parsonage did happen."

"I know, Fitz. I know."

"Good night."

"Good night."

* * *

The next morning Fitz arrived at church alone. Mellie, Karen, and Gerry planned on coming later for the last service. He unlocked his office door while looking at the program and balancing his coffee. After he read the last word, mentally making notes, he noticed a white box in the center of his desk. He picked it up, and released the purple ribbon that was tied in a bow. Inside was a healthy piece of gingerbread with a dusting of white powder. He breathed in its heavenly smell.

"Livy," he said.

He rubbed the purple ribbon and took a seat in his chair. Reaching into the box, he pulled out gingerbread and sank his teeth into its spongy goodness. He ate every bit of it including the crumbs. His coffee sat there but he refused to drink it, wanting to savor the taste instead of washing it down. He laid back in his chair. This gesture of hers made his heart even heavier than it already was.

* * *

The room was filled with excitement. In fact, excitement flowed around the grounds at Grace Tabernacle. It was Sunday and the crowds were converging on the church. The place was abuzz with movement from the parking ministry directing traffic and parking to the ministers now gathered in the room stage left of the grand rostrum. This was the third and last service of the day. With each subsequent service, the spirit rose higher and higher. Each minister gathered, Fitz, Olivia, Harrison, Abby, was adorned in their clerical robes. They all bounced to the song the Praise Team was leading the congregation in:

Glory to glory to glory to glory

To glory to glory to God

To the only (God)

Our Savior (Savior)

Be majesty dominion and power

Forever and ever and ever

Be glorified

Let the people praise Him

Rejoice in all his goodness

And be thankful for all he has done

Tell the generations

From the mountains to the valley

By His spirit the victory is won

For the Lord is worthy to be praised

His hand of salvation redeems us this hour

so Lord beyond the balance of our days

Be glory and honor

Dominion and power

Glory to glory to glory to glory

To Glory to glory to God

Toward the end of the song the ministers walked out on the rostrum and joined in with the praise team. The service had begun.

* * *

"What _is_ a breach?" asked Fitz. He was fully engaged in his sermon. "You really have to understand this word, fundamentally, to fully comprehend what had happened between God and his people. A breach is an act of breaking or failing to observe a law, agreement, or code of conduct. We've all heard of breach of contract. Well the people of Israel had forgotten, whether willfully or not, how to worship God. God had been very specific about what his people should or should not do. They had priests dedicated to delineating this, but somehow they moved away from the true worship of God. And…that forgetting caused them to forget who they where and most importantly _whose _they were...do you all here me?"

"My Lord!" hollered out Sister Jackson who always had an encouraging word for the preacher.

Fitz gained strength from her response.

"So our text today shows us what God was asking them to do to _repair the breach_...repeat after me, 'repair the breach.' "

"Repair the breach!" the congregation said.

"He told them to remove that yoke of judgment against others and speaking evil against their fellow man or woman. Most importantly he wanted them to work on behalf of the oppressed, to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, care for the widows and the orphans. Recognize, my friends, that these were more "do" than "don't" statements. If they did what he asked, as a body, he promised to guide them and continually satisfy their needs in parched places and then to finally repair the breach between them and himself."

"Help us Lord!" shouted Brother Stephens.

"My question to you today is this. Is there is a breach in your life? Are their parched places in your life that need to be satisfied? If your answer is yes, the prescription is here. Be about the business of building up the kingdom and God will repair your breach. We are just broken cisterns needing to be filled. A wise person warned me that I shouldn't take this scripture out of context or trivialize it to the personal. But I must tell you that we as the people of God are made up of individuals who are hurting, individually, because of our own personal struggles. We need both a personal and a corporate word from God..."

Olivia was trying to stay calm because she had to sing, _Order my Steps,_ after the sermon, but she felt like he was preaching to her. If anyone had some parched places and a breach between her and God, it was her. With a heavy heart, she rose to sing:

_I want to walk worthy,_

_My calling to fulfill._

_Please order my steps lord,_

_And I'll do your blessed will._

_The world is ever changing,_

_But you are still the same;_

_If you order my steps, I'll praise your name._

Fitz began calling people to the altar for prayer as she reached the end of the song. Olivia let her own tears flow freely as she let the song minister to her.

* * *

Olivia was hiding in her office. It was 6 in the evening and Sunday service had long since ended.

She was weary. After the service, the long receiving line of parishioners wanting to greet the pastor snaked through the sanctuary. Olivia had been flanked at Fitz's left. She had wilted when his wife had come through the line. Mellie was genuinely nice to her, but Olivia was uncomfortable when she hugged Fitz and gave him a peck on the cheek. She looked away and pumped the hands of the next person in line, hating herself for her thoughts especially after Fitz's moving sermon. Then there was the dinner in the dining hall. Sitting at his table with his wife and kids had not been pleasant, but the arrangements had been predetermined by someone who didn't understand how difficult it was for her to sit next to the man who had given her an orgasm with her clothes on. His wife was sitting next to him being just that, his doting wife. She seemed more affectionate than she had been at the dinner a couple of days ago. But Olivia couldn't trust her first impression of the dinner since she had been preoccupied with whether or not Fitz would make eye contact.

Olivia was hiding in her office because she didn't want anyone to comment on how anointed his sermon had been or how moving her songs had been. She just wanted to go home and sit in a hot bath. Mr. 7 wasn't on the menu. She had no desire for Mr. 7 these days.

She walked to the window and looked down at the parking lot. People were milling out so she figured she could make a get away.

A gasp escaped from her lips when she turned around. Fitz was standing in the door.

_Wasn't that door closed and locked? _she thought.

Her question was answered when he closed the door and placed the shiny keys in his pocket.

"What are you doing up here all alone?"

He stepped closer and she stepped back.

Olivia couldn't bring herself to construct some flippant answer. Her face spoke volumes. Fitz grabbed her hands in his.

"Today was really something, Livy. Don't you think?"

She nodded and smiled at him.

"Thank you for singing."

She nodded again.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Fitz. Today was a blessing. I should get going."

Olivia walked to the door. Fitz caught her hand.

"Would you go for a drive with me?"

She turned around. He still held her hand.

"What?"

"Go for a drive with me. I want to show you something. I found it yesterday morning. I know you'll like it."

"Do you think that is a good idea?"

"After the parsonage, I'm all out of good ideas. What I have to show you is...let's just say we won't be able to get into any compromising positions. Please say you'll come with me."

"Okay. I'll come because you've piqued my interest."

"I'll follow you home so we can take my car."

Later, Olivia walked down her driveway and to Fitz's car, the Mercedes she had imagined riding in not too long ago. He hopped out of the car and opened the door for her. She watched him walk around the front.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Before we leave I have to see..."

"See what?" she asked.

"Your purple toes."

With an smile on her lips, she pulled off her sling black and raised her left leg until her foot was visible. Her black stocking prevented the full effect of the polish, but the purple was still visible.

"Nice," he said.


	4. Work on Me

**Chapter 8**

**Work on Me**

* * *

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.-Philippians 2:13

* * *

_He really knows how to drive a car_, Olivia thought. She watched him in her peripheral vision when he shifted the joystick backward and forward, his knees rising and falling as he pushed the clutch, brake, and gas. It was a well coordinated, seamless process that she couldn't stop watching. Her eyes began to ache a little from the constant side glancing.

"What are you thinking about?"

She jumped slightly and gasped, embarrassed and startled.

"I'm sorry. Did I startle you? You must have been in deep thought. Share."

"I was thinking about the service today. Your sermon was very moving. First rule of preaching, though. Never use it as a platform to talk to someone. You really showed _me_. Thankfully no one knew you were calling me out."

"I thought the rule was to never use it as a platform to admonish someone. I wasn't admonishing you. It was a continuation of our conversation. In all seriousness, though, the beginning of my sermon wasn't as good as my ending. I think I gave too much historical background on the Israelites."

"No. That was appropriate. Just take the compliment." Olivia playfully patted the top of his hand. Before she could move her hand, he snatched his hand up and covered hers over the gear shift.

"What _are_ you doing? I don't know how to drive a straight shift." She had no choice but to move closer to him since she was helping him maneuver the joystick.

"I'm still driving. You're assisting. You like this car don't you? I saw you admiring it. Were you one of those girls in high school who fawned over guys with fast cars?"

"No, I did not fawn over anyone. My mother wouldn't have allowed that. But I do like your car. You should let my hand go. I don't want to cause us to have an accident." She chuckled.

After a couple of gear changes, he freed her hand. She returned it to her lap.

"I'll have to learn all those transition songs you all sing at church. I tried to mumble through today. Teach me."

"Those songs are easy. The one after the altar call goes like this." She began to sing:

_There's a blessing in this house waiting for you._

_There's a blessing in this house waiting for you._

_Have the faith to receive it. _

_God knows that you need it. _

_There's a blessing in this house waiting for you._

"...then you replace 'blessing' with 'deliverance', then 'salvation', and anything else that comes to mind. The other one is just a couple of lines from an old hymn. It goes like this:

_And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,_

_Bear you on the breath of dawn,_

_Make you to shine like the sun,_

_And hold you in the palm of His Hand._

Olivia led him through them a couple of times. "See you have it. You have a nice tenor voice. I think I will tell Bill." She smiled at him and he smiled back.

The car fell silent again except for the low hum of the engine.

"The best part of my Sunday was early this morning. I walked into my office and found a gift from an angel…the most delicious piece of gingerbread I've ever tasted. When we hung up last night it was too late for you to bake it, but the gingerbread tasted homemade. How did you pull that off? I really appreciated the gesture, Olivia."

"Really? Gingerbread? I didn't have…anything to do with that."

Fitz turned his head and gave her a look. When his eyes were off the road for longer than Olivia was uncomfortable with, she spoke. "Okay, I did bake a small batch last night. I remembered an easy recipe on the back of the blackstrap molasses bottle. I had most of the ingredients at home except for the powdered sugar which I got at the pharmacy around the corner. It was nothing."

"It was everything."

Olivia wanted to look at him, but she couldn't. They rode in silence. _What am I doing here?_

He shut the car off. They were on the side of a dirt road.

"Where are we? We haven't been driving that long, but I have no idea where we are."

Olivia looked out the window. It was starting to get dark.

"We are on the back side of Lullwater Park. I jog here almost every day," he said, releasing his seatbelt.

"Oh…Lullwater…this is a beautiful park. It's getting dark, though, Fitz, and there are hardly any lights inside the park as it is. I don't have on the appropriate shoes or clothes."

"You will be fine," he said. He reached in the glove compartment and grabbed a flashlight. Then he exited the car.

Olivia still sat in the car. "Why did I agree to this?" She pulled down the sun visor for a quick face and teeth check. _Why am I checking my appearance? _

When she flipped the visor up, she looked back and saw him through the rear window, raise the trunk. "What is he doing?" The trunk slammed, and he walked around and opened her door. He extended his hand to help her out of the car, but she stepped out, unaided. That's when she noticed the blanket. Her face must have spoke volumes because he said, "Don't worry Olivia. This is just in case we decide to sit."

She didn't say a word when he shut the door and they began walking to an opening in the woods. "It's not far, just through these trees."

Olivia looked skeptical as she walked forward gingerly, through the dirt, thankful that she didn't have on higher heels. He grabbed her hand and she let him, savoring the warmth, like an embrace. Her hands were always cold, but his were very warm.

They were on a well-worn trail that led to some trees and to a paved path. They crossed the path and walked through another tree laden area. It was getting darker by the minute, but this path included light posts every couple of feet. Finally he stopped in front of an interesting looking tree. To her, it looked like a giant bonsai tree. There was a light post beside the tree that gave them a good view of it.

"I was on my run yesterday morning and noticed this tree. I've never seen one like it," he said. He touched the bark. She did too.

"What kind of tree is it?"

"That was my question Saturday morning so I took a picture of it and searched online. You'll never guess."

"I have no idea. I'm not a tree person. The only trees I can identify on sight are crape myrtles, dogwoods, and river birch."

"And why do you know those on sight?"

Olivia chuckled at his question.

"What's funny?"

"You are funny. You ask a question and then you ask another question before I have a chance to answer."

He smiled at her. "You are very interesting, and I am very curious."

Olivia stopped laughing. "My father and grandfather planted those types of trees. I heard them mentioned in conversation during my childhood. No one ever taught me. So what type of tree is this? It's so interesting to look at. It really draws you in. It has character. I'm surprised it's not labeled."

"It's an olive tree. And as I'm sure you're aware, your name means olive tree."

This took Olivia completely by surprise. She didn't know how to respond. But she did know what she had to do. She backed up with upraised arms and turned to walk away.

"I just can't…do this."

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to the tree. "Don't go."

Fitz rested his hands on her shoulders. She looked down at the ground. After awhile, she looked up at him, "Fitz, why? Why did you show me this...this tree? I'm really trying to do the right thing here, but you keep-"

"Now that's a lie, if I've ever heard one! Why did you bake the gingerbread for me? Why would you wrap it in a box and leave it for me on my desk?" There was accusation in his voice.

"I was trying to be considerate…and friendly. I thought it was a nice gesture, like a 'break a leg' on your first Sunday. I thought it would comfort you."

"It did comfort me," he whispered moving closer to her. "You comfort me."

She walked back to the tree and looked at it. After taking several breaths, she turned around, knowing he was so close there behind her.

"Fitz, this isn't-"

He rubbed his nose against hers.

"Right." He breathed the word more that spoke it. "This isn't right. I know, but why does it feel so right." His finger grazed her cheek. "Like kissing you is right." He kissed her on the cheek.

"I don't know. But none of what we feel blots out the fact that we both are married to other people and we are-"

The rest of what she was going to say was lost against his lips. He dropped the flashlight and blanket and wrapped his arms around her.

She couldn't deny herself. She wouldn't deny him. They kissed for what seemed like an eternity.

"Parsonage," he said. She nodded. He retrieved the flashlight and blanket and they walked back to the car hand in hand. They crossed the paved road and entered the deep part of the tree laden area. They walked a couple of steps and the next thing Olivia knew Fitz had her pressed against another tree. A little gasp of surprise escaped her lips before she laughed a little. "We can't do this against a tree, Fitz," she muttered between his kisses and roving hands. She decided to forget about everything...where they were...the wrong of it...she just kissed and let herself be kissed by him.

"Fitz, wait," she pushed against his shoulders. "What's that noise?"

"Nothing," he said pulling her close to him.

"No, I hear something." When he released her, she followed the noise. It sounded like whimpering. Fitz followed behind her. They walked around some trees and saw a mound of branches, vines, and underbrush. Olivia rushed to the mound because she saw two feet sticking out from one side. The weak sound grew stronger as they got closer.

"Someone is under this!"

They moved the branches back and saw a person laying there on its side. Fitz pulled the person back by the shoulder. They both gasped at the sight. It was a woman with bruises, cuts, and welts all over her face. Her clothing was littered with blood stains. She was still trying to speak. She moved her hand to her stomach.

"Fitz, Oh My God! She's pregnant. We have to get help," Olivia said frantically.

Fitz threw the blanket over the woman and scooped her up in his arms. Olivia followed behind him as they headed back to his car with an entirely different destination in mind.


	5. Unashamed

**Chapter 9**

**Unashamed**

* * *

_Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman," for out of Man this one was taken." Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed-Genesis 2:23-25._

* * *

Bent forward, head in hands, Olivia tried to catch her breath.

_I was so close to..._ she thought, unable to admit it even in her private thoughts. _Talk about a ram in the bush with that young girl. Lord, not that I am using someone else's misfortune for my own gain, but had we not found her I would be at the parsonage now having..._

"Livy, are you okay?" Fitz asked. He had just entered the intensive care waiting room where Olivia was sitting, grappling with her thoughts. Aside from a middle aged Asian man, asleep in the back of the room, there were no other people present. He held two cups of coffee.

Even now after being with him through this ordeal, her still heart quickened when she saw him. No amount of time spent with him, lessened her need for him or her response to him. This was both intoxicating and frightening.

"One coffee, two sugars, three creamers," he recited, extending the coffee container to her after sitting next to her on one of the sterile waiting room sofas.

"Thank you," she accepted, taking a cautious sip of the hot liquid. He did the same. They studied each other over their coffee cups.

"Are you okay?" he asked again. This time he caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek into his hand. Finally, she opened her eyes and sighed deeply.

"Fitz, that's a complicated question. I want to know how the young woman and her baby are doing, but I have to wait. In that respect, not knowing...I'm not okay. And then..." she croaked, her voice breaking and her eyes brimming with tears. "And then there's us. I just don't know what to do about that. I mean I know that I should stay away from you-"

"Shhh, Livy," he said, placing his forefinger over her lips. "Let's not talk about this now. Let's just focus on the woman and her baby that we rescued. We can revisit us later. How's that?" He continued caressing her face.

"Not good. Do you realize how you look at me, Fitz? Do you even know? Can you even stop? You act like we can put this on a shelf and come back and take it down later. If we could do that there would be no problem. We could put these feelings we have away. But I can't, just can't...Fitz...just..." she stopped talking and took a long swig of coffee. It burned her mouth and throat on the way down.

"Okay we can revisit it," she finally agreed.

"Dr. Grant?" called a balding and portly Caucasian man who appeared at the door flanked by a tall African American woman. They both wore nondescript, plain dark suits. Fitz and Olivia rose to their feet and walked forward to meet them. They were expecting to speak to the detectives since the initial officers who had been called to the hospital had prepared them for this visit.

"I'm Dr. Grant and this is Reverend Pope," Fitz said. They made their introductions and acknowledgements.

"We have a few questions about the woman you found in the park tonight. Please follow us," Detective Hatcher instructed.

Fitz and Olivia followed the detectives into a small room. It appeared to be a break room with a sink, vending machine, microwave, and rectangular tables. They each took a seat at the table in the center of the room.

Olivia felt apprehensive about answering questions. It wasn't until this very moment that she thought about people questioning why she and Fitz had been at Lullwater park, alone, at dusk.

"We haven't been able to identify the woman so we are calling her 'Jane Doe'. From what you told the police officers, you two were walking through the park and heard the woman's voice. Please explain what happened from beginning to end," instructed the woman detective who pulled out an electronic tablet and stylus to take notes. The man pulled out a small notepad and pencil.

Fitz looked from one to the other and smiled slightly at the technological difference.

"Reverend Pope and I were walking through Lullwater. We had actually _been_ on a walk and were heading back to the car. She heard a sound and-" Fitz began.

"So you didn't hear the sound?" asked the woman detective.

"Reverend Pope heard it first-"

"Why didn't you hear it-" she grilled.

Fitz looked down at his finger picking at the plastic cap of the coffee cup and then he looked back up at the detective. "Umm, I think I was talking maybe, but I did eventually hear her when Reverend Pope walked toward the sound. She saw the woman's feet. She was covered in branches. We pulled the underbrush off of her. I covered her with the blanket that I-" Fitz hesitated. As soon as he said it he knew what was coming next.

"Blanket? We were wondering about that blanket. We are hoping it would help us find the bastard who did this. Where was it on the scene?" Detective Hatcher asked.

Fitz looked at Olivia. Olivia looked at Fitz. Her expression was unreadable to him which was rare. He squeezed the bridge of his nose and just told the truth.

"The blanket belongs to me. I had it before we found the woman," Fitz admitted.

"Dr. Grant. Reverend Pope. It is our goal to find out what happened to Jane Doe. We need the truth of what happened before, during, and after you found the woman. We don't believe you two had anything to do with this, but you will need to tell us why you two were there even if it would-"

"Listen. Dr. Grant and I are work colleagues at a church. He was recently hired as the senior pastor there. This was his first Sunday preaching and he wanted my opinion on the day...how it went. We went for a walk _with_ a blanket in the event we wanted to sit. We walked, talked, and were heading back to the car when we heard someone in distress. We collected her and took her immediately to the hospital. That is the whole story. Nothing more. Nothing less," Olivia explained with finality. She looked from one detective to the other.

The detectives looked at each other.

"Okay. Well, we thank you for your time. Please take our cards. If you think of anything else or just want to talk about it, give us a call," said Detective Daniel. They shook hands again. The detectives left them sitting in the room alone. When the door shut, Fitz covered her hand with his and squeezed.

"Fitz, have you talked to Mellie? I'm sure she's worried," Olivia asked, looking at their joined hands.

"I called her when I went to get our coffee," he said. Now, he interlaced his fingers with hers. They both watched their hands moving against the others.

"What did you tell her?"

"I lied, Livy. I told her that I was called to handle a crisis with a church member who'd had a death in the family. I know that was wrong, but I didn't take the time to tell the truth. What should I have said? I couldn't bring myself to leave Olivia who looked so sad after church. I took her to the park to show her an olive tree that reminded me of her. I begged her to let me make love to her and she said yes so we started to leave, heading to the parsonage, where, by the way, we have met before and shared the most sexually stimulating time I've ever had-"

"Fitz, stop-"

"...with my clothes on. We couldn't make it to the parsonage because I pushed her up against a tree-"

"Fitz!"

"And she heard a woman-"

Olivia snatched her hand away from his and walked out of the room. He sat there, leaned back with his hands behind his head and tried unsuccessfully to clear his mind.

* * *

"Dr. Grant. Reverend Pope. The patient is in recovery right now. She was beaten severely and barely alive when you brought her here. She is in critical but stable condition now. There is a lot of swelling, but my team and I are confident she will recover," the doctor explained.

"What about the baby?" Olivia asked shakily. Her heart was heavy. She knew she would lose it if that baby died. She wasn't sure why, but she needed to see the baby.

"I'm sorry. I was going in order. It is quite remarkable. The baby is fine. He was not harmed at all. We were forced to deliver him, but he was due any day now. We estimate that she was a little over 38 weeks. The only complication is that the baby has Down Syndrome."

"Can I see her and the baby?" Olivia asked.

"You can't see her yet because she is still in recovery. You can see the baby. He's in the nursery," the doctor said.

"Dr. Taylor, we know that she hasn't been identified so how is everything being taken care of? I mean who is making the decisions? Who's taking care of the bill?" Fitz asked.

"We have contacted the Department of Family and Children Services about the infant. As for the bill, she will receive treatment just like any other person who cannot pay at this point."

"Is it possible for me to put my name down as the responsible party at least until she wakes up and can make decisions for herself and the baby. I want to be called in the event, God forbid, something happens to her or the baby."

"I want to be responsible also," Olivia said. "I want to add my name and contact information."

"Okay. We can get that taken care of," Dr. Taylor said. "You can now follow me to the nursery to see Baby John Doe."

The doctor walked out of his office before them. They reached out to clasp hands before stepping into the hallway behind the doctor.

* * *

He fell in love with her all over again. Even though he had not said it aloud or acknowledged it before now. He knew it was the reality. She wore a yellow smock with little bears on it. Her arms were circled around the baby who was swaddled tightly in a beige blanket. She sat in a rocking chair looking down at the bundle as if the was the most treasured, most valuable possession she'd ever held. There was also a look of pure joy on her face as she looked down at the baby.

"Fitz, isn't he just perfect?" Olivia said. He possessed the almond shaped eyes characteristic of Down syndrome. He had a head full of black curly hair. His skin was the color of walnut.

Fitz was bent over her looking at the baby. He was wearing his own teddy bear covered blue smock. "Yes, he is. I can see that he has a fan. You've been holding him for 45 minutes straight, Olivia. It's getting late. We probably should go. We both need sleep." He knelt beside her.

"I know. The nurses are giving me dirty looks," she laughed. "Okay, little man. I will see you in the morning. I hope your mommy will be awake and able to meet you."

A nurse appeared and collected the baby from Olivia's arms. "Do you know his mother? It is sad about her isn't it?" the nurse said.

Olivia didn't answer the nurse immediately. "I want to leave my name and number. Please call me in case of an emergency with the baby."

Once Olivia and Fitz left their information there and at the intensive care nurse's station, they left the hospital.

* * *

He pulled into her driveway and killed the engine.

They turned to face each other knowing that parting was inevitable.

"This has been some day, Livy."

"Yes. There aren't any words. At least none I can think of to fully capture it all," she said with a sad smile.

"So you're going to the hospital in the morning?" he asked.

"Yes. I don't know who she is, but I know that she needs someone. That baby does too," she said.

"I'll be there, too," he said. "We are in this together."

He grabbed an errant curl hanging at her cheek and rubbed it between his fingers. "You are so beautiful, Livy. I could look at you all day. It's not just what I see when I look at you. It's what I feel when I see you, think about you. I know what the barriers are between us, but I cannot deny this. Now, obviously I have some things to think about, some decisions to make. Mellie, my wife, doesn't deserve this. There is Karen and Gerry too. Mellie and I haven't been...we've been going through the motions for some time now. Even before now when I could have said without hesitation that I was in love with her, those feelings weren't a fraction of what I feel for you now. If you let me, I'm going to kiss you. I need to kiss you right now. I promise I won't-"

Olivia reached out and pulled him to her, tears flowing, heart pounding. They kissed frantically as if this would be their last. Soon, the windows held the film of their breath that filled the car. When she finally let him go, he licked away her tears and rained kisses down her neck. Inexplicably, he began sucking on her neck, needed some outlet for all the things he wanted to do but couldn't.

The buzz of his phone staunched the intensity of their passion.

"Fitz," she breathed. "It's your phone." She twisted her neck away from his lips.

He pulled back and pulled his phone from his pocket. "It's Mellie. I should get going."

Olivia shook her head. He reached for her again and they kissed, just lip to lip, one last time.

Fitz exited the car, walked around to her side, and opened the door. She stepped out and he made a motion to hug her, but she stopped him with her hand.

"Let me go, Fitz. I'll see you in the morning."

He stood back and watched her until she entered the house and closed the door behind her without looking back.

* * *

When Fitz arrived home, he was surprised to find that Mellie was asleep. The excitement of the day had finally began to take a toll on him. Unfortunately, it hadn't calmed his arousal. Thoughts of Olivia transferred from his mind to his body. He turned the spray on to the coldest setting and stepped inside the shower. These icy, frigid showers were becoming so common place that his body was becoming immune. He grabbed hold of the railings on either side of the shower and let the arctic water cascade down his torso and abdomen. The shower door slid open and Mellie stepped inside.

"Whoa, Fitz! Why is this water so damn cold?" she screamed, shutting off the faucet. Either because of his tiredness or the frigid water, he didn't have the time to cover himself. She looked down and could not ignore his raging erection standing at attention."

"Oh, that's why," she said, before stepping out of the shower. She grabbed her robe to cover her naked body.

Fitz followed suit. His erection gone now, he slipped on his robe and followed her into the bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed shaking slightly, either from the cold temperature or the realization of what was happening.

He sat down beside her and rubbed her arms.

"Who is she?" she said looking straight ahead.

He didn't immediately respond, continuing to rub her shoulders and arms. She twisted away from him.

"Who is she? Who is behind that erection, Fitz? It's obviously not me. I have the right to know."

"Mellie, I'd rather not say right now. I'm still trying to sort this out. It's not her fault. This doesn't concern her. The state of our marriage has nothing to do with her. We do need to talk about us though," he said softly.

"How dare you try to protect someone else you're sleeping with, Fitz. Is that where you were tonight, with her? She must not be a good whore if she couldn't tame that hard ass dick of yours. This has everything to do with her. Our marriage isn't perfect, but we've never betrayed each other like this. I lay this at her feet. Who is she?" Mellie demanded.

"I'm not going to tell you that, Mellie. It's not important. I know there is nothing I can say to make this better. It's not fair to you that I am in love with another woman. I didn't set out for this to happen. I've considered my options-"

"Shut up! You don't have any options. You stop seeing her immediately. That is the only option. You of all people should know that. We are married. Till death do us part. You don't get to change that. You are a minister and I am your wife. You cannot leave me without losing the illusion of being a man of God. Even though you are anything but. I don't want to talk about this any longer. Take another cold shower. Go for a run. I don't care. When the sun rises in the morning, I don't want to hear a word about this. If you bring it up again, I'll be forced to find out who this whore is and...it won't be pretty," Mellie railed. She picked up her discarded night gown and snatched it over her head. Pulling back the bed clothes, she laid down in the bed.

* * *

"Liv, I've been trying to reach you all day. Where have you been? I know you were at church this morning, but why didn't you return my phone call?" Edison demanded.

"I'm sorry," Olivia replied with a yawn. "Church went long. Then there were the after service activities. I went for a walk after church."

"You did? Alone?"

Olivia decided not to lie. "No. I was with the pastor," she said, but then rushed forward afraid he might ask more questions. "He actually did a great job today. His sermon was about how God repairs the breaches in our lives...the conditions under which he will do that. I sang two songs. Each service was packed."

"That's good, right? The selection committee made a good decision after all."

Olivia's heart broke into little pieces at what he thought was a casual remark.

"Liv, are you crying?"

"On our walk, we found a pregnant woman who had been left for dead. We took her to the hospital. They delivered her baby, but she is in critical condition. The baby is doing well. I'm going back to visit her and the baby in the morning," Olivia explained, her words rushing out like a tidal wave.

"Wow, Liv. Do they know who this woman is? Was she black or white?" Edison asked.

Olivia saw a call coming in from Fitz. "Edison, I'm tired. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, honey. I love you."

"You too."

Her heart quickened as she connected the line, but she didn't say anything.

"Livy?"

"Yes."

"Are you in bed?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I wish I was there with you," he breathed.

"I wish you were here too."


	6. Abundance of Caution

**Chapter 10**

**Abundance of Caution**

* * *

_And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.-Matthew 5:30_

_Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you.-Matthew 7:6_

* * *

Olivia shut off her blaring cell phone alarm. Eager to get up and out to the hospital, she sat up and jumped out of bed. The hospital drew her because she desired more than anything to hold the baby close, to check on his mother, and to see Fitz. Olivia turned on her small Bose radio to _National Public Radio_ and padded into the bathroom. It was 6:30 in the morning so she had ample time to get ready and make it to the hospital at the start of visiting hours.

She gasped in surprise when she saw herself in the mirror.

"Oh my Lord, Fitz what did you do to me?" She craned her neck to get a closer look at the cherry colored splotches littered there. The more she looked at them the more tickled she became at the sight. She remembered his lips on hers and then on her neck. These old fashioned hickies made her giddy because they were like an unexpected 'Good Morning' from him. Without thinking, Olivia grabbed her cell phone and dialed his number.

"Hello," a female voice, who Olivia was certain belonged to Mellie, chimed in.

Olivia's heart stopped, and she immediately disconnected the line. Her phone rang immediately. Fitz's name flashed across the screen.

She didn't answer it. "Oh no," she whispered, covering her mouth with her hand. Time seemed to slow down as she waited to see if the voice mail message indicator would appear.

The red circle appeared indicating a message. "Why did I hang up on her? I should have said something." She walked the length of the vanity and back again.

She snatched up the phone, turned around, and leaned against the vanity.

"Lord, what should I do?" she sighed heavily.

She finally hit the necessary buttons to play the message and braced herself for it.

**_This is Mrs. Grant. It is 6:37 in the morning. You call my husband's phone, but when I answer, you hang up in my face. There is only one explanation for that. You are sleeping with my husband. You better call me back at 555-0922. Now. _**

Olivia let her head fall back and released another sigh. "I can't believe this. This is...uhhhhh!"

She replayed the message in order to write down the number. Then she dialed it.

Mellie answered on the first ring. "Good. You called, Ol-"

"Mrs. Grant, it is not what you think. I was-"

"It _is_ what I think...what I know. He's already admitted it so don't even make an attempt to distort the truth. You should-" Mellie said.

"We are not-" Olivia said.

"...be _ashamed_ of yourself. It's one thing to be an adulterer-" Mellie continued.

"I'm not an adulterer-" Olivia raised her voice.

"...but it is an entirely different thing to be one _and _be a _pastor_ at a church. Aren't you married too? So you are not only trying to break up my home, but your own. This should have been easy. Don't sleep with any man other than your husband. You need to resign immediately," Mellie demanded.

Olivia held the phone, becoming angrier by the minute.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Mellie challenged.

"I've been trying but you won't let me. I'm not having an affair with your husband," Olivia said. The conviction in her voice was fueled by anger. "I'm sorry I hung up on you! I thought I had the wrong number because I wasn't expecting a woman's voice." Olivia almost believed her own lie.

"I don't believe you," Mellie said.

"Could you put Dr. Grant on the phone now and we can clear this up? He may have admitted to having an affair with someone, but that someone is not me," Olivia said, while wondering if Fitz really did tell Mellie about them. She gained fervor and indignation as her fabrication solidified in her mind.

"So you are telling me that you hung up because you thought you had the wrong number?"

"Yes, Mrs. Grant. It is early and one of our parishioners was taken to the hospital last night. I was calling to tell Dr. Grant that he didn't need to visit one of our church members who was rushed to the hospital last night. This was strictly church business. I apologize for the inconvenience, but Dr. Grant said it was okay to call him on his cell phone at anytime."

They held the phone until Mellie said, "Okay, I'm going to get my husband."

Olivia slid to the floor and waited. She didn't know what she was going to say when Fitz got on the phone.

Olivia heard unfamiliar sounds over the phone. Then she heard their voices in the background.

"What is going on, Mellie? Who's on the phone?" Fitz asked. Olivia's heart sped up when she heard his voice.

"It's Olivia Pope," said Mellie, "Take it, but put it on speaker."

"Hello?" Fitz said.

"Dr. Grant, this is Reverend Pope. I called your cell phone this morning. When your wife answered, I hung up mistakenly because I thought I had the wrong number. Unfortunately, your wife thought there was more to the call. I was calling to tell you that you didn't have to visit Sister Watkins and her baby at the hospital. Reverend Wright told me to tell you this since you were out late last night with that family who had the unexpected death. I apologize Dr. Grant, Mrs. Grant for this gross misunderstanding. "Mrs. Grant, I hope you can accept my apol-"

"It's okay. I did answer his phone. I hope we can keep this between us," said Mellie.

"Oh, of course," said Olivia.

"Reverend Pope, thanks for delivering the message, but I _will _see you at the hospital this morning. Goodbye," Fitz said. Then he disconnected the line.

After the line was disconnected, Olivia tried to catch her breath.

"I can't do this. I won't do this," she promised herself. Her phone rang again.

"Felecia! You're a godsend. It's so good to hear from you. I wish I could see you right now," Olivia said.

"Well, O, your wish is my command. I am about 15 minutes away from you," Felecia announced.

"Really?"

"Yes. Johnathan's parents are in town. I love them, but after 5 days, they are like day old fish, rotten and in desperate need of being discarded. I left my first born with them to be spoiled even more rotten that he already is now," said Felecia.

"John John is not spoiled, Felecia. So, how long are you going to be with me, all day, overnight...please say overnight."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but only for the day. You've been on my mind since you stopped by. I've been meaning to call you, but Johnathan's parents decided to visit at the last minute and that was that. I'll see you soon."

"You just don't know how much I need you right now," Olivia said with a sigh.

* * *

"O, your phone is ringing," Felicia said.

Olivia ignored it.

They were headed to the hospital. Olivia hadn't fully explained her entanglement with Fitz nor the circumstances surrounding the woman and baby they had found in the park.

"Who is it?" Olivia glanced at her phone that was laying in one of her cup holders.

"The caller ID says, 'Fitz'. Do you want me to answer for you?"

"No, don't answer it. How's Johnathan?"

"He's doing well. John John is fine, but I'm not here to talk about them. What's going on with you?"

"Oh it seems like such a long time since I visited you. A lot has happened since then." Olivia glanced at Felecia and then back at the road.

"You remember when I told you that I was...attracted to the senior pastor...he's the one we hired recently?"

"Yes, but you said you were overreacting."

"I wasn't, Felecia. Things have...there have been developments..."

"Developments like what?"

"We are sort of involved..."

What do you mean by, 'involved'?"

There was a long pause before she spoke.

"When I met him the first time, during the interview, I was attracted to him. It was embarrassing at first. I avoided him and-"

"That's why you showed up at my house that day?"

Olivia nodded. "He confronted me about it and acknowledged that he was attracted to me too. We came to an agreement of sorts that we would acknowledge it as two mature adults, but not act on it of course. But Felecia, it's only gotten worse because the attraction...is getting out of hand."

"Out of hand like you have gotten physical...?

"Yes. We've...kissed and..." Olivia glanced at Felecia again.

"And?"

"Let's just say he knows how I look when I come, but he hasn't seen me naked."

Felecia's eyes widened at that statement. "Well if he was the one to make you come, then being naked doesn't really matter, right?. Where do things stand now between you?"

"Sunday night we were planning to have sex, but we didn't because we found the pregnant woman in the park."

"O, sweetie, this is...serious."

Olivia pulled into the hospital lot and parked. She turned to face Felecia and untied her scarf.

Felecia frowned when she saw the discolorations on Olivia's neck. "Those aren't..."

"Yes, Felecia, these are hickies."

Felecia shook her head and began to laugh. "O, I should _not_ be laughing, but those look ridiculous."

Olivia didn't think it was funny so she didn't respond.

"I'm sorry, O. No more laughing. I know this is serious. So you and Fitz have been playing with some serious fire. Does anyone else know about this?"

"I called him this morning on his cell phone. When his wife answered, I wasn't expecting her so I hung up. She called me back immediately and accused me of having an affair with him. I was able to convince her that she was mistaken. I lied. But Felecia, that conversation made me snap out of this fog I'm in. I need to end this thing he and I have going on. I am on the verge of jeopardizing everything for something as fleeting as sex and what has to be infatuation. Every day it becomes harder and harder to resist it."

"O, is this just about sex?"

"No, I don't think so...maybe it is...I do fantasize about him sexually...a lot. I think it also has to do with how disconnected I've been from Edison and the church...maybe even God. This thing with him is just a symptom of that. I think if I can keep it strictly business and limit any alone time with him, I can get over it and move on. I need stay away from him."

"O, What about Edison? Are you going to address what's happening with you two. Maybe that would help. I hate to bring this up, but I mentioned-"

"I know, Felecia. You said I shouldn't marry someone I wasn't in love with."

"No, I didn't say you shouldn't marry him. I said that there was no guarantee that you would grow to love him _and _that you shouldn't let your parents decide whom you should marry. Besides, neither one of you are even members of the Seventh-day Adventist Church anymore. You parents pressured you to marry him because he was in that denomination and fit _their_ qualifications for your mate in every other way. They thought marrying him would guarantee that you'd stay SDA, but it didn't. I think you need to be honest about that, O. Can you talk to Edison? Tell him the issues. Seek out some help. Do you want to make your marriage to him work? Be honest."

Olivia glanced at the radio clock. "He wants to try to get pregnant. But, I don't want to have any more children with him. When I had the miscarriage, it was hard enough. I don't want to go through that again."

"Why do you say 'with him'? Sounds like it has less to do with losing the baby and more with not trying again with him."

"Felecia, what would you do if you were in this situation. What should I do?"

"Sweetie...you know it doesn't work that way. I can't tell you what I'd do just like I can't tell you what to do. I think you know what to do deep down. I _will_ say that you need to talk to Edison as soon as possible. Tell him how you feel. Talk to him."

Olivia retied the scarf. "I need to stop messing around with Fitz...I know that much. I won't deny it. I have zero will power when it comes to him."

* * *

Fitz thought about Olivia all morning. He wondered what she was thinking. He suspected she was going to start avoiding him again. He also wondered why she'd called him this morning. He didn't know that Mellie had his phone. He'd slept in the guest room with the phone on the beside table. He'd taken it with him inside the bathroom, laying it on the sink. He guessed that she'd entered while he was in the shower. After the phone call with Olivia, he'd expected Mellie to continue questioning him about Olivia. Instead she'd defended her decision to answer his phone.

"Mellie, you can't do this. You can't answer my phone and start making these kinds of allegations."

"Until you reveal this woman's identity, I have the right to try to find out. You are my husband, but yet you are protecting her."

"Mellie, we need to talk about us."

"No, you need to snap out of this so we can go back to our life," Mellie said, scowling at him.

"But what if I don't want that and can't do that?"

"Well, you don't really have a choice," she said before leaving the guest room.

Now, Fitz was intent on getting some answers from Olivia, but his first order of business was checking on the woman and baby.

* * *

"Thank you..for saving me and my baby," she said looking from Olivia to Fitz.

Olivia squeezed her hand which seemed to be one of the few places on her body that did not have bandages. It was difficult to get a sense of her age. All they knew was that she was African-American, female and between the ages of 15-30. She sounded young and frail.

"Are you still in a lot of pain?" Fitz asked.

"Only when the drugs wear off. It was hard to hold my baby this morning. Have you seen him yet? I know he has Downs Syndrome, but he is mine and I won't ever give him up. I couldn't have..." she said, sounding defensive.

"I held him last night and he is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen," Olivia announced, her eyes starting to brim with tears.

"She held him for almost an hour. Would you tell us your name?" Fitz asked gently.

"Shawnessy, but I go by Shawn."

"Shawn, can you tell us who did this to you? We spoke to the detectives. They will be back today," Fitz said.

"I don't want to talk about that. I can't. Please don't make me," Shawn said, closing the one eye they could see, since the other was bandaged.

"It's okay, Shawn. You don't have to tell us. Do you have anywhere to go? Any family we can call for you?" Olivia asked.

"No, but I...we'll be okay. Do you mind if I get some rest now?" Shawn asked. She scooted down in the bed and laid back, a signal that she didn't want to talk anymore.

"Okay, Shawn. We'll be outside if you need anything," Fitz said.

They left the room. Immediately, the air around them changed. Fitz noticed how Olivia's back stiffened and how she clinched her hands into fists. She broke into a speed walk down the corridor, her heels click-clacking loudly against the shiny linoleum.

"We need to talk, Livy. I can feel it. I can see it on your face and in your body language. You are pulling away from me. But you owe me at least one conversation," Fitz whispered so that only she heard.

She stopped suddenly. He passed her but doubled back. "I don't owe you anything! Do you realize what almost happened this morning? It still may happen if Mellie isn't convinced. And what did she mean by you admitting an affair with someone? Tell me you didn't!" Olivia hissed.

"As I said, we need to talk."

"Okay, talk!" she snapped.

"You really want to talk about this here in this hallway?"

Olivia looked around them. She saw a door marked "Authorized Personnel Only" and walked inside. He followed her. The room was a small supply closet with shelves of cleaning supplies and other equipment. As soon as the door shut, enclosing them inside, they shared a look that pushed them back to the park.

"Not here. I need to check on my friend. I'll meet you in the cafeteria in 10 minutes," she said, before slipping out of the door.

* * *

"Why didn't you talk to him? You shouldn't have delayed it to check on me. I've been talking to Shawn. Did you know she is 20? That's all I've been able to get out of her. We've been mostly holding and talking about the baby. She is trying to think of a name for him," Felecia said.

"I should be in there talking to her. Those detectives will be here sometime today. Maybe I can help her prepare for it," Olivia said.

"O, you are trying to avoid the situation with Fitz. Go and talk to him. I'll be here." Felicia shooed her away.

* * *

He was sitting at a table. He was engrossed in his cell phone. She realized that nothing had changed. They had almost been caught, but she still wanted him. But wanting him was wrong. He looked up and their eyes met. Their gaze held for the duration of her walk to the table where he sat.

"Okay, talk," she said, sitting down.

He gave her a sad smile. "Livy, why are you so angry with me?" he asked thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry, Fitz. Let's talk," she said in calm deference, releasing some of her hardness.

He leaned forward. "What we feel for each other...what we have between us is real...I have real feelings for you. I want you in ways I've never wanted any other woman before."

"Is that some kinky come on?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "I'm not impressed."

"No. It's not a come on, Livy. I'm not trying to impress you. What I am trying to say is that I love you." He leaned in closer, grasping her wrist. "I love you. I don't know when it happened exactly...two years ago...last week...when you made me that gingerbread...when you held the baby...I don't know when. I don't know what to call it. Divine design, kismet, fate... But what I do know is that I love you. I want to make love to you."

Olivia felt light, yet weighted down. "I don't know what to say to that, Fitz. What can I say to that? If we were meant to be, then we would...be. God wouldn't ordain something like this. We've already gone too far. What we have...what we share is lust. You talk about it like it's some sort of fairytale, but, Fitz, it is not. You don't love me. You want to, excuse my language, but I think directness is appropriate, you want to fuck me. It's just that simple."

Olivia noticed the stark look of pain flash across his face as she his face went stony. "That's what this is, huh? So you want to fuck me, too, I guess."

She averted her eyes. "It doesn't matter."

He moved his hand away from her and sat back. "I think directness is appropriate. You want to fuck me too, right?"

"Yes, I do." She looked at him straight in the eyes. "But we both know that would be a terrible mistake. We need to stay away from each other, Fitz. All business all the time."

He stared back at her. "Okay. Since you've cleared that up, I will agree. All business all the time."

He rose from the table and left. After a few steps, he returned. "I care about what happens to Shawn and the baby. I will be visiting them and helping in any way I can. So when you see me at the hospital that is what I am doing," he said before walking away.

She turned away so she wouldn't see him. Her anger was all she had to hold on to as a defense. She held on tight.

* * *

"Did you really say that, O? Did you use that word after he said he loved you? Don't you think you would have had sex by now if it was just lust. Look, I don't really know Fitz, but I know you, sweetie. You are in the middle of a perfect storm. You are in a marriage to a man you don't love and have little attraction to. You are are questioning everything about your life right now. You've just met a man who pushes all your buttons. You are doing everything in your power _not _ to face this."

"That is not true, Felecia! I ended it with him just now. I may have been less than diplomatic about it...I get so mad at him sometimes...it doesn't make sense I know..."

"He laid it all out there and you totally rejected him. Talk about throwing his pearls before swine. You practically mauled him. You need to deal with your misplaced anger at him, though. Okay, so you've made your decision, Liv. Stick with it. No more baking gingerbread. Don't be wishy-washy."

"You're right. It's all settled. I did the right thing," said Olivia emphatically.


	7. Homecoming

******Chapter 7**

**Homecoming**

* * *

_Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. -Song of Solomon 8:6-7a._

* * *

Olivia could no longer deny it. She was broken completely in two. The source of her brokenness was Dr. Fitzgerald Grant. He had kept the promise he made to her three Mondays ago in that hospital cafeteria. Olivia could now admit that she loved him and wanted to make love to him, mirroring what he'd admitted to her so earnestly. In fact, she loved him so much that she hated him because of how he had been treating her these last three weeks. She replayed what he said to her over and over again as if in the reimagining she could somehow go back and modify her response. Instead of rejecting him, she would have accepted him. Now, he regarded her with an indifference so complete that she would have preferred hatred to this superficial regard. Hatred would mean he felt something. But instead he was a paragon of politeness and professionalism.

They had settled into a routine. She saw him him most days at church for meetings or most nights during evening activities or services. His standard greeting was an artificial smile, a tap on the shoulder, and a perfunctory, "Reverend Pope, how _are_ you?" He rarely gave her a chance to respond to his inquiry before moving on to the next person or simply walking away. In her primary role of seeking funding for the church, she was scheduled to meet with him monthly to review her progress on securing grants or envisioning new campaigns to raise money. After the first week of their exile from each other, they were due to meet. Olivia had been hopeful that she could finally talk to him alone. Unfortunately, he had requested that Marjorie attend to take notes. The meeting had been very uncomfortable for Olivia. She had been forced to pretend she wasn't dying inside with him so close and her inability to address the issues that were on her heart and mind. She had negotiated with herself countless times about whether or not to contact him outside of church. When she got close to acting on her impulse, she would call Felecia.

And then there was the new way he interacted with Mellie, who was now a permanent fixture at the church. They appeared to be closer and happy. He held her hand. One time she walked by his office and they were laughing gleefully about something. Olivia suspected that Mellie harbored a smidgen of doubt about the story she fed to her on the phone that morning. When they interacted, Olivia could feel a difference in Mellie's regard toward her. It was very subtle and extremely difficult to identify a concrete example. She just knew Mellie looked at her with well-masked contempt. Since Mellie was present more, she took the opportunity to be near her husband more. After sermons on Sunday, Mellie now joined the receiving line with Fitz. She popped up unannounced to bring him lunch frequently, began to attend a women's bible study that Olivia led, as well as joining the Hospitality Ministry. Olivia felt this was strategic since it was a way to be involved in the church without really being involved. Where there were two or three or more gathered at the church, there was always food. In this way, Mellie was privy to the dates and times of all events. In addition to Fitz's indifference, she was forced to endure Mellie's constant presence and veiled disdain.

Olivia pondered all this until Edison's voice forced her out of her thoughts.

"Liv, where is that coffee, honey?" he asked.

She looked down at her hand holding the carafe under the faucet flowing with water that had long since filled it too capacity. Now the deluge slowly filled the sink.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I..." Olivia said, coming out of her fog and turning off the faucet. She lifted up the carafe and poured out the water until only the acceptable amount remained.

"You were deep in thought about something, Liv. What's going on with you, baby? You haven't been yourself for weeks now. Half the time you seem sad. The other half you seem angry. I think you are stretching yourself thin between church, your teaching schedule, and now with this woman and her baby living here," Edison said, lowering his voice since Shawn and the baby were in the house. "You have taken on too much. These are not the conditions for you to get pregnant. All this stress is not good for you either." He walked up behind her, snaked his arms around her waist, and kissed her cheek. She stepped out of his embrace and walked to the cabinet to get the coffee tin.

"I'm okay Edison. I was just thinking about the capital campaign we are about to start at the church. Those are always so overwhelming and consuming," Olivia explained while measuring the coffee into the filter. "Shawn and little Lincoln are a joy to have around. They have no one, Edison. I will never abandon her or Lincoln-"

"Liv, where is this misplaced since of responsibility for this random woman and her disabled baby coming from? What you have done for her is great, but they are not your responsibility. I let them stay here because I feel guilty about leaving you alone for long stretches of time when I go out on jobs. But this will change when my bid for this new job goes through. I'll be here and we will have our own family. There is no room in our life for them. You should use your contacts to get her help-"

"That is not necessary. I already have a place to go," Shawn announced from the door. Her arms were empty so Olivia guessed that Lincoln was asleep.

"Shawn, Edison did not mean that. You and Lincoln are welcome to stay here for as long as you want." She walked to Shawn.

Olivia had found solace in two things since her exile from Fitz. Joining the choir at church, which had been inevitable since she sang for Fitz's inaugural Sunday. Secondly, helping Shawn heal her wounds and care for Lincoln provided breaks in her sullen and ill temper. Fitz did a great deal to to help care for them too. Sometimes it felt as if Shawn and Lincoln were their only link to each other, similar to the children of a divorced couple. When it had been time for Shawn to leave the hospital they had each done their level best to woo Shawn to their solution. They had each taken care to avoid the other when visiting them at the hospital. During one of his visits, Fitz had offered to rent an apartment for her. Olivia had shot down that idea when Shawn shared his suggestion with her during her visit. Olivia had insisted that Shawn and Lincoln stay with her. The winning point was that Olivia's house was practically empty most of the time since Edison was often away.

Shawn smiled at Olivia. "It's okay, Livs. Today, Fitz said that the board had approved for me and Lincoln to stay at the parsonage."

Under any other circumstances, that would have been good news for Olivia. When Shawn said, 'parsonage' Olivia's heart jumped at the reminder of what has happened between her and Fitz there.

"Shawn, I'm on the board and I hadn't heard anything about this. I think it's a great idea, though, I worry about who will help you with Lincoln. You still have those spasms in your legs-"

"That's blessed news, Shawn," Edison said, before leaving the room.

Olivia ignored Edison's departure. She was reeling from what she felt was a deliberate ploy by Fitz to punish her anew. That she didn't know about it had to be deliberate. She vowed to deal with that later. "Shawn, I don't think that's a good idea. You'll be at the parsonage alone. What about Lincoln? When I work from home I'm able to watch him. I won't be able to do that if you are living at the parsonage. Besides the parsonage needs some work."

Lincoln's cry interrupted their conversation. They both walked into the room that Olivia had made into a nursery for Lincoln. Olivia picked him up and immediately began attending to him as if he was her own.

Shawn stayed back and smiled. This was first time she had ever felt so loved. She was so thankful for it all. Since she'd heard their panicked voices that night from what seemed like thousands of miles away when she had been left for dead, they had been her fierce protectors and caretakers.

"Livs, can I ask you something?" Shawn had not indulged her curiosity about the relationship between Olivia and Fitz, primarily because she didn't want them to start asking more questions about her past or who was responsible for her beating. They respected her decision to keep her past in the past. When she had denied knowing her attacker and maintained that it was a random act of violence, she knew they didn't believe her. She'd loved them all the more because they did not push her. Now, observing Olivia's unhappiness, she couldn't resist asking her.

"Sure, anything, Shawn. Lincoln, I think you just wanted auntie Livs to hold you. You're not wet and I know your Mommy has already fed you." Olivia smiled down at him and nuzzled his cheek.

"What's the deal with you and Fitz?" Shawn asked directly.

Olivia didn't look up from the baby, but Shawn saw her freeze at the mention of his name.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"Well, I know you work together as pastors at that church, but are you more than that?" she asked.

Olivia looked up at Shawn. She was a beautiful young girl. Now that the bruises and swelling were nearly all gone her features and youthfulness finally came into view. She was tall and lanky with with the same almond colored skin as Lincoln. She had a thick mane of coal black wavy hair that had initially been hidden under a long black wig. Now she wore it in twists compliments of a natural hair salon visit Olivia had treated her to. Olivia wondered why she was asking this question.

Aside from the first two nights of her hospital stay, Olivia and Fitz had not been in the same room with Shawn. They invited her to church, separately, in spite of the possibility that people might ask questions about her. They never had to be careful about their origin story of how Shawn came into their life because she quietly declined their invitation. "I just don't feel comfortable at church," she had said.

"What do you mean more than that? More than what?" Olivia asked.

Shawn pursed her lips and looked at Olivia with a, "you know what I mean" look.

"Dr. Grant and I work together in ministry, Shawn. That's it," Olivia said.

"I know that, but whenever I mention your name to him or his name to you, your faces get all weird."

"I really don't know what you mean Shawn. Just now, I might have looked surprised when you told me about the parsonage, especially since I knew nothing about it. I am on the board at the church and I didn't know they offered you the parsonage. I don't know why, Fitz didn't involve me-"

"See, that's what I mean, Livs. You are getting really spazzed out and the way you look when you say his na-"

Olivia chuckled nervously. "Shawn, you are mistaking irritation for something else. He is my boss when it's all said and done and he didn't...It's okay, Shawn. I'm not irritated anymore. I will rework my schedule to come to the parsonage to help you as much as I can," Olivia said.

"Livs, don't mind me. Forget I asked. Sometimes you two look so down in the dumps. I just want you to be happy. I love you and Fitz. I have made a decision. I don't do the church thing, but I do believe in God now more than ever. I mean I know God sent not one but two pastors to save my baby even if he hasn't let much good happen in my life. I want Lincoln to be baptized, committed, or whatever your church does for babies to give them to God or whatever. And I want you and Fitz to be the godparents," Shawn announced.

Since she wore her heart on her sleeve most days anyway, it was no surprise that Olivia's eyes began brimming with tears.

"Shawnessy, we would be honored to be Lincoln's godparents," Olivia said, getting up to hug her with the baby still in her arms.

"Livs, don't cry. I don't know how I am going to get up the courage to step foot in a church."

"Let's start small. Why don't you come with me to CYS tonight? The young adults challenged the ministerial staff to a skate off."

"What's CYS?"

"It's the Christian Youth Society. This is the way we provide special activities for the young people in our church. Come tonight. I'll introduce you as my cousin. How about that?"

"I guess, Livs."

"Great! Lincoln will love it, won't you my little man?" Olivia said.

* * *

As soon as Olivia walked into the skating rink escorting Shawn and Lincoln in his convertible stroller and carseat her gaze collided with Fitz's. He was standing beside the DJ's booth. The lights were dim, but it was obvious that things had not gotten underway. For a split second, he looked at her with a glance absent the indifference she had become accustomed to, but then it was back. His eyes widened in joyful surprise when he saw Shawn and Lincoln. He handed the microphone he was holding to Rev. Blake and walked over to them. Olivia took that opportunity to scan the room for Mellie. "Reverend Pope, how _are _you?" Fitz greeted Olivia. She didn't bother answering because she knew he wasn't going to wait for the true answer.

"Shawn, I'm happy to see you," he said with a hug. "Are you sure it's okay to bring Lincoln out. He's not even a month old."

Shawn smiled, never tiring of his concern about her and the baby. She was beginning to imagine how it felt to have a father. "Lincoln will be fine. I knew he wouldn't want to miss seeing you and Livs skating."

"Dr. Grant, Shawn tells me that the church board has approved Shawn to move into the parsonage. Why wasn't I made aware of this?" Olivia said.

"Would you mind if we talked about this later, Reverend Pope?" Fitz said, peering into the baby carrier at Lincoln's sleeping form.

"That would be fine Dr. Grant, but it is quite difficult to get hold of you to talk to me alone about anything."

"Set up something through Marjorie," he said, "Well I think we are ready to get this skate off started. All the youth who are participating are here."

"Let me know if you need me, Shawn," said Olivia, "I am going to rent skates."

As soon as Olivia spoke the next voice she heard grated her nerves.

"Honey, I have our skates," said Mellie, lifting what looked like a bowing ball bag. "Karen and Gerry forgot theirs at home even though I repeatedly told them to put their bag in the car. Oh high, Olivia. Isn't this fun? You won't have to worry about losing. Fitz and I are skating champs. Isn't that right honey?"

"Yep," replied Fitz.

"Hello, Mrs. Grant, excuse me," Olivia said before leaving to get her skates.

"Harrison, hi," said Olivia when she met him at the shoe rental area.

"Hey, Olivia. I'm ready to bring these young folks to their knees."

Olivia smiled. "Harrison, was there a meeting today to discuss the parsonage?"

"Yes. It began as an impromptu meeting with the ministers who happened to be in their offices at the time. It is admirable what both of you are doing. He found her in that park half dead. You have let her stay with you for all these weeks. Of course we would approve her staying at the parsonage," Harrison said. "Its a blessing he was at the park at that time."

_So he told them he was alone when he found her. _Olivia understood why Fitz distorted the truth about that night, but it angered her.

* * *

Two hours later the gospel music was still pumping as only Fitz, Mellie, and a few youth leaders remained on the part of the floor cordoned off for the skate off. The other part of the floor was open for other skaters.

Olivia plopped down at the table beside Shawn who was singing along with the music.

_Lord I'm running trying to make 100 because 99 and a half won't due! _

"Shawn, how do you know that song. I thought you never went to church," said Olivia.

"I love this song. Fitz and his wife are great skaters. I think they're going to outlast the youth leaders," Shawn said.

Olivia was loathed to look at Mellie and Fitz who were zipping around the floor like they were a figure skating couple. Olivia couldn't bring herself to look at them and their playful happiness. Now she was reeling because of what Harrison had revealed. _He's trying to pretend like I wasn't there with him._

"Shawn, I think we should go. Two hours is enough for Lincoln," Olivia said.

"Okay. I enjoyed it. Everyone seemed nice tonight."

* * *

"You can't pretend like I wasn't there, Fitz!" Olivia said.

It was the morning after the skate off. The youth leaders of CYS had been declared the victors.

She had finally decided to call him.

"Olivia, Tell people I found her by myself is for your own good. This protects your identity so that people won't begin asking questions about why were at the park alone together," Fitz said.

"I don't need my identity protected by you, Fitz. I can take care of myself," she said.

"Believe me, I know you don't need me for anything. This is the best way to-"

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"Olivia, I have to go. I have work to do and a deadline to meet," he said.

"But I'm not finished talking to you. Why didn't you wait until I was in the office to have this meeting about Shawn staying at the parsonage? Why wasn't I-"

"Goodbye Olivia. I have to get back to this project," he said before disconnecting the phone.

"You didn't just hang up on me! Fitz! Fitz!" she said into the phone. "He just hung up on me."

Olivia began to pace the floor.

"Livs what's wrong?" Shawn asked. "Was that Fitz?"

Olivia couldn't lie especially since she'd just practically shouted his name.

"Yes," Olivia admitted.

"He must be at the parsonage then. He's supposed to be painting the bedrooms," Shawn said.

"So...he's at the parsonage today?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Shawn said, smiling when Olivia left the room.

* * *

"Fitz open the door! I know you are in there," Olivia demanded, banging on the parsonage door.

The heavy wooden door swung open. "What is wrong with you? Keep your voice down! How did you know I was here?"

She pushed past him and into the parsonage. He shut the door and turned to face her. It pained him to see her, but he resolved to get her out of there as soon as he could.

"Shawn said you were doing some work here today. We have to deal with this. You can't ignore my presence as a board member. You are such a hypocrite the way you pretend I'm your trusted colleague in front of everyone at church, but then you shun me outside of that. Then you fawn all over Mellie like...like..." Olivia accused.

"Like she's my wife? You need to leave, Olivia. There is nothing to be discussed, really. This is a good solution for Shawn and Lincoln. I didn't think you would object."

"That's right, you didn't think. If you had been thinking, you would have consulted me first. They are doing fine with me," she said to face him. He had closed the door and was still standing there.

"I don't think so. Shawn came to me about helping her get a job. She said that being at your house was causing trouble between you and your husband...that he wasn't comfortable with them so I-"

"Edison is rarely there. I think you are purposely trying to hurt me...get back at me for-"

He crossed his arms across his chest. "Don't...please don't make me out to be the villain here. Shawn is happy about the move and you should be too."

She crossed her arms too. "Don't tell me what I should be happy about! Stop pretending this is about helping Shawn. You are using her as a pawn to hurt me. I wouldn't do what you wanted so you have been working so hard to ignore me at church and undermine my relationship to Shawn and Lincoln."

"The world does not revolve around you, Olivia. Every decision I make or the way I act can't be interpreted as some slight to you. I have a church to run and a life to live. You have your own life with your husband and your work at the church. "

"Stop that! Why are you being like this after what you said to me. You said you loved me. I'm not going anywhere until we deal with that," she said.

Olivia walked around him and into the parsonage. She looked around the room and saw where he'd been covering the edge of the walls with blue tape in preparation for painting.

"Olivia, it is not a good idea for you to be here. Please leave."

Olivia ignored him. She placed her purse on the sofa and removed her jacket.

Olivia's back was to him, but she heard his deep sigh.

"Why isn't it a good idea for me to be here, Fitz?" Olivia asked walking up to face him.

He didn't answer her question, but simply stared at her.

Olivia grasped his right hand and intwined her fingers with his. "Fitzgerald Thomas Grant, I love you and I want to make love to you," she confessed.

His expression remained stony. "You don't really believe that Livy," he said. "You're only here now because you have some innate need to be chased."

Olivia grinned, pleased that he'd used that nickname.

Olivia grasped his other hand entwining it with her left one. The fact that he didn't move away encouraged her.

"I am here because I have an innate need to love you and be loved by you. I know I have pushed you away and I'm sorry. This is a big step for me," Olivia said.

He shook his head and stepped back. "I can't go back. My feelings haven't changed. I love you, but I can't keep going back and forth especially now that I have established a way to move on...to stay in a marriage to someone I am not in love with...this work I am doing at the church and also knowing that something good did come out of what we had. Shawn and Lincoln...I couldn't resist wanting you and that led me to them so...I can't let myself be hurt by you again. For some reason, you seem to think it's okay to discount my feelings as if yours are the only valid ones. I know this is difficult and impossible for both of us, but that doesn't give you the right to...Olivia, please don't cry."

Her eyes filled with tears and they were flowing freely even though her face was expressionless. "I'm sorry," she said and looked at her hands. She couldn't face him. The weight of his words and her actions depressed her spirit. He spoke with raw emotion and she knew he was right. "I-I-I'm sorry for...hurting you...for being so...mean to you." She looked at him now accepting all the self-deprecating emotions swirling around in her. She gained strength from a deep since of remorse. "You d-d-didn't deserve any of that. You only deserve someone who...who...loves you enough to be...kind and loving. I don't know what's wrong with me. I love you, but I don't know how to show it. I hate that I let this happen...and I am taking it out on..." Her voice broke and she sobbed openly. "I...don't...don't know...w-w-what to do."

He lost his steely resolve to keep his distance. He moved back to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He lifted her up until her feet dangled above the floor and she was eye level with him. When their lips merged, it was like coming home. The kiss was salty and sweet, mixed with her tears. She gave herself over to the moment. After awhile, she felt herself being lowered onto a bed. She savored the deep forays of his tongue and made some forays of her own. They held each other tight as if they feared they would fly away.

She sat up and pushed against his chest signaling that she wanted to get up. He moved back.

"Lay on your back," she said. He dutifully complied and she sat down beside him on the bed in the sparsely furnished room. She had planned to dispense with his clothes but with him there looking at her every move, she had to kiss him again. She straddled his waist and pulled at his sweatshirt. He lifted up and helped by pulling the sweatshirt over his head. She took it from his hands and tossed it to the floor.

Olivia slowly unbuttoned her blouse with one hand while running her other hand over his muscular chest. He took over the unbuttoning allowing her the opportunity to explore his chest and comb through his chest hair with her fingers. He unsnapped her bra and pulled off both scraps of material at the same time. When he saw her breasts, he sat up against the headboard intent on taking his time with them. He licked the underside of each one until his tongue reached her nipple, his mouth closing over it, sucking slowly. Olivia moaned at the sensations, but she wasn't satisfied because she wanted all of him at once.

"Fitz?"

"Mmm?" he said between sucks.

Olivia didn't answer. She pulled at his waistband. He moved her hands away and quickly removed his pants and briefs. She followed suit until they were both completely naked.

She pushed him back on the bed wanting to be on top. When she saw his manhood filled to capacity with desire for her, she wanted to feel him in her mouth. She'd never done that before, had a man in her mouth, but now that's what she wanted. She knelt between his legs and began rubbing him from tip to hilt with one hand while softly caressing the twin orbs at its base. His expression was serene and relaxed as he moved his head from side to side. She knew he liked it which emboldened her to continue. She swiveled her tongue around his tip and took as much of his warm hardness into her mouth.

"Livy" he moaned, lifting his hips. Olivia felt a faint stinging sensation between her legs. She knew the only solution to her emptiness was in her mouth right now. She stretched her hands up and grabbed hold of either side of his chest as her head rose and fell. When she tasted saltiness she knew he was close to coming and she wanted him to come inside her their first time. She lifted herself over him sliding down the length of him slowly. He raised up on his elbows and grabbed her derriere to her hold still against his strokes. She pulled his hands away and stretched them above his head as she rode up and down his long hard length. After a couple of strokes he gripped her buttocks and held her still before he exploded inside of her.

Later Olivia awoke to the sensations of insistent fingers moving between her legs. Two fingers reached inside and rubbed against her. She looked into his eyes as he looked down at her with is head casually propped on his hand. He smiled down at her, but she couldn't smile back. The only thing she could do was reach for the nearest thing to keep her tethered to the bed while his fingers caused her to come undone. She moaned and whimpered with pleasure.

After more time passed, she awakened on her stomach. She opened her eyes and snuggled deeper into the pillow. She turned her head and faced him. He kissed the tip of her nose and she kissed his. She turned back the other way. Totally content and desiring uninterrupted sleep. When she felt Fitz move over her back, she opened her legs and lifted her hips. He slid inside her and she knew that sleep could wait.

* * *

Mellie needed to talk to Fitz. She'd overheard someone at church describing how her husband had discovered a badly beaten pregnant woman at Lullwater Park. Apparently the woman was living with Olivia and was now going to be moving into the parsonage. Something about this didn't sit well with Mellie. She thought it admirable that Fitz helped the young woman. The fact that Olivia Pope was part of it somehow cast suspicion on the entire situation. She need to talk to him about it so she drove to the parsonage, unable to wait until he came home.

She stood at the parsonage door and knocked.


	8. Sin Boldly

**Chapter 8**

_**Sin Boldly**_

* * *

_Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong (sin boldly), but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. -Martin Luther_

* * *

After the fourth series of knocks, Mellie's frustration level rose several notches.

"Where _is_ he?" she wondered aloud. She glanced back at the two cars-one belonged to Fitz and the other one was unidentified-in the driveway. She looked around at the houses all around her. _If only I knew someone in this neighborhood who could identify this car._

Mellie walked to the unidentified car and peered inside, trying to find a clue about Fitz's whereabouts or to determine the owner. There were beads hanging from the rearview mirror that held the picture of a baby. On the back seat, Mellie spotted a binder emblazoned with the crest of Marymount Theological Seminary. A notepad resting next to it caught her attention. There was writing on it, what looked like a To Do List: gas, pharmacy, grocery store. The name, "Reverend Olivia Pope" was engraved across the top in elegant script.

Mellie let the weight of what she knew was happening sink into her spirit.

_He is in there with her._

Anger mixed with grief assailed her all at once.

_But what if they are just talking? Why won't they answer the door?_

Mellie was crushed because she thought they were settling back into their life. He didn't approach her again about having the talk about their marriage. They were a team again. Deep down she knew he wasn't entirely happy, but he had come back to his senses. They were sleeping in the same bed again.

Part of her wanted to walk around to every window until she found them and concrete evidence. The other part of her wanted to go home and cry. She chose the latter for now, but not before she used her key to scratch jagged lines into the hood of Olivia's car.

* * *

"Fi-Fitz," Olivia said. She lay on her back, her legs resting over his shoulders. Their hands were entwined. Despite the deft swirls of his tongue deep between the soft folds of the flesh between her legs, Olivia heard a faint knocking sound in the distance.

Fitz did not respond.

"You..you hear that?" Olivia asked.

He lifted himself over her until he was poised just outside her opening. He looked into her eyes. Olivia smelled herself on his lips which made her forget about the knocking.

He slid into her. "You feel that?" he said. He moved in and out of her slowly.

She nodded her head and then closed her eyes. She lifted her hips to speed up the movement, but he held her hips still and continued his slow deliberate strokes.

"Go…fast-er…" she said.

He smiled at down at her and sped up

She smiled back at him. "Faster, Fitz."

He obeyed. After a while, their groans mixed with the sound of the wooden headboard slamming against the wall.

The old bed couldn't take it. There was the sound of a crack. The frame broke and the bed fell to the floor. Fitz fell on top her.

"Livy, are you okay?"

Laughter began to rumble in Olivia's chest. She started to giggle. He soon joined her laughing.

"Fitz, we broke what was supposed to be Shawn's bed!"

"I know baby. Are you okay?"

"No, because…"

Alarm shadowed his expression.

She moved her hips against his. "…we didn't finish. I want to be on top."

He gave her a wicked grin and flipped over on his back.

* * *

Fitz woke to what sounded like weeping.

"Livy, what's wrong?" he asked, worriedly.

"Nothing," she whispered into the pillow.

He turned her over onto her back and looked down at her.

"Why are you crying?" he said. He searched her face for some indication.

"I…I was here listening to you breathe…and I…for a moment…I forgot about all the reasons we shouldn't be here. Then I remembered…we're going to get up, put on our clothes, and go back to our lives. I...I know I can't do that, Fitz. I don't want to spend a night without you beside me but I have no right to have you." She turned away from him to release fresh tears, but he pulled her back.

"Don't cry," he pleaded, kissing away her tears.

"Let's talk." They sat up and turned face to face, crossed-legged, knee to knee in the middle of the bed.

"I love you, Olivia…and I want to be with you. How do you feel?"

She grabbed his hands. "I love you too, Fitz, and I want to be with you too, but-"

"There are no buts," he said, kissing her fingers.

She shook her head. "How can there not be buts? We are both married. We work together in positions where we are expected to exercise integrity and fidelity. How can you be so sure, Fitz?

He sighed. "I'm only sure about a few things…that I am in love with you…that I want to be with you…"

"I'm sure of those things too," she said. When he looked skeptical, she said, "I'm sure _now_ despite my past behavior, but it's not simply a matter of what we want or how we feel. Others are involved…what we do affects others."

Fitz looked beyond her when he spoke as if he had thought about this. "Of course…Being with you means dissolving my marriage and the home my children are used to. It means possibly losing my job…having people lose trust in me…having them call into question every sermon I've preached and every word I've said…having them lump me into the category of those in power who fell from grace…a liar…a cheater…"

Olivia cupped his face. "You are none of those things, Fitz. You are a godly man…real and true. As much as I want to be with you, I don't want to be responsible for breaking up your marriage. What if you make the wrong decision by being with me? You and Mellie have appeared to be closer lately."

"Livy, I have wondered what would have happened if I had ignored our attraction at the start, never brought it up to you, ignored your evasion until you thought I didn't hold the same feelings. I've asked myself if that would have been better. But that's an exercise in futility because I acted in the best, most authentic way I knew how. They only way I could do anything different would be to go back in time…and I wouldn't change a thing…so I am making a choice and I know everything else will line up according to that decision and God's will. Think about Shawn and Lincoln...how...and why we found them…"

They shared a grateful smile.

"…and what you saw between Mellie and me was…well…sort of pathetic on my part because as much as I told myself I was moving on, that was all for you…when I knew you were looking I held her hand a little tighter, laughed a little louder, and smiled a little brighter…"

She pursed her lips at him. "So the pastor was acting on my account?"

"Unfortunately, I was the happiest with my wife when I thought you were looking…"

She frowned at him. "Wow…" she said.

"Wow, that I was trying to make you jealous?" he said.

She reached up and traced his pectoral muscle with the tip of her finger. "No. Wow, at how much that turns me on…I mean we are trying to have a serious conversation and all I want you to do is get it from behind."

She screamed out in surprise at how fast he had flipped her over. "Definitely will need to buy a new bed for this room," she said as she rose up on her knees.

* * *

"Fitz. Fitz. We need to wake up. It's been four hours. I need to check on Shawn and Lincoln." Olivia nudged his shoulder and set up in the bed.

"They're fine," he said. "She knew we were going to be here for awhile."

"Wait, what do you mean? She knows about us?"

He sat up, pulled her back against his chest, and wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't know for sure, but I suspect she does. She asked me if she could paint the parsonage after she moved in. I offered to paint it for her. Then she said you would probably want to help and that she would ask you. I told her not to…that I could handle it. Then she said, 'With God, all things are possible right? I mean look at Lincoln and me.' At the time, I didn't understand what she meant...it seemed out of context, but I do now."

"We have to find out who hurt her, Fitz. Whoever did that needs to pay," Olivia said.

"Yes, we do and we will." His arms tightened around her.

She felt his hard length against her back which made her feel empty, needing to be be filled. Tilting forward, she reached back and grasped him with one hand to guide him inside her. She sat back until she sheathed him completely, stretching her to capacity. They didn't move at first as their bodies adjusted to each others. She ground into him, but it wasn't enough so she bent forward and rode him. His only view was her derriere rising and falling, sheathing and unsheathing him. The sight made him breathless. He reached out, but his hips lifted off the bed as he came powerfully inside her.

* * *

They dressed quietly, each observing the other and exchanging occasional grins.

"I have no right to say this but I don't want you to have Edison's baby," Fitz announced.

She stopped dressing and a shiver went up her spine at the surprise of his comment.

"Where did that come from?"

"I see you with Lincoln and you look so happy. I suspect it has to be something you and Edison-"

"I was pregnant a couple of years ago, but I lost the baby. Edison wants us to try again, but I don't want to. I haven't told him that, and…also…I haven't stopped taking birth control. He thinks we are trying. That must make me sound deceitful and cold-"

He pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Livy."

He held her for a long time.

When Olivia left the parsonage, she immediately began to miss him. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't see the jagged lines on her hood formed into the word, "Whore."

* * *

"Where's my Little Man?" Olivia said into the phone. She pulled behind the line of cars at the drive through window of the pharmacy.

"I just put him down for a nap even though I know he'll be up longer tonight. I have some...things...I gotta do," said Shawn. "But he is rested and happy, probably like you are right now."

Olivia grinned. "I don't know what you mean Shawn?"

"You've been with Fitz at the parsonage for over 4 hours. I bet none of the bedrooms are painted." Shawn chuckled into the phone. "I love you and Fitz, my two kissing saints."

Olivia was partly happy and partly uneasy about Shawn knowing about them. "Shawn...We are not saints at-"

"You and Fitz are the closest things to saints I've ever met. I won't be your judge. I can't be your judge. It's nothing compared with what I-" When Shawn abruptly stopped speaking, the silence was loud between them.

"Shawn, If there is anything you ever want to tell me... honey, please know that I will never judge you. I want to help you-"

"Livs, I have to go." Shawn said.

"I'll be home soon after I make one more stop. Is Edison home yet?"

"He's not here now. Someone was here earlier...a woman. He left with her. I didn't see who it was because I was changing Lincoln. By the time I got him changed, they had left."

Olivia wondered who that could have been.

"Kiss Lincoln for me. I'll be home soon."

As soon at Olivia hung up, her phone rang. She smiled at the phone when she saw it was Fitz.

"Hi, Fitz."

"Hi, Livy."

"It's so good to hear your voice. I didn't want to leave you today," Olivia said.

"I didn't want you to leave me. Where are you now?"

"I am in line to drop off my prescription at the pharmacy. Then I need to get some gas before going home. I was supposed to go to the grocery store, but I don't feel like it now."

"I miss you, Livy."

"I started missing you as soon as I pulled the door shut." A car honked behind her. She hadn't been paying attention to the line. The car ahead of her pulled away, leaving a space. She pulled up one car length to close the gap.

"Fitz, what are we going to do about painting the parsonage? I'll help this time."

"I will hire someone to paint it. It will be much more efficient." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"That sounds like a good idea. Hold on Fitz, I am at the window."

She placed the phone on the seat and spoke to the pharmacist.

"Fitz, we never got around to talking about us...what we want...how we should move forward," Olivia said when she returned to the phone.

"We established what we wanted, right?...Each other-"

"I know, but I mean specifically. I don't want this to be an affair with us sneaking around. I don't want this to be about sex, Fitz."

"Baby, I understand what you mean. This is not about sex, Livy. How do you feel about telling them tonight? The question is...are we prepared for the consequences, whatever they may be or do we want to take time to-"

"No, I'm prepared. I will tell Edison that I want a divorce."

"I'll tell Mellie the same, tonight."

They were silent for the couple of miles it took Olivia to reach the gas station.

"I'm worried, Fitz, but I like what you said about things lining up according our decisions and God's will. I'm ready to take this leap with you."

"I'm ready too. I wish I could hug you right now," he said.

"Me too."

"I'm worried about Shawn, Livy," Fitz said after a while. "She seems-"

"Ma'am, how can I help you?" said the service attendant who greeted Olivia.

"Hold on, Fitz." Olivia smiled back at the attendant and let her window down. "I'd like a fill up of regular, please." The attendant nodded.

"Fitz, you were saying about Shawn?" Olivia asked.

"She seems to be preoccupied with something-" he said.

"Ma'am, do you want a quote for the damage to your hood? Mike's Auto Body does a great job? He'll get that fixed right up for you. Did you just buy this car used or something?" the attendant said.

"What damage?" Olivia asked with a frown. "I don't have any damage on my car."

"Livy? What's wrong?" Fitz asked, picking up on her worried tone through the phone.

Olivia exited the car. The attendant seemed eager to show her the damage as he led her around her Volvo. "The attendant says I have damage on my hood."

She saw the jagged lines formed into the word, "Whore." She gasped.

"Livy, honey? What's wrong?"

Her mind raced as she tried to figure out who would do this.

"What did you say?" Fitz said.

She mentally retraced her steps to when she knew for sure the hood had no damage. When she arrived at the parsonage earlier today, she remembered that it had no damage.

"Like I said, Ma'am, Mike can fix you right up. It wouldn't take a full day depending on how many are in front of you."

"Livy!" Fitz said.

"The guy is trying to give me a quote for the damage," Olivia said.

"Where are you? I'm coming," he added.

"You don't have to come. I can handle this," Olivia said.

"Where are you?" he repeated.

Olivia gave him the address and disconnected the line.

"What do you say, Ma'am?" the attendant asked.

"Please just give me a half tank. My...um...friend is coming. I'll decide what to do about the damage then."

* * *

"Fitz, I can't take your car!" Olivia said forcefully, pushing his keys to him.

"You can and you will. I rarely drive this mustang. This had to be Mellie. Since you are sure there was no damage when you got to the parsonage, it must have happened there. This can't be random graffiti. She must have come to the parsonage looking for me. It has to be her even though I didn't think she would do something like this. I will take care of this damage. I have a friend not associated with the church who can do this for me," Fitz said. They were standing between their two cars parked beside the back of the parking lot. She could see the determination in his eyes, and she didn't feel like arguing.

"I've never driven this car to the church so you will be fine," he said, moving closer to her and lifting her chin so he could see her eyes.

"But how will I explain this to Edison?" His face was only inches away from hers. He looked at her lips and rubbed his thumb across the bottom one. Her lips parted involuntarily allowing her tongue to be released. She licked his thumb and pulled its tip into her mouth. Fitz lowered his lips to hers and they kissed.

Olivia pulled back first. "We can't do this here."

He nodded and stepped back. "I know."

"Thanks for letting me use your car. After I talk to Edison, it will be the least of my worries. But I'm afraid for you if Mellie knows. You don't think she...saw us?"

"I think she saw the car and made a conclusion after seeing your notepad...Let me get your belongings." He walked to her car, cleaned out the back seat, and placed it all in the back seat of the mustang. She watched him move between the cars. He winked at her and she winked back.

"Okay, it is all switched over. Don't think about Mellie and me. She is going to be hurt and angry with me...and she should be. I'll be fine." He grabbed her hand and nudged her forward. She moved closer and took his other hand.

"Well, I should go. I don't want to, but Edison will be home soon and I need to clear my head to prepare for that talk. And about Shawn...we need to talk to her...together. I agree that something is bothering her. I'll call you later." Olivia moved away from him. She released the automatic lock and eased into the driver's side of his car. She looked around at the controls and adjusted the seat and mirrors.

He leaned down at the window. "When can I see you again?" he asked.

"At work tomorrow..." she said. She drew the seatbelt across her lap until it clicked in place. "Let's plan to talk tonight no matter what happens."

"Okay," he said. He reached for her and they kissed one last time.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, he said.


	9. Things Fall Apart

**Chapter 9**

**Things Fall Apart**

* * *

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.- 1 Corinthians 13:12

* * *

Olivia's emotions were mixed as she drove the short way home. On the one hand she experienced a sense of internal peace and calm because she had finally embraced her feelings for Fitz. Acting on them was akin to closing a circle or finding a missing piece to a puzzle. On the other hand, she was afraid, afraid of Edison's reaction to her news, afraid of how she would react to his reaction, afraid of what was to come. She felt for her cell phone and called Felecia.

"Hey, O! You're not going to believe this, but Johnathan just asked me about you. That's when I realized we hadn't spoken since I visited you a couple of weeks ago. How are you?" Felecia said.

Olivia sighed. She turned into her subdivision, wishing she could delay the conversation so she could process it with her friend first. She threw up her hand at the Hilliard's, an elderly couple walking their two Yorkshire terriers. She smiled, momentarily forgetting about her problems, because they each held a dog in their arms. "Felecia…as we speak, I am heading home to tell Edison…I want a divorce. Fitz and I-"

"You are what? What happened?"

"Fitz and I…we slept to…were together together today. I love him, Felecia. He is going to tell his wife the same. I'm happy, but…Lord, I'm extremely scared…"

Felecia didn't immediately respond. "Felecia?"

"I'm here. This is big, O. You were…_together _today and made the decision to tell both your spouses _today_?"

"Are you saying we should wait?"

"I'm just trying to get the context. I'm not saying anything."

Olivia frowned. "Yes, today. Since you were here, Fitz and I haven't really spoken. He kept his word and stayed away from me. These last weeks…I've been miserable-he was trying to make me jealous-we had a confrontation today and I finally admitted what I felt for him and let …it happen."

"I know what I said before, O, I want to make sure you're not acting on impulse only to change your mind later. Maybe you should give it 24 hours before you tell Edison…give yourself some time to think about your plan for…after you tell him."

"Do you mean... my plan for…for what? Honestly I haven't thought...I mean it was all I could do to get to this point, Felecia."

"Damn…I wish I had more time to talk to you about this, O. We are heading out to church soon…Last month I agreed to preach at the church for the first night of Ingathering. I keep telling Johnathan I am not a preacher, but he keeps asking me-"

"I wish I could hear you. You were always better at preaching than me in seminary, Felecia. What a is your title and text?"

"The title is, 'Jesus be a Fence When Things Fall Apart' and the text is Job chapter 1, but O that's irrele-"

"I need to hear that sermon, maybe I should-"

"No, O…I don't want you to be impulsive…I wish we had more time to talk…but we don't so let's pray. Are you driving?"

"I just pulled into the garage."

"Okay….Gracious God, my sister Olivia needs your guidance, Lord. We know that nothing, Lord, can separate us from your love or from you. You see all and know all so you know that she has given herself to another even in the midst of her covenant and promise in marriage. She is at a crossroads. Please lead and guide her. Give her discernment as she shares this painful news with Edison. Be with Edison in the hearing of this. Be with Fitz and his wife. Lord we don't know the future, but we know you hold it in your hand. In the difficult times ahead, please cover Olivia with your Spirit. I lift up Shawn and Lincoln too, Lord, only you know what they stand in need of. In Jesus name we pray, Amen."

"Thank you, Felecia. I love you, girl. Thanks for remembering Shawn and Lincoln. She is definitely going through something."

"I love you, O. Keep you head up, girl. Let's plan to talk tonight if possible."

"Okay, I'll call you."

After Olivia hung up, she took a deep breath-the car smelled like Fitz-and walked into the door to the kitchen. Edison was home. His car was on his side in the garage.

The house was quiet except for the sound of coffee brewing.

"Edison? Shawn?"

"I'm in here," said Edison. He was sitting in the dark of the family room.

"Why are you in the dark?" Oliva said, placing her purse on the table beside the lamp. She turned it on. Edison stood. His face told it all. He knew.

"Would you like a cup, Liv. I can put on water if you prefer tea." Edison walked around her and into the kitchen. She followed behind him.

"No." She stood by the counter watching him go through the routine of pouring his coffee. She knew in her gut that he knew something or had a suspicion. _How do I begin this?_

Edison sat at the table. Olivia joined him. He sipped the coffee, the steam wafting up to meet him.

"Why?" he said.

All the anticipation of this moment released and tears gathered in her eyes. "So…you know?"

"Yes, I know and I want to know why you would cheat on me." Edison placed his coffee mug on the table and reached for her hand. "I know I am not here for you like I should be, but you've never _said _anything. Why?"

Olivia's tears were flowing freely. She used her free hand to wipe them away. "I don't know, I-"

"You just gave up on us and-"

"Edison, I'm sorry, but honestly we _both _have been going through the motions for the last couple of years-"

Edison snatched his hand away from hers. "So this is my fault then-"

"No! It's on both of us for not working-"

"You never forgave me for going back to work when you lost the baby. You've been punishing me for it ever since…with your coldness, Liv. I saw what you have hiding in that big tampon box. And I know you fake your orgasms, too! Why did you even marry me? Did you ever really love me?"

"I'm sorry-"

"Well, did you?" He was standing now.

"Edison, lower your voice…we should go in the bedroom. Shawn-"

"Oh I don't want to hear about Shawn or that baby! They are not here. You pay more attention to them than to our marriage. What were you doing when you found her, Liv? You were with your boss weren't you?"

Olivia rushed to their room and it was empty. She didn't see Shawn's purse, Lincoln's baby bag, or the stroller. "Where are they, Edison? I spoke to her less than an hour ago!"

"She's moving to the parsonage so I gave her money to get a room for a few days. We need to focus on our marriage, Liv. We can't do this with all these distractions," Edison said, standing behind her in the door.

Olivia's guilt and fear fell way, replaced by anger. She spun around. "She got a cab?"

"No, she left here walking."

"How could you do that to her Edison? She is still healing from almost being beaten to death. Lincoln is barely a month old. You _throw_ them out! If anything happens to either of them, I'll never forgive you, Edison. I hate you right now!"

When Olivia tried to walk past him, he blocked her path. "Where are you going?"

She looked up at him with disgust in her eyes. "Let me pass." He didn't move so she attempted to move around him.

He grabbed her arms and shoved her back. "You aren't going anywhere until we talk about this."

Olivia fell on the bed. "I'm not talking to you like this."

The doorbell rang. "Right on time," he said, and turned to the door.

Olivia took the opportunity to get her purse. She rushed behind and then past him into the kitchen, grabbed her purse, and fled to Shawn's room, the only one with a lock to which Edison did not have the key. She reached for her phone, but hesitated about whom to call for help. Felecia was busy. She didn't want to interrupt Fitz who was likely having a similar conversation. She couldn't call anyone else. She dialed Shawn's cell phone, the one Fitz bought her.

The phone went to voicemail. She dialed again and left a message.

"Shawn, It's me, Olivia. Please call me as soon as you get this message. I'll come and get you. I need to know that you and Lincoln are okay. Whatever Edison said…it doesn't matter. Call me."

Olivia heard muffled voices. And then there was a knock on the door. "Olivia, baby, It's me, you mother. Your dad is here to. Will you let me in?"

Olivia's mind rushed through the reasons her parents were here. She knew they weren't just visiting. She could only surmise that Edison had called them as a sort of back up.

"Mom?" Olivia said, slowly releasing the lock and partially opening the door.

"Yes, honey, it's me." Her mother, Maya, was dressed in a suit, perfectly tailored to her size. Her hair was salon quality coiffed to look as if it naturally fell in layers, feathers, or whatever style she wanted. Maya projected a natural softness, but Olivia knew that it was a fabrication. Her father, Rowan, was the perfect complement to her mother. He projected what seemed to be a natural strength tempered with caring. That was a fabrication as well. Her parents would forever be manipulative and controlling when they should have been nurturing and kind. She felt she would never forgive them for pressuring her to marry Edison. She knew she would never forgive herself for letting them.

"Did Edison call-" Olivia asked tentatively.

"Olivia, please open this door. Don't make your mother talk to you through a crack in the door."

Olivia craned her neck to see behind her mother. "It's just us for now Olivia. Edison and your father are in the kitchen."

"Dad is here too?" As soon as she asked she knew he had to be there. They did everything together, but especially gang up on her.

"Yes, please let me in, honey."

Olivia could tell her mother was getting impatient. She opened the door wider and let her mother inside.

Maya looked around the room. "Is this where that woman and her baby was staying?"

Olivia frowned. "How did you…? Mom, I don't know what Edison has told you, but he has stepped way out of line."

Maya crossed her arms and looked down at her. "Olivia, Edison is your husband and you have hurt him deeply. We didn't raise you like this…cheating on your husband…and with your senior pastor? Your father and I knew you should have stayed in the SDA church. But you fell under the spell of that Reverend Blake-"

"And you both thought marrying Edison would keep me in that church. Don't you know that Edison rarely attends to church?"

"He is away on his job, Olivia, supporting you. God surely understands. He can keep the Sabbath in his heart. But you Olivia…you are the wife. It's through your love that you keep him close to Christ-"

Olivia felt nauseated at her mother's words. "Mom, I don't want to hear this-"

"You and Edison will get through this. He's going to be working in town now and you all can start working on a family-"

Olivia rose to her feet. "This has to stop. Mom, come with me." She left the room without waiting to see if her mother followed. When she entered the kitchen, Edison and her father were sitting at the table engrossed in a discussion, she knew, about them.

"Olivia, baby…" her dad said, rising from the table to give her a hug.

Olivia allowed herself to be hugged and then she pulled back. "Mom, Dad, Edison, I have to say this to…all three of you. I would have rather discussed this with Edison, alone, but since this is where it began…this is where it will end."

"Yes, I am having an affair…it's not something I'm proud of because I believe in the sanctity and fidelity of marriage. Edison, I want a divorce because-"

"Liv, you don't mean that. We-"

"No, Edison. I get to speak now. You wanted me to answer you questions so I will. What I feel for you is a form of love. I want the best for you, and being married to me is not the best for you, it's certainly not for me. I married you out a sense of obligation, but I don't regret it because…that would do me no good. Perhaps we could have made it work…grown to love each other, but we didn't. You were hardly home and when you were, you rarely saw me or tried to understand my dedication to my job and my faith. Leaving me after the miscarriage didn't help matters between us. I think that I subconsciously shut off a part of myself from you after that, and I'm sorry. But Edison, I could never understand why or how you were able to treat Shawn and Lincoln so horribly when they were here and…then you threw them out…threw them out when they were…helpless!"

"Liv, I…"

"I'm not perfect, but I can't stay married to someone like that."

"Olivia, how can you treat your husband this way? You've hurt him and you are blaming-" said Rowan.

"He's willing to work on-"

"Mom, Dad…you should not have come here today. This is my life and you interfered in the worst way," Olivia said. She walked into Shawn's bedroom for her phone and purse. When she returned to the kitchen, Edison was standing and Maya seemed to be comforting him. All eyes fell on her.

"I can't stay here tonight. I will-"

Edison moved toward her. "Olivia, please, you don't have to leave. We have to talk about-"

She moved around him. "You called my parents, Edison! You wouldn't let me leave earlier! I don't trust you. I'll come back tomorrow so we can sort this out…alone!"

Olivia moved around him and walked to the kitchen door that led to the garage.

"Olivia, don't do this. We can leave," said Rowan.

"Don't abandon your family," said Maya.

"Oli-vi-a," Edison said.

She turned around at the strange sound of his voice just as he grabbed his chest and collapsed on the floor.

"Edison!"

"Oh My God!"

Olivia rushed to his side on the floor. "Edison...Edison…wake up…wake up," Olivia said, patting the sides of his face. She lifted one of his arm which flopped back down. Her parents were hovered over them. "Call 911. He's breathing but not responsive. Oh God, Edison, please wake up!"

* * *

When Fitz arrived home he was surprised to find an empty house. He was sure Mellie would be there waiting for him. Gerry and Karen should be home as well unless they changed their after school plans. Since he had the house to himself, he decided to arrange for Olivia's car repairs. Time went slowly.

Fitz decided to call his mentor, Cyrus Beene.

"Fitzgerald, it is so good to hear from you! To what do I owe this call? I hope everything is going well for you at Grace. How's the family?" said Cyrus.

"Reverend Beene, it's good-"

"Fitzgerald, we've known each other for over fifteen years. You have to call me Cyrus, but I know you won't."

"It just wouldn't feel right, Reverend Beene, but all…or most things are going well."

"Most?"

Fitz sighed. "Most is better than none."

"I guess you're right depending on how big the part that's not going right is," said Cyrus.

"It's pretty big...that part. I want to end my marriage, Reverend Beene."

"I think we've all been there at one time or another..."

"I'm going to tell Mellie tonight."

"Oh, you are serious. Is this something you want to talk about?"

Feeling the rumblings of hunger, Fitz searched the refrigerator for something to eat. He grabbed two slices of day old pepperoni pizza and threw away the cardboard box away. "Not particularly. I'm not being callous Reverend Beene. It's just that my wife and I have grown apart in most every way a husband and wife can. We have not been able to resolve our differences. She wants me to be a politician. I would have supported her pursuit of a career in politics…in anything, but we had the kids and she been trying to convince me to run for office...any office for most of our marriage. Could I have been more encouraging to her? Yes. Did we start to resent each other? Yes. Is there any hope? No, because she won't admit there is a problem and I'm not willing to wait anymore…" Fitz took a bite of cold pizza.

"So it seems you did want to talk about it. Why aren't you willing to wait any more?"

"I love someone else, and I have acted upon that love, Reverend Beene."

"You're sure you acted upon it?"

"Was I being selfish and acting according to my own desires? I don't know. Not always, but I want to be better...less selfish...going forward," said Fitz. He checked the time on his watch.

"Don't make her responsible for the break up of your marriage, Fitzgerald."

Fitz heard the alert that another call was coming in. It was Mellie.

"Reverend Beene, thanks for speaking with me. This is Mellie on the other call coming in."

"Please call me if you need to talk again, Fitzgerald."

"I will. Thank you."

Fitz answered the call. "Mellie, where are you?"

"We are at my sister's house for the night. I know about your affair with Olivia. I was there this morning...at the parsonage. I saw your cars. I haven't told the kids and I don't plan to because I want to give you a chance to end this affair. I have decided to run for City Council…I need you, Fitz. You own me this."

Fitz dropped his plate in the sink a little too forcefully. He was thankful it did not break. "Mellie, please come home so we can discuss this…not a City Council run, but us. You are not making a lot of sense after what you did to Olivia's car. It was immature and unlike you-?"

"How do you know what I'm like? I also went over to Olivia's house and told her husband. He had no idea…was initially mad at me, but I made him connect the dots. No matter what you two have planned, it's not going to result in the dissolving of either of our marriages. I'll be home in the morning. You need a night alone to cool off. Fitz, you fail to realize I love you. That is why I have supported you all these years even when I didn't want to."

"Mellie, if you love me as you say you do, you'd come home and talk-"

"Fitz, I have to go. We are headed out to dinner. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

Olivia sat beside Edison's hospital bed, gripping his hand. During the wait for the paramedics and after their arrival, Olivia had been in mild shock. Tears of relief came after they'd gotten him stabilized in the ambulance. Now he lay resting peacefully, but nothing was resolved. Her parents were finally gone. It was late and Olivia needed to make some return calls for the messages on her voice mail. When she unclasped her hand from his and stood, Edison opened his eyes.

Olivia grabbed his hand again, now standing. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, but there's still pain in my chest. Where are you going?"

"I have to make some calls. I'm staying with you tonight so I need to make arrangements for work tomorrow…"

"Th-Thank you. I know…considering what happened tonight…you didn't have to s-stay with me-"

Olivia broke eye contact. "But I'm still your wife," she said. Looking back at him she said, "Regardless of anything, I want you to be happy and healthy Edison."

She felt him squeeze her hand. "Despite how I acted tonight, I really heard you. While you are still my wife, I want to show you I can change. I'm sorry about not being there for you and for how I treated Shawn and Lincoln. You're right. It took seeing you almost walk out the door to understand. It literally broke my heart so that's why I'm here. I want to heal physically and for us to heal together emotionally."

"Edison, I can't talk about this right now…you should get some…some rest."

"Okay, honey."

Olivia walked out of the room. She didn't stop until she was locked inside of Fitz's car. All she could do was scream. Scream for what Mellie had done to her car. Scream for the confrontation with her parents and Edison. Scream for fear of not knowing where Shawn and Lincoln were or if they were safe. Scream for Edison being in the hospital.

* * *

Shawn was getting tired and her hip was aching. She'd pushed Lincoln's stroller nearly two miles to the bus stop. The bus ride downtown wasn't much better. Her arms hurt from holding Lincoln. The bus driver wouldn't let her keep him in the stroller. Now, the weight of her bag was becoming too oppressive. However, these aches and pains did nothing to quell her deep desire to make a phone call with the tracphone Fitz had bought her. He'd tried to get her a traditional cell phone, but she'd resisted his attempts as well as Olivia's. She didn't want to be traceable at all. Despite this and her success at being anonymous thus far, she wanted to reach out to her old life. Really, she just wanted to reach out to Linwood. After Fitz and Olivia found her beaten and battered, she and Lincoln holding on to life by a thread, she was sure Linwood was responsible for the attack.

It had to be him. He had the means, the motive, and the opportunity. He had hurt her so badly, but she still loved him. Shawn shook her head, trying to clear it. She reached into the stroller and pulled Lincoln into her arms. There was nothing like looking into his almond shaped eyes and kissing his chubby cheeks to set her back on her forward path.

"Those who sail backwards never see the sunrise," Shawn said aloud, remembering a quote her mother used to say. She never understood its meaning until now. "I can't look back. I have to go forward for you, Lincoln."

Lincoln was asleep. His little heart shaped mouth was moving vigorously as it sometimes did as if he was suckling in his sleep. She'd chalked it up to dreaming or him trying to swallow milk that was still resting on his tongue. It always made her smile to see him do that. She nuzzled his neck.

"What would I do without you, my little Linky Link? We are going to call Uncle Fitz to come and get us soon. Then we'll call Auntie Livs to, but we have to give her some space so she can talk to Mr. Edison. Her husband is a meanie, but I will use this money to buy you something nice," Shawn said, snuggling Lincoln's sleeping form. When Edison asked her to leave, she didn't call Olivia or Fitz because she had decided to use this time to call Linwood without fear of them finding out. She couldn't trust her reaction to talking to him. She knew they would be able to pick up on the change in her, the difference talking to him would probably make in her life.

Now that she had decided against contacting Linwood, it was time to go home. She wasn't going to stay in a motel. She called Fitz first but got his voicemail.

"Hey, it's me. Lincoln and I need a ride. Could you pick us up? We are at the City Center on the bench across from that copy and printing store and across the street from those bronze statues of kids playing. It's getting a little cold so I may go inside or call Livs. Call me before you are on your way just in case I get in touch with Livs first."

Shawn hung up, intent on waiting for 15 minutes before calling Olivia. She wrapped Lincoln in another blank just as a black Acura MDX rolled up beside her. Lincoln started to fret so she reached for a bottle.

"Shawna, thank God, I found you," he said.

Her head jerked up at his voice and her name. "Linwood, what are you doing here?"

He stepped out of the car and rushed to her. He stood over her tall and imposing, two qualities she used to find appealing. Now she was scared.

"Is that…our baby? Can I hold him?" he said, lovingly.

Shawn didn't trust his eyes or his voice.

"Linwood, please just leave me alone. I know it w-was you who tried to have me killed. Please leave me alone. I'll never tell your parents. Just leave me…us alone. Please," said Shawn.

He squatted down beside her and pulled her around so they could see eye-to-eye. "Shawna, you know I can't do that. You can come with me willingly or I'll have to call the police and turn you in."

"Please, Linwood…"

He pulled her to stand up with Lincoln still in her arms. He grabbed her bags and stroller.

"You have to release the lever for the car seat," she said. Shawn felt for her phone in her pocket and turned it off. She didn't want him to know she had a cell phone because now it was her only means of escape.

* * *

Olivia hung up the phone. She'd just spoken to Felecia and given her the short version of what had happened. She had promised to call Felecia tomorrow. Now she was desperate to see Fitz. She had called him first, assured him that she was okay before asking him to meet her in the parking lot. Now he was on his way. Her heart beat in anticipation of seeing him even though she'd been with him for most of the day.

Soon, he was knocking on the passenger side window. She released the locks and he was sitting beside him in the car, filling the small space with his presence. They stared at each other for a small moment before Olivia threw her arms around him. She hugged him tightly. He hugged her back.

"Livy…what's going on? Why are you here is it Shawn…or Lincoln?"

Olivia pulled back. "No, but I still down know where they are, Fitz. I'm so worried."

"Really? About an hour ago, I got a voice mail from her. I don't know how I missed the call, but she said she was downtown at the City Center. She wanted me to get her. I went there to the bench in front of that copy and print place. I didn't see her. She had said she would call you so I assumed she had gotten you. That's when I called you and got your voice mail. She sounded okay. Maybe she needed some time on her own. We've been crowding her so much."

Olivia grabbed his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. "Fitz…no…that's not why she left. Somehow, today, Edison found out about us. He gave her money to-to leave-"

"What? Why would he-"

"Let me explain. I got home and Edison knew about us…and had for long enough to plan what seemed like an intervention with my parents. He actually called them…like I was some disobedient child. I just don't know how he found out-"

"Mellie told him. She…I don't have all the details…went to your house today and told him."

Olivia shook her head and then sighed. "The talk I had planned with him never really started because my parents showed up. Before that when I found out he made Shawn and Lincoln leave, he refused to let me leave. Then my parents showed up, which angered me even more, Fitz. I told them I was leaving and that I would be back in the morning, but Fitz…Edison…he had a mild heartache-"

"What?" he pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry, Livy."

She pulled back. "In medical terms, he had a coronary artery spasm. His prognosis is good with rest and meds…and…a lack of stress, but-"

When Fitz saw Olivia's eyes well up, he knew what she meant. "Livy, don't cry. I understand what this means for you…and for us…"

"How did things go tonight…with you and Mellie?"

Fitz felt a heaviness overtake him. He answered Olivia's questions, but he knew what was coming from her. He promised he wouldn't make it difficult for her to end things. "She didn't come home tonight. She took the kids to her sister's. She is still in denial about us. Her plan was to give me a night to get myself together. She wants to run for City Council. She says I owe her."

"What are you going to do?" Olivia said.

"I'm going to move forward with divorce proceedings and…Olivia, I understand your decision. I was selfish before when I was so indifferent to you. I love you. Even though we can't be together, I want to have you in my life as my friend, demanding nothing."

Olivia reached for him and placed her lips on his. She kissed him, holding nothing back. After awhile, she pulled back. "Fitz, I love you. I'm in love with you. Nothing has changed for me since yesterday. I want to be with you. I want to help Edison get back to health. He doesn't have any family here. He only has me. I can't abandon him, but I'm not going to stop seeing you. I'm clear about that. Unless you don't want-"

His lips prevented her from finishing her sentence. They held each other for a long time until Shawn and Lincoln crossed Olivia's mind. "Fitz, I have to go."

"I know. I don't want to let you go," he said.

"Me either," she pulled back. "Fitz, you should go back to that copy and print place. Go inside and see if anyone saw her. Something is wrong, Fitz. I can feel it. Call me as soon as you hear anything. I'll call you if I hear anything."

"Okay. I'll call you as soon as I hear…and you call me if you need anything. I hope the car is fine. I'm having yours towed to the collision center tomorrow."

"Thank you…and I love you, Fitz."

"I love you, too, Olivia."

* * *

"Wait, I _do _remember seeing a young lady sitting on that bench…African-American, medium height, medium weight…I noticed her because of that baby she had and her three bags. I thought she was going on a trip or something, but she never got on a bus," said the clerk at the copy and print place.

Fitz was relieved that he found someone who had seen her. He'd had to talk to four people before this woman provided good information.

"Did you see where she went?"

"Yes, she got in a car with a guy. He was young too, but older than her….and African-American or Hispanic? He had light skin. It was getting dark so I don't know for sure."

"Did she know the guy? What kind of car was it?"

"I think so. I couldn't really see her face when she turned to go to the car. It was a black SUV with out-of-state tags…The garden state, um…Jersey I think…"

"Did you happen to get the license plate number? You've been great so far…this information will help."

"How do you know her?" the clerk looked at him suspiciously for the first time tonight.

"She's a friend…like a daughter to me. We attend the same church," Fitz said.

The clerk didn't look convinced. "It had those vanity plates, "Linwood 1". Oh and it was an Acura MDX. I've always had a thing for Acuras."

"Thanks. Here's my card. Call me if you remember anything else or you see her again. The clerk took his card. Fitz left the store.


	10. The Present Past

**Chapter 10**

**The Present Past**

* * *

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; he leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. -Psalm 23.

* * *

"I don't think you should tell him, Shawn…after the way he treated you...I just couldn't, girl," said Angie with a hand on her hip and her leg turned out in her classic, "I've had it!" stance.

Stretched out on the bed, Shawn looked off into the distance and over her roommate's shoulder, her heartbreak only slightly outweighed by her despair. She was in a predicament, alone and pregnant, parentless and poor. If hindsight was 20/20, her vision was crystal clear upon reflection. The blame for her plight she set right at her own feet. She should have run the other way when she met Linwood Blake at the public library where they had both volunteered. But she let herself be drawn into his snare. He was obscenely good looking, very well-dressed, extremely well spoken, and never without money. Best of all he had been laser focused on her, Shawn Tinsley, who was by her own assessment just plain normal with a willingness to work hard as her only claim to fame or better yet, survival.

Shawn sighed audibly and then sat up on the bed, gingerly so as not to bring on more vomiting. "Angie, I have to tell him. I'm going to need help…money for insurance, daycare…I barely get by with my two part time jobs now, and soon our rental assistance from the transition program is going to run out."

Angie pulled up a chair and faced Shawn. "You think he's gonna do right by you? When all he's done is lie to your face about…everything! Okay, first, he said he was _volunteering_ at the library because he wanted to, then come to find out he _had_ to because of that DUI and his court appointed community service-"

"Angie, please-" Shawn gripped the mattress hoping to stave off her nausea and stay calm.

"Then he told you he didn't have a girlfriend, but he did and he dated both you at the-"

"They were broken up when we met, Angie and-"

"He said his parents were missionaries in Sierra Leone, but come to find out his dad is the mayor of Trenton and his mother is the head of that women's group-"

"Angie, stop! Please!...I don't need you to remind me of how stupid I was. I was there, okay…" Shawn couldn't finish as she was overcome with tears.

Angie grabbed a tissue and sat beside Shawn on the bed. "Aww, Shawn, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I hate what he's done. It was the best thing when y'all broke up two weeks ago. He's gone. Let him stay gone. I'll help you. I'm sure Mrs. Mitchell will help-" Angie rubbed Shawn's back.

"No. No. No," Shawn said, shaking her head for emphasis, "I can't tell her now. And you won't say anything until I can figure this out, okay? I don't know what I'm going to do about school or my internship."

Angie rolled her eyes and clucked her teeth.

"What is that all about, Angie?"

Angie gave Shawn a squeeze and rose from the bed. "Nothing, girl. I gotta go. I promised Mrs. Mitchell, I'd stop by the home to sit in on group today. She just got two new girls last week and they are very difficult."

Shawn's face brightened some. "Difficult like…um…you were? You were so badass, Angie. I never thought we'd be friends. I was so damn mad when Mrs. Mitchell assigned you to my room."

Angie smiled at the memory. "You were so Miss Goody Goody. You always went to group. You got good grades and you went to all your classes. Nobody understood why you were at a group home, well except for me-"

Shawn smirked and then interrupted. "Not until your nosey ass started looking for something-"

Angie swerved her neck and interrupted back. "Until I knew all the details, I didn't understand why someone would want to live in a group home-"

"But now you know, Angie. My mother had died. I didn't know my father. My grandmother was no longer there to take care of me. It was better than living with a foster family. I know Linwood is no good, but I won't keep my baby from knowing who his…or her father is like my mom did with me. If Linwood isn't interested in helping me, I'll have to find another way."

Angie grabbed another tissue and gave it to Shawn. "Whatever you decide to do, I'll be there for you. You my girl. Ride or die. Don't keep this from Mrs. Mitchell, though. She won't look down on you Shawn…"

Shawn stood to her feet and gave Angie a hug. "Thanks, Angie. Now go, so you won't be late. You know Mrs. Mitchell always starts on time."

Angie hugged her back. "Okay, girl. You should come too," she pulled back and said, "oh I forgot that quick. You're seeing him tonight, Mr. Preppy Rough Neck. Call me when he gets here _and_ when he leaves."

"I will, Angie." Shawn rolled her eyes at Angie's overprotectiveness and the hidden intimation that Linwood was dangerous. Her stomach turned just as Angie left the room so she bounded for the toilet.

Later that night Shawn sat next to Linwood on her tiny patio, convinced she had made a mistake inviting him to her apartment. When she opened the door to him, he had enveloped her in a tight hug. Being there had felt too good to Shawn. She had to remind herself why he was here. In the 30 minutes he had been there, he had launched into a long diatribe about how much he missed her, loved her, and needed her. She was almost under his spell again until he mentioned needing her help.

"So baby, I need your help. It's as if you knew I needed you and called me just in time. We were always in sync like that, Shawn. I just need a small sample because I know without a doubt, they'll be doing a random drug test soon. Those cleansing teas are not as effective as I thought," he said, reaching out to caress her chin.

Shawn didn't react as she had imagined herself reacting so many times when she replayed a possible meeting between them after the break up. In her imagination, she gave him a slap across the face and then said, "Get to steppin' and don't darken my door again, fool!"

However, it wasn't until she met Linwood that she understood what 'having good game' really meant. And he had it in spades. If she were a book, he had her weak spots doggie eared like pages. If she were a piano, he knew how to play symphonies on her keys. With Linwood it was a combination of things. In the 13 months since they met-11 months as a couple-he knew her, really knew her. Then there was his face and body. He had smooth walnut colored skin, a wide smile punctuated by deep dimples, and light brown eyes. His stocky muscular build enabled by intense sports training gave him the appearance that he was older than his 18 years. In fact she was the oldest by a couple of months. In addition he was a smooth talker who loved to hold court. All these qualities made for an exciting combination for Shawn, making Linwood unlike any other boy she'd met before.

Instead of standing and turning out her knee like Angie would, she closed her eyes and leaned into his caress, silently castigating herself for her lack of willpower. He leaned over and kissed her. She let him, opening her mouth to the familiar foray of his tongue. It felt good until the sound of a car horn on the street brought her back to her senses.

She pushed at his chest. "Linwood, stop," she said, "I didn't ask you to come here tonight to get back together."

He looked unconvinced. "Really, Shawn? I think…no, I know you've wanted to before now, but you listen to your ghetto roommate who changes your mind every-"

"Stop calling her that! She's not ghetto. We're from the same place so you're calling me that too."

"No. You are better than her-"

"Linwood, you know what? I don't want to talk about that. I need to tell you something…important so just listen. I'm…I'm pregnant."

He frowned and flinched as if he'd been slapped. "Pregnant? How can you be pregnant? We've been broken up."

Shawn rolled her eyes. "So! We've done it without a condom a couple of times and it only takes-"

"But I pulled out!"

"Well, obviously you didn't do it fast enough! And don't try to say this baby isn't yours. Unlike you, I wasn't dating someone else, Linwood! And I was a virgin so…"

"I didn't say that, Shawn!"

"Stop hollering at me!" she screamed.

"But you're yelling at me!" he screamed back.

They looked at each other intensely until Linwood did something that angered Shawn. He began laughing. She could do nothing but watch him for a second until his laughs seemed like an assault against her. She felt alone and all the more pitiful for his laughing. She jerked up from the plastic patio chair and stormed inside.

"Shawn, where are you going? Come back," he called after her, following her inside and through the patio door.

She made it to the sofa where she collapsed in tears. He sat beside her. "Shawn, don't cry. Damn it! I'm sorry for laughing. I'm not laughing at you! Damn!"

She pushed at him. "Just leave me alone. Angie was right! I shouldn't have told you a damn thing. You don't care about me. You're just a liar!"

He held her and took her blows. She decided to give in to her imaginary inclinations to slap him. When the attempts at slapping were successful, he hugged her around the arms to prevent her from getting another one in. She eventually stopped fighting and let him hold her.

"So what are you…we...going to do?" he said.

She pulled back and looked at him quizzically through puffy eyes. "What do you mean?" she whispered.

"Are you going to have it? What are we going to do?" he repeated.

"I'm going to have the baby, Linwood. There's no 'we.' I had to tell you because I really need help. Financial help…You know I don't have any family…I wouldn't ask if I did. I have thought about it and with my two jobs, school, and my internship, I can't do it by myself-"

"Wait, Shawn! Haven't you heard anything I said since I got here. I love you. I want us to get back together. Now, a baby…I need some time to let it all sink in, but I'm not going to let you do this alone."

"Linwood, please just stop. You must really need me to pee in a cup for you, because this is not the way I expected you to react," she said.

He lifted his hands in a sort of surrender. "Shawn, I know I have no right to be mad at you for that. I know I treated you wrong, baby. I was a dog for dating you and Valerie at the same time…for the things I said about you to my cousin that night…for everything. Listen Shawn, I realized something during these two weeks…I love you, really love you. I don't care what my family might think about you when I tell them about us…and I am going to tell them, Shawn. I'm not with Valerie anymore either. She's not you. She doesn't know me like you do. She doesn't push me to be a better person like you do or help me to realize what's important in life or how to appreciate what I have…"

"Linwood, please stop trying to run game on me because it is not-"

"Run game on you? You don't even talk like that. That's Angie talking. I'm not trying to play you. I really do mean everything I'm saying, baby."

**"I really do mean everything I'm saying, baby."**

These words rang in Shawn's ears, but she wasn't in her old apartment. She was in Linwood's SUV pleading with him to take her back to the bench where he'd picked her up. She was no longer the Shawn of Trenton, New Jersey. She had a new life now in Chicago with a baby to raise. She couldn't go back and risk Lincoln's life no matter how much she missed Angie, Mrs. Mitchell, or her old life. Seeing Linwood had taken her back to that critical night when she succumb to him once again. That night after he assured her of his undying love and his intention to support her and the baby even from college in North Carolina, she'd believed him. They had made love and she'd given him her urine to use for the random drug testing. Almost eight months later someone had beaten her and left her for dead 800 miles away from her home. It had to be Linwood. As much as she didn't want to believe he would try to kill her, it had to be him.

She was shaking with fear that Lincoln's life was in danger and that Linwood was that danger. She glanced back at Lincoln in the carseat, thankful he was asleep. She made a decision to do all she could to get back home.

"Linwood, please, just take me back. I won't tell anyone…I haven't told anyone. Please don't hurt us. I don't want anything from you. I don't know how you found me but, please just let us go!"

"Shawn, I don't understand why you left without a word. I'm sorry for being late for the appointment, but my dad called me out of the blue to come to his office. I tried to call you but I couldn't get you. I don't know what happened that day, but I do know that things were good between us. I was ready to tell my parents…"

"Why are you acting like you don't know what you did, Linwood? Are you here to personally finish the job?"

Without warning, he took the exit that was coming up and didn't stop until they were in the parking lot of a gas station. "Shawn, what the hell are you talking about? Finish what job? You disappeared. I haven't seen you for almost a month. You had the baby. What is going on?"

He looked genuinely confused to Shawn, but she had a difficult time trusting her instincts around him. She'd been wrong before, obviously, unless he wasn't the one behind the beating. But if he wasn't who was? "If I tell you, will you take me back? You can't just kidnap me and my baby and then threaten me-"

"You can't just run away, Shawn. I said that about calling the police to get you to come with me. If I turned you in for giving me the samples, I'd get in trouble too. I'll…take you…back there. Please tell me what is going on."

Shawn reached in her pocket and squeezed her phone just to ensure it was still there. She took a deep breath. "That day when you were supposed to pick me up from work for the appointment, you were late so when I couldn't reach you I called Angie. She said she could take me to my appointment. Then I got a text from you that said you were outside. I came to the parking lot and walked to your SUV. That's all I remember until I woke up in the hospital. I don't know what happened or how I got to that park in Chicago left for dead."

"So you think I did that to you?" Linwood looked angry. He turned away from her.

"I know you did or had someone do it. Who else would drug me, beat me, and then transport me across several states to die? There was barely a news story about me. I checked the internet. You tried to take my life because you saw me as a threat. Linwood, just let me go. Just take me back home and go back to your life. Go to college."

Shawn observed him. He was turned away. She thought her words were making an impact on him. She hoped they were.

He finally turned around to face her. His face held an expression she couldn't interpret, but it was fear mixed sadness and dread. "Shawn, I know you don't believe me, but I had nothing to do with that. But I think I know who did."

"Who?"

"I can't say until I check some things out…to make sure it's...who...I think it is," he said.

"I don't care, Linwood. Just take me back, please."

"Okay," he turned the ignition just as low whimpers came from the back seat. Lincoln started to fret.

"Wait. I'm going to get in the back with him." She quickly exited the front door and hopped in the back. Lincoln needed a diaper change. After she did that, she reached in her pocket for her cell phone and dialed Fitz.

* * *

Olivia fluffed the pillows and situated her head at a different angle. The hospital chair was surprising comfortable, but she knew sleep wasn't coming any time soon. She couldn't stop the waves of worry rolling over her about Shawn and Lincoln. She'd prayed, pleated, and bargained with God, hoping for their safety. When her cell phone buzzed with a text alert, she groped for it, discovering it between the chair cushion. She willed it to be Shawn. Instead, it was Fitz.

**Fitz: I heard from Shawn. She is fine. She wants me to pick her up in front of that copy center. Lincoln is fine too. I'll call you when I get them. I love you.**

Olivia grabbed her chest as a rush of relief shot through her. She glanced over at Edison who was sleeping serenely. Torn between a duty to stay with Edison and a need to make sure Shawn and Lincoln were safe, she stood frozen in place, weighing, contemplating. She reached for a notepad on the table beside Edison's hospital bed and scribbled a message to him. After leaving word with the nurse that she had to leave and would be back in the morning, she phoned Fitz as she walked out of the automatic hospital doors.

"Livy, you got my text?"

"Yes, I'm going to meet you there. And don't try to stop me."

She could feel his smile through the phone. Then he chuckled. "I wasn't going to try. I knew you would want to see them both."

"Did she say anything…why she left…how she left?"

"Honey, no. She didn't say much aside from assuring me she was alright and where to meet her. Oh, and that she was about...um...less than an hour away."

Olivia slid inside the car and shut the door. "Fitz, when we get Shawn and Lincoln, I want to bring them back to my house tonight. I'll go back to the hospital in the morning."

"Are you sure, Liv? I can take them to my house. Mellie and the kids aren't there tonight-"

"No. I want them at my house."

"Okay."

* * *

"Linwood, you can let me out around the block so my ride won't see you," Shawn said when they were two blocks away from the drop off point.

"I don't care if your…ride sees me. Who is it?"

She glanced at his reflection in the rearview mirror. "It doesn't matter who-"

"It does matter…" His voice trailed off as they coasted down the street. He parked illegally in front of the bench. Shawn looked around and took in a breath of relief when she saw Fitz's car parked behind a corvette. She unbuckled Lincoln's car seat.

"Shawn, before you go…could you give me some way to contact you?"

Shawn glanced up at him looking at her and Lincoln. "Why would I do that? I need to go…" She looked away and continued to unravel Lincoln's seat from the buckles and straps. She looked out of the window and smiled when she saw Olivia exit the corvette. Linwood followed her gaze.

"Who are they?" he said.

She ignored him and began reaching for her bags, but her leg protested in pain. She grimaced.

"What's wrong?" he said reaching for her. She jerked away and reached for her cell phone. She sent a quick text to Fitz.

**I'm in the SUV in front of bench.**

She looked over and saw Fitz glance down at his phone. He said something to Olivia, grabbed her hand, and they began walking toward the vehicle. Linwood witnessed the exchange also. He unlocked the door and got out of the car. Shawn tried to follow, but the click of the locks prevented her. They must have been child safety locks because she couldn't get out.

Linwood walked around the front of the car and met them before they reached her side. She couldn't hear what was being said. Her thoughts raced. Linwood didn't seem threatening but genuinely flummoxed by her disappearance and her accusations that he was the cause. He also seemed older now. It had only been a month since she saw him, but it seemed like much longer. By now he was 19 and she was 20. She wondered what he meant when he said he knew who may have been responsible. Even though they had reconciled 8 months ago, she still hadn't met his parents, only a cousin and two of his friends, all male. Had they done it? Shawn started to ache all over possibly because after seeing Fitz and Olivia, the adrenaline had drained from her body. She was nearly home. She craned her neck to see through the darkly tinted window. Linwood was doing most of the talking. Fitz and Olivia were listening intently. After awhile, the locks clicked and Olivia walked to her side of the car. Linwood and Fitz walked away and continued talking.

Before she could process anything, the door swung open and Olivia was reaching out to her. "Oh Shawn, are you okay, sweetheart!"

Shawn started crying and burying her face in Olivia's shoulder, holding on tightly. She nodded, 'yes'.

"We were so worried about you and Lincoln," she said pulling back. She reached in her purse for tissues and began wiping Shawn's face. "Are you sore? How's your leg? I'm so sorry about what happened with Edison."

"It's o-o-kay, Livs."

"How is Lincoln?" Olivia reached over her and touched his cheek.

"Thankfully, he s-s-slept through most of…it…what are they talking about? What did he t-tell you?"

"Shawn, let's get you home, okay? You must be tired and hungry. We will deal with that later," she said, grabbing a bag and moving back to help Shawn out of the SUV. She grabbed another bag and Lincoln's carrier. "I'll tell Fitz to get the other bag and stroller pieces."

"I can carry something, Livs."

Ignoring Shawn's attempts to help, Olivia grabbed her hand and led her to Fitz's car. Shawn looked back just in time to catch Linwood's gaze. He looked sad. She turned away and focused on getting in the car. When they drove away in Fitz's car, Shawn looked at him again. He was looking at Fitz with a scowl on his face. Fitz seemed to be scolding him like a child if body language was any indication. For some reason that made her smile, she laid her head back on the seat, slid her pinky finger in Lincoln's fisted hand, and took her first real breath of the night. She was going home.

* * *

Olivia stood in the doorway of Shawn's room. Fitz stood behind her with his arms around her waist. They watched Shawn and Lincoln sleep.

Once they returned to Olivia's house they didn't speak of what happened. When Fitz arrived in the corvette about 30 minutes later, they still did not speak of the events. They barely said anything. At Shawn's request, Olivia made her chicken noodle soup and buttered toast. Fitz fed Lincoln a bottle while Shawn showered. He put Lincoln to sleep and they sat at the kitchen table and watched Shawn eat. They didn't talk about much of anything, all in unspoken agreement to table the discussion of Linwood or Shawn's past for another time. They fell into a sort of domestic routine that seemed effortless even though they had never done it before. Shawn finished and rose from the table. When she picked up her bowl, her hand began to shake. Fitz took the bowl and placed it back on the table.

"I'll get those, Shawn," said Olivia. They had hugged her and she padded off to bed.

Now, as Fitz and Olivia watched them sleeping, they were both content. The problems they faced were not forgotten, but held in reserve for a moment. Olivia closed her eyes and squeezed Fitz's arms. He leaned in and hugged her tighter. After awhile when she felt heavy again him, he realized she had drifted off to sleep standing up. He picked her up and walked to the sofa. After grabbing a throw blanket, he stretched out on the sofa with her on top of him as that was the only way they could rest comfortably. She stirred when he worked to maneuver the blanket over them.

"Can you…?" she said

"Yes, I can stay till morning."

"Fitz?"

"Hmm?"

She yawned and moved her head around on his chest until she found a comfortable spot. "You can't be comfortable, and there's work tomorrow. On second thought, I should probably let…you go home…"

"Livy, are you comfortable?"

"Yes," she said before another yawn rolled out of her.

"So...just go to sleep."

She didn't answer because she did just that.


	11. Be Anxious for Nothing

**Chapter 11**

**Be Anxious for Nothing**

* * *

_So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today ~Matthew 6:34_

* * *

"Where were you last night?" said Edison.

Olivia glanced over at him and then back at the road. "Didn't you get my written note? I also told the nurse to tell you I would be back this morning."

"I got all those messages, Olivia, but I want you to tell me where you were."

She glanced at him again. "I went downtown to get Shawn and Lincoln. I took them back to our house. I was at home."

"Were you with…him?"

Olivia held her breath for a second. She gripped the steering wheel in silent acknowledgement that there was no need to keep the truth hidden. "Shawn contacted him last night. He contacted me so we both went…separately into the city to get Shawn and Lincoln up."

She could feel him looking at her, but she kept her eyes on the road. This was not the time or place for that discussion, but Olivia could feel the tension building.

"You know what I'm asking, Olivia. Did you sleep with him last night?"

She hesitated. The truth would require a yes, but they had literally slept. Either way her answer would not be received well. The exit to their house was just up ahead. She eased into the slow lane. "Edison, this is not what we should be talking about now. The doctor said that you should avoid stress and this conversation is the very definition of stress. We will talk, but not today just after you've been discharged from-"

"It doesn't disappear if we don't talk about it. It's obvious you don't want to tell me and it really doesn't matter. What matters is what happens now. I want to know if there is any chance for us, Liv. Will you end it with him and give us a chance? Don't we deserve a chance to work this out and save our marriage? I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but I need you to meet me half way. You can't do that if you are sleeping with another man. He has a family too…a wife and kids..."

"Edison, please stop…"

"He's the pastor of your church…your boss…It's not going to work. You both have too much to lose. Please just give us a real chance. Break it off with him, Liv…"

She tried to block out his words. All she wanted to do was make it home.

"Aren't you going to say something?" he said.

"Shawn and Lincoln are at the house. Will you have a problem with them staying there?"

"Of course not, but what I meant is are you going to say anything about us…giving us a chance…ending your affair with him. I'm your husband. He's nothing to you, Olivia."

"Edison, I don't want to talk about this now…"

"We can make it work if you would just-"

"I don't want to make it work with you!" Her words shot out like darts. She glanced at him quickly. "I'm sorry…"

He looked away from her and out the window. "Yeah…I guess you are…."

* * *

Fitz couldn't concentrate on either of the three items on his to do list. His eyes blinked at the stark white computer screen where his sermon text should be. He wished he could put his work on hold and devote his full attention to straightening out his life. It wasn't that simple and no amount of free time would set things right. Shawn and Lincoln were safe, but even their lives seemed very unstable. Before he left Olivia's early this morning, they had kissed with the promise of following up by phone later that night. Mellie arrived home two hours after he did without the kids because she dropped them off at school. Fitz attempted to initiate a conversation about their marriage, but Mellie would not engage him at all. She finally left to have what she called, 'the turning point breakfast meeting'. He had no idea what she meant.

The phone rang. "Reverend Grant, Mrs. Grant is here to see you," said Marjorie.

Fitz was not expecting Mellie so he knew her unannounced visit would ensure that this day was a bust. No work was going to get done. It was almost 4. "Thanks, Marjorie. Send her on back."

Fitz stood to his feet and looked out the window. He thought about Olivia and how wonderful it had felt to wake up with her this morning. Sleeping in such a confined manner had been uncomfortable, but feeling her warmth against him had been worth the crick in his neck and stiff back. He turned just as Mellie entered his office.

"I'm here to have that talk, Fitz. The one you've been itching to have since you decided you wanted to abandon your family for a fling," she said.

Fitz walked to the chair beside her and sat down. "Can we do this tonight, Mellie? This is probably not the best place to talk."

"This is as best a place as any for this talk you've wanted to have. I don't want to talk about this at home tonight. Karen and Gerry don't need to be exposed to this."

"We can do it tomorrow. I'll come in later…"

"No, Fitz. Now or never. Besides, it shouldn't take long. You want a divorce because you say you want to be with Olivia," she said as if she dared him to answer.

"Neither one of us has been happy in our marriage for years, Mellie. We've been going through the motions-"

"Fitz, you can't tell me how I feel or that I've been pretending. I've been happy. We've been happy together. Our marriage didn't become a problem until you met her. We've built a life together. We have two beautiful children. I've supported you in your ministry. Now it's time for you to do the same for me, but now you want to throw it all away for nothing, Fitz. I can't let you do that…not now. It's my turn to pursue my dreams. So I have a proposal."

"Proposal? Mellie, this is extremely difficult for me. I don't want to hurt you or the kids, but we can't continue like this-"

"I need five more years. By then, Karen and Gerry will both be in college. I'll have established my political career enough to weather a divorce. We can't do this now, Fitz. No divorce. You can keep messing around with her if you want. Just don't get caught. Your first priority is to me and the kids so…that can't interfere with our family time."

Fitz just looked at her dumbfounded.

"Stop looking at me like I've grown an extra arm. I'm trying to be pragmatic about this. I could go to the church board. I could call your parents. I could make this very unpleasant for you, but I've decided to find a better way so that we can both benefit."

"You vandalized her car and told her husband, Mellie. That doesn't jibe with your pragmatism right now."

Mellie shrugged. "What can I say? I was angry. I was right to suspect her that morning when she called your phone, but she lied her way out of it. Then I saw your cars at the parsonage…I shouldn't have to explain myself. You are the one cheating. She's driving the corvette, I'm guessing, and you're getting her car repaired that's sitting in our garage. We are even. The state of her marriage is a variable I don't care to account for at this time. All I need is for you to accept my proposal."

"This is-"

"You don't have to answer now. Think about it. Thanks for your time, dear," she said before leaving his office.

* * *

Olivia sat in the rocking chair holding Lincoln as he slept in her arms. It was bittersweet. Before Shawn and Lincoln appeared in her life, she'd pushed the desire for her own children out of her mind. Every time she held Lincoln that desire grew stronger along with the realization that she'd probably never have any of her own.

Shawn stirred on the bed and yawned. "What time is it?"

"Almost four…shhh, don't wake him."

"Liv, you never laid him down? You've been holding him for over an hour. He's never going to want to sleep alone with you spoiling him like that."

"You can't spoil any baby, Shawn, but especially not Lincoln."

Shawn smiled at Olivia before taking him from her arms and placing him in the crib. He fretted a little but drifted back off after a couple of soft taps on the back.

"Liv, I know that your husband doesn't want us here. I don't want to cause more trouble-"

"I spoke with Edison and he is okay with you being here for as long as you need."

"Is he sick?"

"There were some complications with his heart. He's going to be okay, but he has to take it easy. Shawn I want to talk about you and the young man from last night. You can talk to me about anything. I'm here for you and Lincoln not matter what."

Shawn rubbed her leg and looked at the floor. "His name is Linwood and he's Lincoln's father. I…believe he had something to do with what happened, but he says he didn't. I know I shouldn't believe him. He's lied before…I do believe him, Liv. But if he didn't do it, who did and why?"

"Do you feel up to telling me more about your past? You can trust me and Fitz too."

"I trust you both. It's just that when I woke up so much had changed. I was in a strange place. I didn't really understand what had happened….and Lincoln was here." Shawn grabbed a napkin to wipe the tears that were beginning to fall.

"Oh Shawn, I can only imagine what it must have been like. I'll always be so thankful that we were there to find you," Olivia said reaching for her own napkin.

"Me too. When I realized it had to be Linwood, I decided to forget about my life in New Jersey…it was easy to do that. All the family I know is dead…my mom and grandmother…so I've lived in a group home for most of high school. The lady who runs it, Mrs. Mitchell is like a mother to me and then there's my friend Angie who was my roommate. They have this transition program that helps you move from the group home into an apartment. I was all set for college. I have two part time jobs and an internship, but then I got pregnant and I went to Linwood for help. We got back together and then this happened…"

"I think we should go to the police. Maybe they can reopen the investigation-"

"Nobody cares. It was barely in the newspaper that I had disappeared. I miss Mrs. Mitchell and Angie, but I don't want to get them involved. I'll probably contact them in a year when things settle down for me…when I'm on my feet. Linwood said he thinks he knows who did this, but I don't even want to know. I'm sure it has something to do with him. Someone in his family probably didn't want me to be with him or something. If I stay away from him then it should be over."

"Is Shawn your real name?"

"Yeah, well it is Shawna Tinsley. I was thinking of changing it to Anne or Diana like the characters in _Anne of Green Gables. _Mrs. Mitchell gave me the book when I first came to live at the home. I read it and always wanted to be like Anne Shirley who was an orphan too.

"I loved those books too. Have you seen the movies?"

"Oh yes…many times! I used to wish someone would do a remake like how they remade the Wizard of Oz to The Wiz. It could be Ayesha of Lower Trenton or Alesha of Hyde Park."

"And Diana Barry could be Diosha Perry and Gilbert Blythe could be Gabron James!" said Olivia.

They began to laugh causing Lincoln to fret. Olivia removed him from the crib. "Sorry Lincoln. We were having too much fun and forgot you were sleeping. Shawn, I know things are really scary right now, but we are going to have to deal with this. I don't think Linwood is going to stay away. I have a friend from college who is a detective. I know he will be able to help us. Would you mind giving me the details about that day? I'll have him check around and see what's on record."

Shawn looked at Lincoln for awhile. Then she shook her head in agreement.

* * *

"Is there anything else I can get you, Edison?" Olivia said, shutting down her laptop. She'd stayed with him in their bedroom room at his request while he ate and watched television. She worked on her laptop to catch up on her e-mails and prepare herself for a long day of catch up at church and in class the following day. They hadn't resumed the conversation about their marriage. Olivia was tired and ready to prepare for bed. Mostly she wanted privacy to call Fitz.

Edison switched off the television. "From that question, I gather you don't plan to sleep in here tonight."

"I think it would be best if I moved into the other room…"

He looked visibly angry as he threw back the covers and stood to his feet. He grunted in pain at the sudden movement.

"Edison, you shouldn't get up out of bed like that-"

"Olivia, please! You can't just shut me out like this! I get a say. We haven't even really talked about any of this. Could you at least wait until I'm back on my feet before you just…how can you be so…" He stopped short to moan in pain. Olivia rushed over to help him back into the bed.

"Edison, what do you need? The pain medication?"

When he shook his head she handed him the pill and the glass of water by the bed. After he drank she sat beside him on the bed. His eyes were closed. She reached for a cloth to wipe the sweat from his brow. His eyes flickered open.

"I need you, Liv. Don't leave our bed. I promise I won't touch you…sexually. I just need you here to help me get well. When I do…if you want to leave, then we can start working out a separation or…"

"Shhh…Okay, Edison. Just rest. I need to make some calls and I'll be back in for bed."

His face stiffened when she mentioned this. They both knew whom she planned to call.

"How is Shawn and Lincoln? What is going on with them?"

"They're fine. We can talk about that tomorrow. Now get some rest," she said before leaving the room. I'll be back.

* * *

Olivia settled in the corvette that was parked in the garage next to Edison's car. She decided this was the place she could achieve the most privacy. Being in his corvette, made her feel closer to him.

Edison had been upset when he noticed the strange car parked in her spot after they arrived home from the hospital earlier today. When he demanded to know whose it was, she told him the truth: "It's Fitz's car. He loaned it to me while he gets mine repaired because his wife keyed mine after she found out."

Edison cursed Fitz for this as if loaning Olivia the car was a way of sending a message to him. Olivia just let him curse since she knew a car was like an extension of the male genitalia for most men.

She smiled when she saw two missed calls from Fitz. It was almost 11 so she hoped he was still up and hadn't given up on her calling.

She texted him first: **Can I call you now?**

Her phone buzzed almost instantly.

She chuckled into the phone.

He laughed back.

"Livy, I was beginning to doubt we were going to talk tonight. It's like heaven hearing your voice…"

"Heaven? No, Heaven would be seeing you, but your voice is a close second…how are you…how did things go today?"

He sighed. "I don't know how I'm doing, really. Mellie came home this morning without the Karen and Gerry. She had dropped them off at school. She didn't want to talk to me about anything and she rushed out to a meeting. I went to work…aside from showing up…I didn't get much done. Mellie came to my office demanding that we stay married for five more years while she builds her political career and the kids go off to college. Apparently, it's her turn to shine and I owe her that allegiance. This is her proposal. Tonight was a regular night at the Grants. We all had dinner, small talk, and I'm now in my study waiting for your call. You?"

"Edison wants us to work on the marriage. I told him I didn't want to. We're pretty much in a holding pattern right now until he gets well. I talked to Shawn about Linwood and her past. Fitz…she's lived in a group home. She doesn't have any family. Linwood is Lincoln's father. She wants to forget about the past, but I know it's not that simple or easy."

"I talked to him and got his information. He seems genuine, Liv, but that doesn't mean he isn't responsible for what happened. The important thing is that she and Lincoln are safe while we figure all this out."

"I agree. I have a friend from college who is a detective. I want to compare what he told you to what Shawn said so we can give him the information to look into this."

"That sounds good."

"Fitz…"

"Yes, Livy…"

"I know this is the last thing we should be thinking about right now, but when will we have any time together. Things are so complicated right now…"

"We'll see each other at Grace…tomorrow."

"Fitz…you know what I mean. But you're right…being together is impossible right now. What kind of person am I? Our lives are blowing up around us and I'm trying-"

"Livy, please don't do that. Don't beat yourself up for wanting us to make love. I want the same thing. This is not a fling. Do you love me?"

"Yes, I love you, Fitz. But maybe we shouldn't have sex until we have a better idea when we will both be free."

"I love you, too. If you think that is best... I'll do whatever you want. Let's not make any pledges about that right now. Let's take it one day at a time."

"Okay…"

"You teach an early class tomorrow at the seminary, right?"

"Yes, at nine…why?"

"Let's meet for coffee at eight at that place…The Morning Grind."

"I'll see you then, Fitz."

"Okay, sleep well Livy."

"You too…where are you now…if it's not too much to ask."

She smiled. "I'm sitting in the passenger seat of your car."

"Really? Are your feet propped up on the dashboard?"

Olivia dropped her feet and looked around. "Yes, how did you know that!"

"I don't know. Just seems like something you'd do. I think it's related to me visualizing you painting your toenails purple."

"Let me guess where you are…um…you are still dressed in what you wore to church today. You're in your study with your legs propped up on your desk."

"Sorry, Livy, but you are wrong. It would have been so easy to guess this one. I'm sitting in your car in my garage. I came out here to try to contact you one last time before I went to bed. I'm having it towed tomorrow for the repairs."

"What? Really?"

They laughed about it for awhile until they grew silent, sitting there hold the phone.

"One of us needs to hang up, Fitz."

"I know. You should hang up first or we can hang up simultaneously," he said.

"Let's do it together," she said.

"That sounds good. I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, Fitz."

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight," she said.

They still held the phone.

Finally, Olivia disconnected first. Then Fitz followed suit.

* * *

**Thanks for reading...**


End file.
